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Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Get Cool - Part Deux (my longest post ever) 

Well, having given the advertisement to Nandy's Guide to Being Cool, it's time now to shell out the real deal. Or at least a part of it. So here it goes - use it at your own risk. People with heart burns, acidity, indigestion and an over-active libido please consult your lady love before using.

The Golden Rules to Appearing Cool

1. Popular Opinion is always BAD (only exceptions are LOTR, Star Wars and Hitchhikers' Guide). So denounce them (easiest target is Bollywood).

2. All the people who despise you, do so coz you chose to alien them out of your system.

3. Rock rocks.

So if you have a girl to impress or win over in three days and you can't do any more sh!t abt it, just follow the above rules. That's all you have time for. However, if you have more time, read on and master the (f)art.

Basic Social Dos and Don'ts

1. You need some rebellious physical trait. A tattoo is permanent and artificial tattoos are uncool. Piercings are painful. So you should go for a funky hair do or some obnoxious dressing (tattered is the new whole)!

2. You never tuck in your clothes coz that shows you care!

3. You need some issue that you feel "very strongly" abt. Most socially relevant issues already have strong supporters and opposers and you can run into trouble if you open your mouth in the wrong place. So choose something like PETA, Global Warming or Oil Crisis where you can find a wilder acceptance. Going "local" can be helpful too. e.g. "I support the local traffic eviction drive and even went on a protest with them."

4. You hate chick flicks and you HAVEN'T seen Titanic.

Movies

1. Remember Golden Rule #1. You can never like what is popular. So no Hindi movies or Hollywood blockbusters should be in your watch list.

2. Going European always helps coz nobody understands those movies. You can safely say, "I don't like mainstream cinema. Somebody should support the European Indie movement!" But there'll always be a few who actually watch French and Italian movies. So choose another country. Catch a few Portuguese films and say, "You should check them out. They are really cool!" Coz remember - anything which the other person hasn't heard of IS cool.

Music

1. Remember Golden rules #1 and #3. So you can't have anything to do with pop. Any reference to pop singers should be greeted with a sarcastic, "F@#k, you call that music? My dog lets out better sh!t than that!"

2. This is also the most difficult thing to fool people abt since you'll find enuff true rock fanatics around you and you can't compete with them. So you can do one of two things:
2.1. Choose one fairly popular group with relatively lesser number of songs and listen to everything they have and say, "It's very personal. They helped me at a stage when their music spoke to me. So I stick to them!"
2.2. Use the musical variant of the Movie Rule 2. Say you like "underground music".

Books

1. If you haven't read till date, then chances are high that you won't read now either. Plus reading takes time. So you have to take the easy route. I always say that if a book is good enuff they'll make a movie (or trilogy) based on it. Go DVD. BUT REMEMBER - "I loved the book a lot more. The movie somehow didn't capture the true spirit of the novel." and "The movie seemed too hurried."

Note: Watching Stephen King movies don't exactly increase your "well read image". So stay away from them (Shining is a great movie though).

Kind and cool readers reading this please add on to the list.

Comments:
Like I said "you are sick".
 
Nice list dude but not to be an a-hole or something but Lists of this kind have been done to death a million times before so the list itself is "uncool" by popularity.
Plus...you're really just rehashing old stuff. I like it but its nothing that made me laugh...
 
@modi - et tu modi! et tu :(

@anangbhai - i never claimed to be cool or original or funny - so i have no reputation to live up to :)

btw, the whole list is supposed to be sarcastic i.e. people who subscribe to such philosphies aren't exactly cool but often wannabes - i personally am all pro popular culture - so i dont mind indulging in the overdone
 
hey, I've added your blog to my side-bar...no probs right?

