Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Chapter 1 from the Broken Hearts Club Manual 

An observation courtesy a conversation with a friend.

Men and women behave amazingly differently when it comes to giving "break up advice". What is "break up advice" you ask? Well it's that post break up phase when you call up your friends and pour out your sob story. "She left me", "He used me", "She never loved me", "He'll realize his mistake one day but by then it'll be too late" etc. You empty out your heart and expect the listener to fill it with false words of hope, compliments to nurture the ego and possible criticism of the alleged wrong doer.

Now I don't know how many of you've been through this phase but if you have you would've realized that men and women react very differently to these moments. Women live for these moments. They are the sword wielding warriors who are trained for these wars. There experience is paramount in matters pertaining to the broken heart.

"Relax! Tell me what happened? Do you want me to come over? Listen, I told you that that girl was not good for you. There was something abt her eyes." They say just the things the ear wants to open up to. And if it's a girl seeking advice from a girl, then this art reaches an all new level of perfection. A little "only girls" gathering is promptly arranged. Two chick flicks and a tub of ice cream is ordered. Some will even use this as an excuse to throw a potluck party where a new chapter of the women's lib movement will be written down. When Ex and I broke up her friends even arranged for picnics; just to tell her how liberating it is to be single and to make her realize uncanny similarities between me and a range of other species (dogs, pigs, ruthless cheetahs and what not)!!

Men on the other hand have no idea how to react to these moments. That's why when a male friend breaks up we try not to cross his path for a few months. For us its a lot more fun when we hear a new relationship has started coz then we can ask our favorite "what all have you guys done?" question. I remember when Ronny Dam heard abt my break up, he put on the most sincere effort to cheer me up and the whole process made me so sad coz I was putting him through such torture that I stopped feeling bad abt the break up itself. That's why you'll see that whenever a guy tells another guy abt his break up, the listener promptly says, "We should get you drunk dude." Seriously, that's all we can think of - get the guy drunk and make him pass out. That should help! Sometimes we even suggest taking him to a strip club. And women, if you are reading this, NEVER ask a guy for break up advice. The only thing in his mind then will be "she is single, she is single". He'll tell you everything you wanna listen to but only if you want to tread that dangerous route again. Just try calling up a guy and telling him, "X and I just broke up and I have decided not to date anymore" and he'll be completely lost again.

He'll think for a while and say, "We should get you drunk, girl."

I guess men are too eager to drown their sorrows in a sea of liquor post break up as it reinforces the devdas like self image that a breakup induces in them. As far as women are concerned all I know is that post breakup most develop an unhealth and environmentaly unfriendly relationship with Kleenex. I have also known that some of them went in for a drastic hair cut!!! But never heard of icecream parties!!!
It just struck me that our conversations in Pilani were more or less limited to you pestering me to give yet another gate call....and here we are commenting on each others blogs!!
And yes we did have a rather enlightening intellectual conversation once about the buttons on my coat which ended with you asking for a treat.Rather Strange!!!
@anyesha (abt comment one) - amazing observation abt the hair cut thing - the favourite is a short cut (they call it bob cut, right?) :)

@anyesha (for second comment) - :)) seriously, such are the wonders of the Net. i was telling Shoumi the other day that I'm in far better communication with a lot of people from Pilani now (including Shoumi) than what I was when we all stayed in the same place. It's funny and surreal. btw, i don't remember asking you abt your coat button (boy, I sound like a weirdo now). i do remember the many gate calls you sweetly passed on (thank you for them) and i do remember that you never gave me that treat i asked for :))
interesting take on life. Keep it up.

check out my blog :

Reading this post prompted me to make this confession: I am a guy (now in grad school) and the incident I am about to write about happened in high school. A girl I was "friends with" and had a secret crush on, asked me some relationship adnice. She suspected her boy-friend was cheating on her and didn't know what to do. I tried to convince her that the best solution would be to break up !
I guess my convincing powers weren't too great because she decided to give him some extra physical action in order to "win him back"... AAARRGHH !!
@ascetic-crusader - thanks :) shall definitely look at ur site too

@anon - :) in ur case every action had an opposite and stronger re-action on someone else :)
Neat blog site helps me waste a few more minutes of my aimless graduate student life.
hmmm... never heard of a break-up ice-crem party b4....

i think gals r better listeners, they can empathise. guys? nay, they juz wanna have fun all the way, so "lets get us drunk!" =)

so guys, try to listen more. juz listen, no need to do anything "tormenting" =P
@rohan - thanks man. that's what grad students should do - work and play ... all day ... everyday :)

@lynniebabi - nice advice. go on. i'm listening :)
ah... u wan more?

when the gal/guy is sobbing nonstop into their kleenex, pat their back and say nothing.

when they say they feel like getting drunk, dun get drunk with them.

when they say they wanna go some place to relieve their stress, go with them.

when they say they wanna go after another gal/guy to get back at their ex, say "no, by being urself, u r getting back at them already"


in short, spoil them, but dun let them go overboard... =P
@lynniebabi - where were you when i as breaking up - i could seriously use of some of that talk then :))
Highly interesting. I look forward to more elaboration on this topic- especially the male view of the world, including heart-surgery by Candy, Kitten and Honey skewered like kababs on a strippers' pole.
@bridalbeer - between you and me - Honey is over rated - not half as sweet as Candy :)
where r the icecreams?
well i belong to the club which says "Silence is Golden" and try not to speak 'bout it until ppl go bonkers trying to figure out where the crankling sounds is coming from!(yeh!of the broken hearts:))

dude u really have a knack of bringing out a few laffs
@swathi - thanks :) as far as i'm concerned, i have tried the silent technique only to hear ppl say "see you heartless pig, we dint even hear any crankling" :)
Men ARE from Mars and women from Venus !!
@anon - very true my friend.
hmm interesting observations on ice-cream parties :D...i recall one of my men friends after having broken up with "X" decided to host a "condolence" meeting at a restaurant to bereave the moment..

...men indeed are from Mars ;)
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