Monday, June 06, 2005

I Scream 

This post is inspired by a weekend conversation that kinda went like this:

Girl: I'm in a very Bridget Jones-ish mood right now.
Me: And what might that be?
Girl: This is when I think I'm ugly and fat and will never get married.
Me: Bull sh!t. You're just fishing for compliments. Let's analyze your situation. You're depressed coz you have Hugh Grant and Colin Firth vying for your attention?
Girl: No, I'm just very very depressed.
Me: So, lemme guess. The next thing you'll do is have ice cream.
Girl: Exactly! I was just abt to do that.

Now I'm no expert on women, but I've seen this happen quite often. Women use depression as an excuse to have ice cream. Every time my ex hovered around the fat-free yogurt shop, I knew that relationship turmoil was nigh. Feeding a girl fat-free yogurt is like feeding a tiger vegetable patties. It's only a matter of time before they want the real deal. BUT women refuse to have ice cream naturally. They always need an excuse for it. If they are the slim-trim-lean-machine types, they say, "No thanks. I'm off carbs!" and if they've taken the "plumpy path" instead, then somehow ice cream is the first item they denounce. Take a girl out for dinner and she'll finish an entire steak by herself. Then ask the same girl if she'd like some ice cream for dessert and she'll smile and say, "No! You see, I've just started dieting. So I can't eat ice cream." Bottom line, when the craving for ice cream reaches it's height, women need an excuse to give in to it. And depression seems to be the perfect alibi.

All this made me wonder (after all I'm basically a thinker) if men are indeed as bad as they are made out to be. Maybe we are all very nice people. Maybe it's always been abt the ice cream :) Maybe this is the secret we don't know. Maybe for years women have used us and our foibles as an excuse to satisfy their ice cream cravings. Seriously, what if we are all just lil spoons that they've just used to cool themselves down?? What if?


There is a big list of things we do when we are depressed/ bored:
For I = depressed || bored {
Eat chocolate ;
Window shopping;
Movie watching;

@ratna - naaaaaah! i was just thinking fo writing this entire post as code and now you have done it first :) i completely agree to your code and have personally witnessed the "eat chocolate" and "eat ice cream" in women i have known. sadly, the sample space i'm talking abt dint need depression || bored to go window shopping - that was a const variable :)
I forgot the boundary conditions 1 - 365 :)

As for moi, I say, never let relationships interfere with appetite.

Bring on the Chocolate Ice-cream!! ;)
@ratna - ahaaa! so men then wait for leap years to get that one special day :))

@angel - yes yes yes! i strongly believe that there is nothign like tooo much chocolate. men/women can come ad go but good ol' chocolate and reruns of Seinfield and FRIENDS will be there for you :)
Dude, I think you just answered the one question that's been haunting every man who's every lived on this planet.

Q. What do women want?
A. Ice Cream
@rajeshJadvani- u got just a part of a zillion parted answer... women want a lot more than ice-cream.... shoes...clothes..food that does not make one feel guilty..unlimited extentions on allowances.......and the lsit goes on.
@sagnik- tht was a really mean attack on a girld need for ice-cream... u seem to forget we could do the same for u guy's urge for beer or need to watch sports or surf channels and generally hog the remote control. lol. ;)
@+vani (how's this name) - now that we have it figured out, let's try it out :)

@sayantani - all the other things that you listed (other than ice cream) women don't need excuses to have - i've spent a good part of a relationship "helping" look for shoes and clothes and never have i received an excuse for it (other than "don't you enjoy doing FUN stuff with me!!!" :) BUT for ice cream women need an excuse :(

coming to the second part of ur comment - kudos!!! you have men fully figured out :) *clap clap* but men don't search for excuses to do any of these, right?? have you ever heard a man say, "i'm feeling really low - let me just keep the remote to myself and watch fotball"? naaaa! but you must have heard girls say, "i'm feeling very low today" and then they put on their sweats, take out an ice cream tub and dive straight into it :) ONE OF THE LONGEST REPLIES I HAVE EVER WRITTEN :)
could it just be they watch too much FRIENDS? Somehow I did notice these fads that started setting in with each new episode of that series. What if women never really ate ice cream? And knowing this the EVIL ICE CREAM CORPORATE GIANTS (DQ) slipped the fad into an episode of everyone's favorite sitcom ... it is simply brilliant. If men could trigger off this craving ... all they needed was Monica and Rachel to tell these women that this is the cool (pun intended) thing to do! ... these guys would be gazillionares .. and they are!

them corporate bastards!
i just watch tons of sappy romance movies when im depressed... and then eat a lot of pasta... then feel really bad about it the next morning..lol
@sanketh - ahaa! i was actually thinking of the FRIENDS epsode "The one where everybody's late" when I was making the previous comment (abt sweat pants et al.) and what you say Sanketh boy makes a lot of sense - i was reading that a whopping number of people found out that condoms are not 100% safe after Rachel got pregnant - so it's time we take sitcoms seriously :)

@grafxgurl - in my case, in the past, i've got really depressed after my ex made me watch a lot of sappy romances :))
exaactly...like a coupla others haev pointed out here....any friends episode you see...hte ice cream comes out when ppl are deoressed! and the real stuff, the fat free one is for less painful occassions! :)
hahha yeah i know.. theyre best watched by us women.. unless the guy lieks to watch them too... i usually dont pester them.. grew with too many boys to know that!!!!
the hard way!! hahahha..
@shub - what would we have done without FRIENDS :) it rocks! and don't forget the sweats :)

@grafxgurl - ah that's really nice of you :) a lot of people i've known haven't been so kind - sweet home alabama, how to lose a guy in ten days and gazillion screenings of pretty woman would vouch for me :))
OMG! It's a conspiracy....although I'm still confused by who's actually orchestrating it...women or Evil Ice-cream Corporations. Maybe, it's high ranking female executives of Evil Ice Cream corporations.
@sridhar - you figured it right dude! "All in all you're just another spoon in the tub."
My most perfect date ever was with Ben & Jerry. :-D

And I will transfer one of my older posts from my blogs into this comment section for you all to see.

Ever Wonder....

Why does dessert make us feel better in times of stress.

I've uncovered something.

It's because "stressed" spelled backwards is "desserts".


I think not.
@sara - "stressed is opp of dessert" - super duper brilliant!!! wow! seriously - how did it evade ppl?? brilliant :)

talking abt words and desserts, my ex kept saying that "the way to differentiate between desert and dessert is that the sweeter one has more s"
oh yah! my 2nd grade teacher told me the same thing cause I always used to get them all mixed up!
@sara - did my ex teach you in school ??????? :)
ummmm if your ex is now a 67 year old lady that live across the street from my former elementary school, i think not :-\
@sara - ok! till now all the clues sound like my ex :)) (i hope she doesn't read my blog) - did she have a bad temper too :)
OH SHE DID!!! She was quite violent also. She once kicked a girl cause the girl threw up in her classroom.
She once kicked a girl cause the girl threw up in her classroom.

Ouch. Definitely sounds like someone's ex...
ROFL still...

like i alwayz say "I never met a calorie I did not like" n of course this is my eternal excuse to binge on ice creams, no on second thots I extend it to chocolates as well
@sara - yup! still sounds familiar. this one has to be investigated further :))

@rajesh - it sure does :)

@swathi - chocolate and ice cream rules - they taste good, they are easy to afford (most of the times) and get you in a good mood - what more do i want :)
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