Thursday, April 21, 2005

Bond with the Test 

Two years back I suggested this test to some folks to evaluate "How Cool their Profession was" and people seemed to like it. The test was simple. Just ask yourself what the chances of your work getting central prominence in a James Bond movie is :) If you think the chances are slim - make a story that's forced to revolve around your field of work. Then ask yourself how far fetched the story is. Trust me - it's an excellent exercise.

For starters, even though I work with computers and there's been a fair share of techies in movies, our chances aren't that good. There's a general assumption that all people working with computers are hackers - and that my friend is a hack-neyed thought. The only techies who feature in mainstream movies are hackers, people who deal with GPS (Global Positioning Systems) to track all sortsa things and people who can do fancy things with images that look cool on screen but is impossible in practice (and oh yes - we recently got to play Mallika Sherawat's husband in Murder). Other areas of Computer Science like Architecture, Theory, Operating/Distributed Systems, Networking, Software Engineering etc. have never found on-screen glory. Personally, I work in the field of Large Scale Distributed Systems and just ask yourself if this conversation seems possible.

Villain: Mr. Bond, I'm afraid that you're late, I've managed to crack Napster. Now I can download all the songs I want and you can't do anything abt it.
Bind: Nooooo! You just wait till I finish pleasing this lady ... and after that we'll go and switch off the centralized indexing server and you wont be able to do anything.
Lady (with European accent): Mr. Bond! you are making me very hot!

Naaaaah! Outrageous to say the least.

I also got thinking abt some of the other people who read my blog and what the chances of their profession featuring in a Bond movie is. Most of my readers being techies joined me in the list of "no-no"s :) Other sure losers included Ani - the Economist, Samit - the Writer, Vikram and Chitra - the managers and the other Sagnik and Shareen, who are lawyers. Sorry guys - we are all bonds that have lost our value.

The winners, I believe, were:

1. Antara (historian):

Villain: Antara's work made us realize that the ancient villages of Pigabooboo and HoolaPoola will go to war if we break the ancient and well protected culture of showing the villagers the blah blah. This will start a feudal war that will wreck the infrastructure of their country. A war that will soon spread it's wings across ...

See that sounds possible.

2. Arijit (genetic engineer)

This dude works on mutation. Come on! these guys can create all sorts of fancy plants and animals and it wont be too fancy to imagine Bond being summoned to protect us from an army of mutated mammals that run like cheetahs and stink like skunks.

If you read this blog and feel your profession has a better chance - pleeeeease lemme know.

two more to the list of Tom Clancy's upcomming ... is there a way to copy right the plots?
it may be unrelated but i want to see if somebody can up with someway where i can insert a chip populated with Googles data in my brain ..
@chava - :) plots? my plots had holes so big that you can throw a bigger hole thru it :)
I guess I shall forward this link to my boss so that she can see for herself that there exists a relationship between genetics and myself.
As for the Bond villain role, Shaggy, personally I would prefer a role as a hero in one of the Ramsay Brothers' horror flicks- I will have more scope for experimental errors in my get-up
that might be the plot, but like a good historian, THIS is how i would put it:

the dialectical relationship between the objective subjectivity of Pigabooboo and the creation of a space for the playing out of such 'meta narratives' as may arise from such subjective dilemmas in relation to HoolaPoola, suggest the possibility that the peripheral violence of the subjective may subsume the dissemination of class relations leading to the dissemi-Nation of the nationalistic ideal, in so far as the nation exists, and is not merely an imaginative space.

@Antara: he he he
now i know who makes those GRE wordlists

he he he
@antara - taking cue from an old MTV skit - could you repeat that please :)

@chitra - yeah! now i know too :)
@arijit -
i offered you bonded glory,
but you wanna settle for all things gory!

Wah Wah!!

I've thought of some for me own proffession!!!

Bond: Do you want me to talk?

Villain: No, Mr. Bond, I want you to make me my will!!!


Villain: Ha ha... you can never kill me...

Bond: Just wait till you see my appearance fees!!!

He he...

Love, laughter n keep the faith

Bond: I need to find that sagnik who is blogging, connecting, sharing encrypting top secrets to .....

Sagnik: yeha ha ha ... bond ke bachu kho .....

Cute girl pass by.. we see bond and sagnik follow..

the end
@namesake- :) how abt this?

bond: you have the right to remain silent ...
villanin: mr. bond we have Sagnik Ghose as our consultant. i don't think we need your legal advice.
@ratna - yes - i love the cute girl part. what say after that she chooses me over bond (we are talking fiction here)

also "bond ke bachu kho" - what language is that :((
ofcourse she was plotted by you...
you know bond never loose ... not even enemies...
@ratna - chah, and i was abt to gloat in joy with my bLonNde babe :(
Sorry to burst your bubble again, the cute gal was Aishwarya ;)
distributed systems you say? there's hope for you yet.....

Bond: Oh no. They say they've cracked SHA1 to wreck all P2P networks. This has compromised all security on the planet. Somebody hacked my bank and so all I own now is a pair of dirty socks. Help.

Sagnik: They cracked SHA1? ( Rolling on the floor laughing )


@Sridhar - yes! now tht i have the story idea ready all i need are some blondes who will agree to be my right hand (or at least hold it) in the movie :) we have a deal!
Thats some bonding !
you forget - im not just a writer, im also a potential media baron. that, combined with my natural megalomaniac arch-fiend tendencies, means im not out of the running just yet. and please - a historian bond bad guy?
@samit - naaah! media baron has already been used - tomorrow never dies ... and come on, maybe we can't have a historian for a bond villain but we can sure use the fundas - right? whatever, e the case - distributed systems guy still no chance :(
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