Pretty cool blog...keep up the good work! :D
 
@Amit - thanks :) problem? no way :)
 
if you guys really want the truth on how to be cool, it's really easy. Just act like you don't care about jack sh!t. it actually gets a lot of girls' attention really quick. they start to ask "why?" and ur in.


and be urself....even if ur a techie geek...someday someone will love you for it :-D
 
@sara - someday :) somewhere :) someone :) somehow :) how? how? how?
 
dude, if i knew, i woulda blogged about it already :-\
 
Sara is right....The 'geek' scores in the end ! I dunno if you've noticed but totally wierd geeks end up having the most beautiful wives :-) Its a well-proven theory.

-QED
 
@sara - then g and find out - do youhave any idea how many people will benefit from that??? :)

@anon - dude (i'm guessing) what you are forgetting is that a lot of these folks you mentioned also make a lot of money - so it's hard to say if it is the geekiness that attracts the buzz :)
 
I can't just GO and find out. It's a lot more complicated then that!

all this talk about the geeky guy getting the beautiful wife makes me wonder about the geeky girls...

What do they get??? And what if they want the geeky/techie/not so cool guy, but the geeky/techie/not so cool guy doesnt pay attention to the geeky girl cause he's too busy wooing the said beautiful people. What happens to her? Why is she left out in the dust?

I guess this proves the "nice/geeky guys finish last" phrase wrong....its the "nice/geeky girls that never even finishes" :-(
 
@sara - nice geeky girls get intant makeovers and become college heart throbs - ample teen romances (aka chick flicks) have shown that :) bottomline - even if a girl's a geek she doesnt have to seek :)
 
4th golden rule.....Don't ..even by mistake mention that u read a certain..Sagnik's blog!
:p
***runs away***
 
ok here goes....

say you like watching Chinese and Russian films as well..


also.. say you listen to stuff liek Telepopmusik..and ... err.. Ska...

books.... ask for a good book ...mull over the suggested tome and then say.. hmm.. ok ill try that after i finish my new cook book.

*giggle*
 
No Chick flicks? No Titanic? How about "Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind"? :D

And will Y Tu Mama Tambien do? (Don't ask me which language that is in. It's the only non-English/Hindi movie name I know!)

And yes, H2G2 rocks!

Oh, sorry. Rock rocks. H2G2 rulez!
 
@shub - if my blog makes half as much as money as the pop music and mainstream cinema which is concerned uncool - I shall personally drive cool folks away :))

@Grafxgurl - yes, Chinese films are the new in-thing and the cook book idea is awesome :))

@+vani - did you know that the guy who made YTMT also directed the last Harry Potter movie - so you can mention that and say "yeah, he got taken over by the vicious corporate cycle - man, what a loss" :))
 
Talking about The Fountainhead. that's considered cool (even though in some ways it goes against the very spirit of the book!)
 
@tipytopsy - absolutely true - as a matter of fact I would generalize and say that any "single word named" book can be made to sound cool (except for Sex)
 
Say things like "I don't like Aishwarya that much. I am sure she is a great beauty, but she lacks the essence of something or the other". Since everyone (almost everyone likes her, you are much cooler.)

Or things like, if the girl loves alternative rock, Nirvana sucks. They just didn't have the musical touch.Now if you take Green Day(very few people like this band), they've got the grunge and the musical talent to pull it off.

Or...
I am sure Sydney Sheldon is a great writer, but he is too feminine. He just exploits women which people don't seem to understand.
 
@anwin - that was cool :) really! and the whole "when with a woman anti exploitation" angle - well let's just say you are the man :)
 
Is your book title " Nandy's guide for dummies" ? :)
 
Conversation ove heard:

Guy1: dude, this blog by Nandy is cool. Its been read by lot of people and quite popular

Guy2: Dude.u are such a droll..you aint either cool or a dude if you read popular stuff. These days reading gvenum stuff is cool. that's the in thing. That guy sure "rocks".

Peace!!
 
@ratna - in Bengali "daami" means expensive - well by that meaning at least there is nothing "daami" abt my book :)

@gvenum - such a latent attack below my "ultra cool belt"?? how could you? I shall retaliate with a - :))
 
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