Sunday, May 01, 2005

... and the training begins 

I was discussing the "Indian marriage training preparation" with a friend and shall reproduce (with more spice sprinkled) parts of the conversation :)

The moment the Indian woman touches 23 and the man borders 25 the mothers call up their mothers. "Ladka bada ho gaya hai (the guy has grown up)" or "Ladki ke shaadi ke umar ho gayee hai (the girl is ready for the plunge)" is exchanged, a few congratulatory remarks are made and the "Great Indian Search" begins (trumpets roar in the background). The price of the boy is determined - "He has an MBA so we can demand a working girl", "His height is thoda less. So we will have to overplay the salary angle", "He used to play tennis so we can indeed call him an all rounder" - the parties decide. Similarly the girl's value is also determined in her house. "She can cook both Indian and Chinese. So that'll take care of her growing waistline. Plus we'll mention that she has joined that fitness club", "Don't forget to mention that we sent her to a convent. Guys really like that these days" - the aunts will add in their invaluable advice. A few warnings are also exchanged - "Don't tell the girl's family that Vijay had a girl friend. We'll play it safe and say we don't know and don't discus such things at home," the grandmother warns. After the family managers decide on the pricing and marketing strategy the product preparation begins:

For the girls.

1. Morning 8-9: Jogging and gentle cardio. "She has to look good in pants. You know naa that these days men like skinny women?" the aunt in salwar and sneakers monitoring the regimen declares.

2. Morning 10-12: culinary Workout. "Ok! You are frying it way too much. What will they think? That we dint teach you anything? Finish this fast. I will then teach you my special carrot pie after that. Your grandfather just tasted it once when he came to check me out and fell in love with me," the blushing and gloating grandmother announces.

3. Afternoon 3-5: Music lessons. "We have already told them that you have been singing for three years. Sing that Piya tohse song. It is very suggestive - if you know what I mean," the mother declares, giving up the last element of discretion.

4. Evening 7-8 (just before the ideal daughter-in-law TV serials begin): Knitting. "The guy's grandmom is coming too. Show her this piece. Tell her you made it. Don't worry. I'll teach you before marriage how to do it. Even though the cross stitch might be a little difficult," the grandmother says while maintaining the value of her role.

The guys don't have it easy either. They have their training program too.

1. Morning 9-Evening 5: That thing they call work. "So when do they let you know if you got promoted. Asst. Manager doesn't sound as good as Manager. Can we say Deputy instead of Assistant? It sounds better. I believe they already have another similar offer. I will recommend that you tell them that you are a manager. We will manage it later," the general manager of the house says.

2. Evening 11-12 (Just after the ideal daughter-in-law serials end): Feed the Male Ego. "Don't smile too much. They will think you have never seen a girl before. And when they bring the sweets take just one and don't go overboard praising it. Get it?" The father finally adds in. "Very true," the mother mentions. "And speak with an accent. They have already mentioned some three times that their daughter went to an English medium school. Show them that you are no less."

Why why? Zed Zed or as they say here Zee.

The Axe Effect...or the lack thereof :)
@kumari - X-actly :)
he he... this post reminds me of a T shirt that I saw recently... It said...

"Most men are stupid...
Some stay bachelors!!"


Love, laughter n keep the faith

The girls sure have it tougher, one might conclude! :)
And to think that, all of this is for a man, for the promise of forever togetherness. Bah! It is just a cruel capitalist conspiracy. Nobody bothers about the fine print! :(
@Evolution - I have a T Shirt that says "I Think ... therefore I am single" :)

@Soup - :) Come on! Our regimen included a 9-5 shift (and washing clothes on weekends) :) It's all even - that's odd :)
What about women who also contribute to the GDP and are the bosses of the said Assistant Manager Male???
@Soup - ahaaa! you got me :) well, then the guy better learn how to knit and cook - eat is that simple :))
Don't laugh. You are going to enter this market REAL soon. Then the joke will be on you. HA!
@Ani - i am currently in outlet mall category :)
OMG!! hilarious!!
i'm tired of saying the same for every alternate post!
why don't I jus leave a 9 for filarious, 8 for ROTFL, 7 for LOL and so on?1 ;o)
@shub - 2 2 where "2=thank youvery much" :)
ShAggy, ami biye korbo, please...shall send u my resume before i leave for desh....
@Ari - resume and will come later - first send the consultancy fee :)
I think this scenario is outdated, maybe at least decade old, as I witnessed.

Now it is the groom /bride role ...more like...

Does he have a GC?
Is he still on H1 or work permit?

Is he a consultant / Permanent ?

ahhh civil! Is she willing to switch fields after she comes here?

Can you still keep your job after the marriage and manage the long distance marriage?
Oh god! my OPT is running out, I need to get hitched soon, otherwise I will be out of status...
@ratna - ... and I thought that the marriage process was complicated already :) BTW, very pertinent observations
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