Monday, July 25, 2005

Number Crunching! 

M (who shall not be named, even though I'm tempted to do so) once again returns as the inspiration for this post. M and I were discussing my romantic past (ooooh la la)! Now for those unaware (which should be most people reading this blog), for a man who rants so much abt relationships, I'm actually quite inexperienced (aaaah listen to the sound of honesty dripping drop by drop). I've been in just two relationships - one that lasted two years and another that lasted six years. So even though it sounds glamorous to think "aah! I've been in relationships for eight straight years", going by sheer numbers - I'm no Mr. Lover Luvah. It was here that M put in one of her priceless gems. She felt that 2 relationships over 8 years is good for the "love resume" - apparently, it'll give women the impression that I'm someone who is pro-serious relationships, while hinting at the fact that more than one woman have fallen for me, suggesting that the package might be worth unwrapping. This made me wonder - what kind of a past do we expect from our partners? As straight forward as the answer might appear to be, the issue is a lot more trickier than that. So let's jump into details :)

Let's say you're a guy and you meet this "oooh la la" gorgeous girl. The two of you hit it off royally and you start wondering when to pop her the question. She then tells you that she has never been in a relationship. So what'll your reaction be? Trust me! It's NOT gonna be a "Wow! She has never been with another guy". It'll actually be "What? WHY has she never been with any guy?" You'll jump to a million conclusions - All the "Does she not like men?", "Are her standards too high?", "Maybe she is not what she appears to be" will parade in your mind. Accept it - a certain uneasiness will hit you and you'll re-evaluate your popping passions! On the other hand, if the girl tells you that she has been in three failed relationships, you'll feel a lot more relieved. "Aah! She definitely has been wooed by more than one man. So I surely have a chance," you'll smile a joyous smile. Plus you'll be excited at the easy serenading technique that just opened up! All you have to do then is find out abt the three men she had problems with and pretend to be "not them"! Nothing impresses a woman more than the opposite of her estranged lover(s) and men have used this trump card for years now!

There are pitfalls to this technique though! While "zero relationships" might make you question too much and "one" might make you think that this might be a rebound, "two-four" is both comforting and reassuring. However, as the number grows the girl treads into the "hoochie line". Moral values get questioned and you have to outdo a lot more men to impress her. As the number of yardsticks increase so does the difficulty of meeting them. It is easy to outdo the "jerk", "ego-maniac" and the "introvert" but a lot more difficult to compete with the "golfer", "the banker", "the Oxford grad", "the charmer" and the likes. With increasing numbers, comes increasing responsibilities and that's not a pleasing notion :) Bottomline - in an age where pretty much everybody has been in a relationship at some point - we expect a fair trade of our past secrets - where both parties bring to the table enuff sh!t to make the other feel comfortable while ensuring that there is no stench!

So what kind of a number do you expect from your partner????

P.S. To all the kind people who've enquired abt the sporadic frequencies of posts, the answer is still "the lack of internet connectivity". Subs gave into my idea of subscribing to Dish and in return I agreed to his idea of DSL. DSL needs a phone line - something we only get at the end of the week. So till then I'll try to make my posts like Mallika Sherawat's clothes - occasional, revealing but still worth a watch :))

Hope only few women read this blog and get enlightened abt the tricks of men..Sagnik, I think u are bribed by women...u shouldnt be revealing all the secrets to women...
I think you are quite funny. I do remember a time when past failed relationships were skeletons in ones closet; looks like we've moved beyond that now.
These days past relationships are not a secret anymore. It is good to see people being open minded about relationships.
@prabha - bribed by women?? :(( neither in cash nor kind :((

@m - thank you :) yup! Times have changed.

@anon - yes, ow people are into bigger secrets like - who is the father of the child etc :)
2-4 is a good range, i think..
BTW, i'm impressed by the "six years".. am sure there's a painful story there.
6 years story usually involves non-commitment attitude of the guy.Correct me if I am wrong.
A lot of people break up after long relationships. I know a couple who broke up after 12, and it was nothing to do with commitments. I guess there is a difference between relationships formed when you are just out of high school and the ones you have when you are more mature (?). Basically the ones in school and right after are based more on physical attraction and lean more towards infatuations. But true commitment can only come once you spend considerable time with a person and see if the vibes match.
@yeo (had to use a short form) - yeah i feel 2 serious one + 1 fling will be a good thing to expect from my partner :)

@anon - corrected :) it was nothing to do with committment - or so i believe - it had to do with a lot more dirt and i have assured her that i shall never write abt it :)

@M - couldn't have said it better *clap clap*
so, u dun like a "virgin" in relationships, huh?? =P

reminds me of a saying in chinese:
lean piece of land, nobody wants. once someone planted something on it, everybody wants a piece of it...
@lynniebabi - it doesn't matter what i like or don't like any more - i have officially become the beggar of the saying "beggars can't be choosers" :)
if a gorgeous gal is still not in a relationship it cud also be 'coz shez from a small town in India where everyone knows everyone else n she has recently moved to the city n u r the lucky #1 (howzz tat!)

it cud also mean that she has to live upto ur yardsticks as well ,aint it?
Interesting thoughts, but too generic, I think. There are lots of guys who would love to be the first guy in a girl's life. A lot of these guys would be extremely threatened by the fact that the girl has done this before.
People like that may think -

(1) "She broke up with him. She can just as easily break up with me."

(2) "He broke up with her. Why? What is wrong with her?"

In the Indian context, my guess would be that the kind of guy you describe, is probably going to be easier to find outside India, and the kind of guy I'm talking about would be easier to find in India.

:) Interesting thoughts, though :)

Btw, let us know if DSL is actually any better than Cable (for the same cost, that is). I've heard conflicting views.
So the M (who shall not be named) showed up with her blog!! Or is this M different.
@swathi - i can assure you that such things don't happen with me. i am more likely to land up with the big town girl who no one knows and turns out to be a lesbian :))

@rajesh - nice thoughts ... maybe you and i should have a jugalbandi blog :) as far as dsl is concerned i have hard bad things too but lesse

@anon - oh No! The M I refer to has been blogging even before I started. She is a different one :)
Anon: When M (who shall not be named) shows up, she shows up as M who shall not be named. We do like our Voldemort-ish name, what to do! ;)
@M(who shall not be named) - :))
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