Monday, May 09, 2005

So ... do you like her? 

Ok, so I had been wondering for quite some time whether to post this or not ... and finally decided to do it. How many of you've been introduced to a friend's boy friend/girl friend or shown a group photo where your friend tells you over the phone "Yes, that guy in the red T-shirt. Yes, that's him" or simple been asked to rely on your own fading memory with a line like - "remember that girl I came to that party with? No, not the tall one ... yes her friend .. the one who asked you ... yes, remember her?" and after all this they ask you "So how do you like him/her?" or "How does he/she look?" (that was the longest sentence I've ever put on this blog).

The whole situation of asking someone how your partner looks is very funny/weird/awkward. Like a lot of stuff I write abt, I've been at fault myself with this one too :) I remember asking Hemo once what she felt abt someone I was then interested in. Hemo being the honest Hemo, said, "Eh! Nothing great!" :)) Sadly (or happily) not all of us are like Hemo. I can't criticize anyone's partner to the person itself and often, when faced with such a bouncer, simply choose to wait for the bowler to get tired by dodging the deliveries.

Seriously, coz a partner's not like a technical paper or the draft of a story. If you give me a paper that you've written and ask me to review it for you, I'll do it gladly (yeah! sure) ... and honestly. Coz, I know that you can still change it. But if you show me your boy friend and ask me "if he is good looking", then not only do you make me feel queer, you also leave me with no answer but a positive one. What if I feel he is "too short". Well! There's no way in which you can make him any taller - is there? So, why give any opinion? That's my policy.

I remember my mom describing a similar problem that all Indian ladies face. A lot of relatives show their kids and ask, "Who does he resemble?" This seemingly innocent question apparently has deep rooted implications. For starters, you can't just choose one parent coz you'll offend the other. So you then have to carefully choose all the attractive features from both parents and equally distribute it amongst the five week old. So, according to Mummum, this is more like the parents asking - "What do you like abt us?" So a standard answer Mummum gives is something on the lines of, "Wow! He has all the best features of both of you. He has his father's curly hair, the mother's lips and the smile, hmm! I can't differentiate coz you both have great smiles and ..." :)

To end this post, here are some answers that I've given in the past when asked to comment abt people's girl/boy friends. It's tricky coz you can't go overboard praising the person as it might appear fake (or if it is a girl the guy might even give you the looks). Also at times the guy/girl knows that they haven't exactly come up with a catch but you still want to nurture their sentiments. In such awkward situations, this is the kind of vagueness I resort too:

1. "You're the man dude! I'm really happy for you!" - very safe, classy and has the whole warm camaraderie thing going on!

2. "She looks very honest." - once again a compliment for which you can't be penalized - specially if the person is smiling and you say, "specially her smile. she has such an innocent smile!"

3. "I think you two look made for each other. It's like a perfect match!"

4. "Dude! I wish I had met her before you did." - this is slightly tricky. You want to make your friend gloat over the fact that he has upped you, without posing as a threat. So it's always advisable to say this with a nudge on the arm and a very big smile.

5. This is my personal favorite - "She looks like ... someone. Shit! I can't place who. Someone I know ... hmmm ..." So you completely avoid the question and yet not upset anyone coz people generally assume that it's someone nice :)

Any other suggestions?

Personally I like going in for the nasty....u get to tell the truth as often as you like and u get let off with "Always joking..."
yep it the situation does get pretty strange on bieng asked such a question.... hmmm, wonder why people ask this about their bf/gf's,, dont they they think that thier love is beautiful enuff?
long time visitor to ur place sagnik, but first comment...
@ideasmithy - yeah! very nasty with "just kidding" will be a good strategy too - gotta try that one :))

@anat - see i dont mind praising the gfs as long as they get to hear it but what good is praising the gf to the bef :( thanks for your first comment dude :)
How come no guy ever asked me judge his girl? :(
chah, no one thinks i have taste :p
@kumari - no no - the thing is that a large fraction of the men you know are techie losers like me :) who don't even have anyone to ask you abt your opinion :)

p.s. between you and me - -do you think rani mukherjee is goodlooking? :))

I get downright lewd at such times, u know, the drooly tongued, oooogled eyed guys, and say,

Woo man, she got one hell of a behind man... where did ya pick her up man... U get where the conversation is going right???

I wonder why people ask such ridiculous questions. Perhaps they thinking of getting a Blog instead!!! (For the uninformed, refer to http://no-url-left.blogspot.com/2005/04/when-images-flowed-aplenty.html My comment on blogs and women...

he he...


Love, laughter n keep the Faith

Sagnik Jr.
have never had to face this before! probably ppl know better tahn to ask me;o) but if it happens, i know what tosay! hehe!
oh well my answer, most of the time is this
for a girl:" he looks nice..so much better than the previous one.. the other guy was such a jerk.."
boy: " she is different" bring outthe diff between the present one and the previous one..n tell him.. "man u have some choice"
If a guy friend asks my opinion about his woman, the best way is to handle it with a few questions of your own! So, I normally ask him about his plans to marry the said woman and such like stuff, given that the average male friend of mine is strictly commitmentphobe, it gets him to shut up...

Girlfriends I find are much more open to hearing that their men are not Johnny Depp! :)
" But if you show me your boy friend and ask me "if he is good looking", then not only do you make me feel queer..."
hmmmm... Freudian slip?
* heaves a sigh of relief that heavy objects can't be thrown all the way from California to Bangalore *
What would happen if one would say-
Kya piece he yaar! The Sachin-look-alike said so in Ishq Vishk and Shahid Kapoor also dinn mind.
@namesake - IF i ever have a gf (chances are getting slimmer and the prospective candidadtes are getting fatter) then i'll remember not to ask you for any opinion

@shub - see, i always said that this is largely a educational blog :)

@divya - shit, that is a great idea! specially the one abt comparing with the ex - brilliant!

@soup - another great idea but then i have tried some variant of this (actually just once) and then the guy was like "arre yaar, who is serious but tell me how did you like her?" - so we were back to square one :((

@a*** - oh! no that was an intended bad pun :)) i choose my words wisely and stupidly :)

@Ari - and somehow all i can think of is that shop-owner dude from Clemson you mentioned :)
@Sagnik: hmm...b/w you n me, she look gorgeous :)
My hubby came up with a VM for my residence phone.

"You have reached the shitpot
If you are an a$##$#% . Please leave a message. Else you know my cell phone number."

This is particularly for the Telemarketers.
They seem to be the only ones who call on our residence phone.
seems like i posted the previous comment on the wrong post :))

Now I am laughing like hell :)))
@manchus - that was brilliant. tell you husband that he has a phone in me but adly i cant call him to tell him that :))
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