Thursday, June 02, 2005

A story for all 

Once upon a time there lived ten heterosexual men in the island of Chompchomp. They did everything that men do - ate till their stomach's were full, drank till their hearts were full and bedded a new woman every night. Then, five years back, on a seen-in-movies-before stormy night, the women of the island got tired of the men and their deviant ways. They all conspired below the tall palm tree and came up with a plan - a plan that would change the life of the men in the island for years to come.

The next morning the ten men woke up to find their women gone. Not a single one of them was left on the island. They had all left in the dark of the night and had taken every boat, ship and yatch along with them ... and suddenly things changed ... changed forever.

Soon the men realized the true value of the women they had once taken for granted. They cried for them, screamed for them, drank for them and then in their inebriated state they cried a little more. Three of them wrote apology notes, put it in one of their dry alcohol bottles and threw it into the ocean. But the women were gone ... gone for good. Celibacy, once an alien concept in the island, soon became the natural norm.

It was only a matter of time before the men would break down and soon then did. Mister B, once called the "Honey Lover" for his sweet serenading ways, was the first to snap. On a sunny Sunday afternoon he shed all his clothes and ran up the hill. He then climbed up the legendary palm tree and sat there for hours, singing strange songs in strange languages. Finally, the remaining nine found him below the tree with a palm by his side - both cracked wide open. Villagers said that was the last date Mr. B ever had.

Two months passed since that day and the remaining nine could take it no more. Celibacy was taking its toll. The abundant alcohol only added to the woes. "They" say that a desperate drunk is a dangerous combination and boy were "they" right. Finally, on another Sunday afternoon, the remaining nine decided to follow B's path. They too climbed up the hill, planning never to come down again. The dreaded Troto fruit's juice was added to all their drinks. Everybody in Chompchomp knew that nobody who'd ever tasted the dew of the Troto had lived to tell the tale. But to them it didn't matter. So they all sat below the palm tree and raised a final toast. And just as they were about to gulp down their last vice, they heard a voice. A sweet, exotic and slutty voice.

"Excooz me gentahmen. Me Missy from FarAwayLand. Missy lost. Missy's boat overturned. Missy alone. Missy wet. Missy hungry - hungry for food. Hungry for loooooove," the blue eyed damsel chirped. Never had the men seen beauty so beautiful. And those eyes; begging for love. Begging to be pleased. Pleased like no woman had been pleased before.

Nobody knows what happened that night. Except that the men didn't drink their Trotos and they all looked a lot happier next morning and yes, Missy was crowned the Village Queen. Soon the men repaired Queen Missy's boat and sailed to far away shores and brought back their women and they all lived happily ever after. Well, almost happily that is, because every now and then the Queen would summon one of the men to her palace, thereby causing the wives of Chompchomp immense displeasure.

So, dear readers tell me now, what was the basic summary of this story???
A bitch in time, saves nine :))

I got a story for you!

A woman was walking through a forest and found a little frog that was caught under a big tree branch. The frog was not just like any other frog, it was an enchanted frog. It said to the lady, "If you help free me, I will grant you three wishes." The woman thought about it real hard because she knew there must be some sort of catch Eventually she decided it was worth the risk.

She helped free the frog. The enchanted frog then said "I will now grant you three wishes, but I forgot to tell you before, whatever you wish for, your husband will recieve it ten times greater." The woman said "AH HA! I knew there was a catch, but that is fine with me."

"What is your first wish?" the enchanted frog asked. The woman replied "I want to be the most beautiful woman in the world." The frog then said "Okay, but then that would make your husband the most handsome man in the world and he will be ten times more beautiful then you." "That's fine," the woman said.

Next, the woman said "I wish to be the richest person in the world." The frog replied "That will make your husband ten times richer then you." "Yes, I understand, now on to my third wish Enchanted Frog." the woman replied.

"What is your third wish Madam?" Asked the enchanted frog.

"I wish for a mild heart attack."

Moral of the Story:

Woman are clever biatches, don't mess with them ;-)
@sara - oh brilliant! shit, it's better than the post :( definitely not a story for the weak hearted :)
oh definitly not! now friend, don't tell me you are amongst the weak hearted ones ;)
@sara - i'm hoping not :) i thoroughly enjoyed your story :)
well thats great! mission accomplished! :-D
I see story telling on the horizon...so here's something I read a few years back,

A sixty year old woman buys an old lamp at a garage sale and takes it home. Since it looks extremely dirty she takes a rag and starts wiping it. Sure enough, the proverbial genie appears and says, "You have set me free from my prison and for that I will grant you three wishes." The old woman thinks for a long time and says, "I want to be 22 years old and beautiful.". The genie waves his hand and the woman turns into a 22 year old bombshell.

The woman thinks for some more time and says, "I want to be the richest person in the world." The genie waves his hand and the woman is surrounded by more riches than she could even imagine spending in ten lifetimes.

The woman then takes a look at her cat and says, "I want my cat to turn into a handsome young prince who is madly in love with me." The genie waves his hand and the cat turns into a dashing young prince who walks up to the woman, holds her tenderly and whispers softly in her ear, "Now aren't you sorry you had me neutered?"
@sara - :)

@sridhar - well! the same thing that i told sara earlier, your story puts my original post to shame - but the rules of blogosphere will allow me to keep my post untouched - muhahahahahaa!
Came expecting to read one good story..ended up reading three :)

yor blog is a really cheerful place Sagnik. It's a pleasure to read very post and great to see that it is updated so regularly!
@tipsy-topsy - thank you :) very sweet of u :)
lol.. you smart Butt you .. lol....
@grafxgurl - a smart BUTT is a wise ass :))
Dude, classy story! And I disagree with you. The post is better than the comments.
I fear for your life though :)
@rajesh - aha thank you thank you :) the story is a tribute to those childhood pjs where you hear something long just for the punch line - which is not there :)
@sagnik - :) They call those shaggy dog stories :)
@rajesh - every dog has his day - in this story it was the bitch's :)
@sagnik - Careful, man! You're gonna get beaten up!
Good one, dude. Here's a little to add to it.

After Sagnik's story started making rounds in the college, he saw a group of girls running towards him with passion written all over their eyes.

Sagnik was not sure what to do; he didn't know that the girls had read the story and were mad with a passion: to kill him.

He decided to take his chance and smiled upon the ladies as they besieged him.

He got the thrashing of his life.

Moral of the story:
When in doubt, run.

Or consquently;

When the ladies asked Sagnik if hw knew of the story, he said yes. His good friend, Rsjesh, had authored it.

Rajesh got the thrashing of his life.

When in doubt, blame others.
@rohit - un"doubt"edly some valuable advice there man. thanks :)
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