Thursday, April 07, 2005

I want a kid 

Nope don't get fooled by the subject of the post. First a post wanting a wife and now a kid - I'm not undergoing any psychological changes. The reason for wanting a kid is very different. I saw this young lady with two kids today and she was saying things to her kids which I've only seen (heard) in gangster movies.

"Jessy you sit there. Yes, there. And don't you dare think of moving. You don't want to make me come there."

"Peter, not one more word. I said no. En O. Get it?"

"Jessy, I said you are coming with me. That's it. You are getting me angry and you know that's not nice."

I realized that kids are the only relation where you can say these words and get away with it. Tell your boss these things and you'll soon be seeking a new job. Tell your professor this and your dreams of a curtailed academic career will take a formative shape. Tell your girlfriend this - and you'll need a new girl friend. Tell your wife this - and you'll need a new girl friend again :))

So for all the cool lines you ever wanted to say but wondered on the "hows and whoms" - the answer is simple - get your own kids and bully them. To end this post lemme say some lines I wanna tell my kids:

* You give me any more shit and I don't change your diapers - lesse who's in deep shit then.

* Go ask your Mommy who's her daddy?

* You bastard!

yeah right...my little niece who is all of 2 years, walks upto her elder cousin who is 6 years and adjusts her skirt to cover her legs and slaps her back n walks away...so i doubt if you will be able to get away so easily! :)
its not that u'll get away scot free.. ur kids will hate you and rebel, and then u'll lose them one day...
its just the same as not caring about what you say to anyone else who cares about you
@kumari - what happened t the spare the rod spoil the child thingie? :))

@chitra - uiiii maaaaa! ladki to serious ho gayee :)
Just one question - will all the lines be shot at the kid in the diaper-changing stage only?
Otherwise, if chronologically arranged, the lines do give an interesting image of your kid's growing-up process. Mebbe we'll need yet another version of Wonderyears - a gory dark one...and we can cast Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne as the parents...you'll of course do the screenplay honours...hmm...
@biplab - shit! dint think of it that way - very true - really cool obsv - so wanna help me script this tale?
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ahaa...I always suspected you to be a abusive, bully behind all that funny,cool and extra-ordinarily brilliant exterior of yours:). The only problem is that I cannot prove it till you use them against your kids....shuks..yeah get a kid...:)
Shaggy, as they say if u can't appreciate a flower or can be nasty towards kids you can become a serial killer. Well, I made up portions of it. But do I get a message...so the marriage, kids are all a part of the big master-plan. I may be wrong!
If there exists a Blog-fairy who would grant your wishes on blog, just think about it, you got the kid so that you can use those 'cool lines'..what about changing diapers, cleaning room, cooking food early in the morning, feeding right on time, spending on toys and dresses,getting up middle of your sweet sleep to check if the kid is wet or not !
@gevenum - abusive? bully? (the guy makes a cute, annoying and innocent face). what? (and he starts to smile a mischievious grin).

@arijit - i see somebody has a lot of time between running experiments to come up with fancy theories :))

@megha - what will the wife do then? i scold, she hold - simple theory na?
and now disdainful with names...haa...the hurt..Alrite I got all my case ready against you.
@gvenum, gvenum, gvenum - in "case" you change ur mind moi shall be highly grateful :)
Not lots, just enuff to see through the plan.
@Ari - the man stands exposed. he runs for cover. he runs for a lover :)
Run where u may,
truth shall hunt u down,
and then no lover can giveth thy cover.
@Ari - Oh Shakes-fear I shake in fear :)
If I studied Psychology, I'd say a 'certain someone had a rather tormented and abused(sexually??) childhood himslf'...
But since I don't, I won't:)

And hmm, toh, will I get to produce the scores in that film? But then, with da Ozzman around himself...ah, never mind...
Fear not, Oh Shakes-fear feared,
for moi shall grab some grub.
@megha - what will the wife do then? i scold, she hold - simple theory na?

As Mukri corrects Kishore Kumar in that classic song 'meri pyaari bindoo' from Padosan, I too shall use those lines to do the same ---

Are guroo guroo, Megha nahin Debalina!

Confusing identities, misspelling names, wanting kids .. Psychological changes, perhaps not. Par kuchh to daal mein kaala zaroor hai! :)
@arrrrrrrghhhhhh - sorry Megha :) double sorry Debalina :) tripple sorry to all readers experiencing these sorries. i am officially going mad :)
Going? Yeh going kya hota hai? Present continuous tense and all. Seedha seedha bolo - gone.

No need for saari, shirt, pant etc. We readers lovel to revel in your confusions :)
I want a kid too!! I will have all the soft toys to play with.

Now my husband refuses to buy me new soft toys (he thinks I already have many...!!)

If I have a kid, all I need to do is show the kid the toy and the kid will make sure to convince the Dad :))))
@anon - that's a soft spot we are dealing with :)
Sagnik showing some serious symptoms.You should get married, your wife will edit your blog posts ! :P

Jokes apart,when are you getting married ?
Debalina..didn't you know Sagnik is already married. He is married to his BLOG :) He spends most of his time with it.
Anon, one fact of life or marriage:

You spend least amount of time with the one you are married to.

I totally disagree with your point. I believe and confirm from my life that 'Spend more time with your spouse'

I cannot imagine my husband not spending most of the time with me.
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