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Saturday, January 22, 2005

Twist-ed
I've made my desires to make movies extremely public. If I ever get a chance to actually make movies one thing that I wanna do is mess around with existing cliches; hack the hackneyed. I was discussing this with Ari last night. There are way too many stereotype settings and it'll be fun making mincemeat out of them. Here are three stock themes that I'd love to thwart. I have other ideas as well but these three should ensure that people put me back in my place :)

1. The Alien Attack
The Old: How many movies have we seen where the powerful aliens come to earth, kick our arses, plunder our lands and violate our men/women (yeah! the last one allegedly happened in I-Day)? Then some earth beings find a way to kick back their alien hineys and all peace is restored.

The Bold: How cool will it be to have a movie where the aliens are completely useless. They have no powers and they are like a zillion years behind us (except for the fact that they found a way to reach our place). The movie will have these useless aliens begging us earthlings for mercy and we making fun of them. Finally, we decide to let them go but just as they are abt to leave, we figure out that these aliens taste bloody well and make excellent Friday evening snacks. So we give up our benevolence and eat them all up.

2. The Unwanting Superhero
The Old: Why do all superheroes who have cool powers never want to be superheroes. Hours of on screen time has gone into the dilemmas of Spiderman, X-men, Hulk and the lot who have extraordinary powers and are confused and don't know what to do with it. Why?

The Bold: How abt a superhero who has an absolutely useless power. Yet, he really wants to be a superhero and of some use to mankind. But his power is crappy - well, lessay he can eat a thousand bananas in a minute. So "Banana Boy" spends days putting posters of other superheroes on his wall and waits for one chance to use his powers for the greater good of mankind. Then finally one day he hears about a "banana eating competition" with a handsome reward (incidentally, I have never figured out why a reward is "handsome" and not beautiful or pretty). So B-Boy decides to go and win the competition and donate the money for common good. He sets out early in the morning, dressed in his peel-shaped suit, but then his car breaks down and he can't reach the venue. So he sits by the side of the road and cries. That's it.

3. The martial arts revenge
The Old: Bad martial art guy kills good martial art guy (albeit with a touch of foul play). Good guy's good friend decides to avenge the injustice but is untrained. So he finds the famed yet arrogant "master" (pronounced "mastah mastah, teach me Kung Fu mastah") who teaches him the nuances of the some ass kicking form and good guy gets his dish of revenge.

The Bold: I wanna make the exact same movie but make the hero gay (the friend was his "pahtner"). So the hero has a big flaw - whenever he sees a well toned guy with his shirt off he looses control and we have all seen that in these action flicks the duels take place between oil dripping well toned men. So the otherwise well taught hero kicks the villains tushi until his shirt tears off and he falls in love with the bad guy. As it turns out the bad guy loves him too and they forget vendetta and stay happily together along with the "mastah" (with 'mastah' telling them "u boys have been very naughty, so mastah will spank you").

I have hereby lost any remote possibility of anyone ever allowing me to make a movie :(

Comments:
You are very funny.
 
thank you :)
 
I like the Superhero idea.
All the best for that :)
 
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