Friday, February 18, 2005

Can you (hand)le this
The bouquet and cactus posts have made me ponder deeply on the various "customs" of love and suddenly, some of them seem very funny (to be completely honest, I've indulged in some of them and have no right to poke fun at them but ... I still will :) ).

Take the age old "oh so cute" tradition of holding hands. "Let's hold hands and walk ... together," she said with sleepy eyes. This almost seems like a precursor to "Sir, I want to ask you for your daughter's hand. Yes, I've already tried it out and it's good and now I'm sure that I want it."

I've always been a more "hand around the shoulder" person. It's easier for the guy, specially if you are taller - you get a good arm rest - its like ur little walking stick before you finally get the stick. BUT NO, women like to hold hands coz they don't like any additional responsibilities on their shoulder :) So they end up doing one of the two - (i) the "lemme hug your hand with both my hands and put my head on your shoulder" move OR (ii) the "you just hold my hand" move; and both these techniques are difficult for the mankind (or the kind man).

It's easy to see why the former technique is uncomfortable - your body slants, thanks to the head pressure, and the "use your hand as pillar" grip, where the women normally pull your hand down, isn't that comfortable either. On the other "hand", the problem with the "just hold hands" ten-tacle grip (two sets of five finger combine) lies in the fact that men are normally taller than women. So either the guy has to bend slightly, or the girl has to lift her hand. Now, the moment this struck me, I looked around campus for doting couples and in 8/10 cases the guy succumbed to the pressure. Also, in my case, G used to be a much faster walker. So there were times when I'd literally get dragged along. All this has made me come up with a brilliant business idea - a small rope with two hand gloves on both ends. Both the guy and girl can wear one glove each and walk. (a) The rope will give enuff freedom to not bend hands (b) You still walk "hand in hand" and (c) there is no restriction on the hand swing either. Bravo boy! You've finally come up with a million dollar idea.

"You know what you have just done, right?" the inner voice asks me. "You've ensured that no woman ever dates you again."

"ROFL" stuff. If you are not with "G" anymore, how about dating a taller girl(than you) and use the former technique on her and make it her problem,if at all she finds it uncomfortable:).
excellent idea! the girl can even have the joy of looking down on me all the time. big q - do u know any tall girl?
The optimal hand-holding technique involves a slightly looser grip on the part of both parties. The guy curls his hand with his fingers together and the girl slips her fingers into the cup thus formed. The guy also keeps his elbow at an angle equal so that his hand is at the vertical level of his waist. Usually the girl will end up keeping her arm straight. The advantage of this is that the bend in the elbow allows for a spring-like action which the guy can use to slow the girl down without yanking on her arm. Also the loose grip allows the hands to roll over each other. This was, the guy can change the walking direction at will. Finally make sure the other hand is firmly in the pocket.

Damn, I wish I could sketch this - it needs to be seen to be understood.
Oh Oh! So, much thought behind an act as "simple" and "spontaneous" as holding hands?! Rope with two gloves?!! Really, I must ask... What next?!
@Ani - how, how, how, are you not married or gay by now - no other way can you be such a storehouse of knowledge. almost feel provoked to take a crash course under you :))

@Soup - Rope with three gloves follows next :)) for the wild and adventurous ones
Charming! Another blow to good old fashioned serenading! :)
put on handcuffs...that way u shall be bound to each other.
Ari - handcuffs come in much later in a relationship :) much much later
Hey Ani! your fundas are much more sensible and rocking than what Sura tried to shove through my brains in E&M class:)
Informative post Sagnik! now i shall think twice b4 holding my husband's hand --- IF he is tall :)
@Kumari - I was just trying to provide a "helping hand" so that people can "hand"le the situation - what they call "hands on" experience in engineering - by no way was my intention to disrupt romance with ur husband - techie seeks forgiveness
That was the funniest post ever.
Techie did do a good job, that's wat the other techie was trying to say but hey 'Techies can't converse' i suppose :)

Btw, Dating a taller girl has one hitch - she wouldn't be on toes to kiss you n if the girl is not on toes to kiss her guy, it ain't Romantic :p
And another downside is that all forms of close dancing have been created under the assumption that the guy will be taller. Just try to dip a taller girl, and you'll end up looking very silly.
@Kumari - tall, short fat, thin - it don't matter to the techie any more :) "girl" is more than enuff for us

@Ani - dude write a book - I'll try to find you a publisher and in return you gimme a cut
I think we should put aside all this talk of tall girls and shift focus to finding a girl with a good sense of humor who finds this 'two hand gloves on both ends' to be 'Awww, so adorable and cute!' Then you're all set na? What say? :)
Oh, and if the good sense of humor reference was not obvious to the discerning reader, please to refer to my comment on Sagnik's past post about matrimonial ads. (Too lazy to find link)
Meghaji - how very thoughtful of you. So even though you are lazy to find the other link please find a girl with a good sense of humor for me :)
Er.. um.. Megha-JI? Looks like the authentic Chinese had some unexpected side-effects :)

Oh and I know a few, but I shall be on the lookout for more :)
thank you mom, thank you dad and thank you Megha :)
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