Saturday, February 26, 2005

Sad Story 

Well, I spent the second consecutive weekend-start in a Night Club. For anyone who's been reading this blog for sometime, the information that I can't dance for nuts (or any other exotic delicacy), is no mean surprise. So I spent my time talking, drinking beer and observing people. 40% of the people who come to these clubs are couples, 40% come to hook up, 10% come for music and fun, while the remaining 10% are what I call the "Saddies" i.e. sad sad people who look sad and make others feel that way too and here's a five point technique to identify them:

  • The guy-guy dance: I've figured that lotsa girls go clubbing in groups and perform dance moves that put their sexuality under question. But but but - no one ever complains if two girls are dancing against each other. I like to call it aesthetically horny. However, if two guys are dancing with each other and going up and down alternately while facing each other - that's SAD.

  • The You Can't See Me date: A lot of guys who come without a girl and remain that way, sneak up behind a girl while she's dancing with her friends, and start dancing "with her". The girl has no idea abt the guy's presence but the guy revels and pretends that the two are together. This continues till the girl turns and ignores the guy, who then goes to be a "pain in the back" for someone else.

  • The Swaggering Types: This is my favorite. A lot of men spend half their days in the gym, sport a tattoo, gel their hair, lock up their smiles and arrive with their mean looks. These single men then walk around the club thinking everybody is looking at them. They are easily recognized by raised eyebrows and a swaggering walk ... and the fact that they keep walking in circles around the place, so you see them a zillion times.

  • The Crotch Dancer: I don't care how cool you are but if your trademark move involves continuously playing with your genitalia in an almost attempt to itch it - I'll call you Sad.

  • The blogger: Oh! There are no qualms on this front. If you get drunk on just two bottles of beer, sit on a sofa observing other saddies and blog abt it the next morning, make no mistake abt your saddie quotient :)

  • BTW, the author (presumptuous self addressing) can also write abt Club Fashion Dos and Dont's and the Top Five Club Make Out Styles; but respecting the average age of his readers (10-15 years) shall not do so :)

    I can safely rely on this blog to cheer me up whenever required.
    @Bridal - thank you! and I can always rely on your blog to impress me with its brilliant mental imagery (seriously)
    Given my adanced years, that would make the rest of your readership around... seven I think to reach that average age!
    Oh, wait, the grey hairs are not an accurate reflection of my physical age. I'm not actually as old as the mountains, I only feel that way.

    (I'm really only as old as the mole hill)
    Sivani, the bard said it best
    Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale
    Her infinite variety: other women cloy
    Hi, you all may enjoy some dog parts.
    Also: You can follow the link to the Wheel. It just may be something you would be looking at if you saw it.
    Me, playing the role of elder companion, along with my cousin and her firstyear college, teenie-bopper types, enter a lounge bar in Bangalore. After about 2 hours, of waiting, walking, drinking and waiting, I ask one of the crowd, what it is that they do in these settings.

    'We posture'.

    Enough said.
    @Vignesh - wow! That's a new one :) Pret-a-porter!
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