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Thursday, August 11, 2005

Or-deal!!!! 

I'm really exhausted!!! I'm making panting sounds that are comical and depressing at the same time. Poof!! And why am I in this state? Women's SHOPPING!

Now I've ranted aplenty in the past abt going to shop WITH women but today's situation was very different - I went shopping alone but FOR women. Lemme explain! I spent the entire morning shopping for my darling sis and my mom. Now shopping for mom is simple - she has a thing for fragnances and those aren't difficult to locate and buy! Also people are less reluctant to try out fragnances coz it's kinda difficult to completely mess them up (or that's what a guy feels). However, for my sis, I needed to buy clothes ... and they are a Pain In the A#@e to get. You can't just buy anything coz if it's not nice, lil sis wont even try it out. The red top will then sit next to that orange skirt that her first boy friend gave her (which she refuses to either wear or throw out). The problems don't end if she likes the clothes coz they have to fit her too. And you think it's "game over" if the clothes pass the fitting test? Nope! Coz the final and most difficult stage is where the clothes go through a strict censoring process headed by "Papa please preach" and "Momma don't screech"!

So, have you ever tried being the only guy in a shop full of girls? Ok! You did spot those two guys in the corner - but they have girls accompanying them. Ooops! One of them even kissed his lady love - so no one's questioning him. But what abt you? You are alone. You look lost. You have no idea what you want. Forget your wants - you don't even have an idea of what it is that you are looking for. So you aimlessly wander around the store - picking up things, putting them down and picking them up again. Just then the store attendant comes up.

"Sir, can I help you?"

*Of course you can. Can you make me invisible for the next 30 minutes*.
"No, I'm good."
*No, I'm not. I have no idea what I'm doing here*

"Ok Sir, I'll be just round the corner. Lemme know if you need any help."

You see the store attendant leave and the moment you turn around, you see a crowd of eyes judging you.

"Is he a pervert who's here to check women out?"
"Does he cross dress?"
"Who is he shopping for? Is he trying to surprise his girl friend. Yikes! Look at his choice."

The roving eyes ask a million questions and the one answer you provide to all of them is to keep your head so low that you can't see anything other than your own shoes.

30 minutes and six items later I appeared in front of the payment counter, gasping for breath; longing to see the Exit sign that'll take me outside the shop; counting seconds before I become a "man" again. All the clerk has to do now, is charge my credit card and let me go. That shouldn't take more than 30 seconds.

Did you find everything all right, sir?

- Yes, I did *I don't care, just lemme go*

Are you aware that we have a special discount on skirts - buy 2 and get 1 free.

- No, it's fine *Lemme go! Momma lemme go*

Are you aware of our return policy, sir?

-Yes, I am *I don't care. Lemme go. Just lemme go!*

That's a lot of clothes. Girl friend?
No, sister *how does it matter to you. Charge my credit card and lemme go*

How old is she?
She is 22 *She is two hundred and thirty seven years old. How does that matter to you? Do you want to marry her? Just lemme go*

Do you want a gift receipt sir?
No (almost in tears). It's ok! *I'm accepting. Yes, I'm accepting. It was me who forgot the lines in the class 2 play. It was me who spilled water on the floor in class 7. I agree that when I told my ex I was busy working in January, I was actually watching an episode of FRIENDS. I accept it all. Don't torture me any more. Just Lemme go.*

Another five minutes and the mandatory "id check", "do you want the receipt in the bag" and "please come back again" later, I saw the outside World again. You might not believe it, but the feeling was similar to what Will Smith experienced after his heroic escape from the space ship in ID4.

Wooof!!

Comments:
That was sweet of you to shop like this for little sis. She sure would read your ordeal and feel good to have a brother who goes out of his way to shop :)
 
Welcome bac to the Earth as u know it my friend, want a beer.
Btw god has this eerie way of driving out confessionals from within us u see :), bet he was laughing up there all this while.
 
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
 
That's hilarious Sagnik! Almost wish you went shopping for girly clothes much more often just to read posts like this :))
 
Manchus - there's nothing sweet about buying stuff for home, especially for ladies - it's a no-win situation - trust me!
I mean, if it's a guy, he'll tell you EXACTLY which tennis racket to get for him, or which French cognac to buy, but women...ahh...best is to hand over cash!
 
@manchus - she doesn't read my blog :(( but i will make her read this one - just for the respect :)

@rohan - :) yes, you should have seen me once i left the shop - i actually saw a better deal outside another shop but i was like - whatever

@ramya - i wish i went shopping a lot more often for girly clothes too BUt along with a girl :)

@biplabuncle - actually the most diff person for me to shop for is dad - coz whatever i give him - he gives me back to use (we fit the same kind of clothes, use similar toilet products etc.) - so i have to think of things that i dont use but he does :)
 
Thou art indeed a brave man having gone where no man has ventured alone before :D
After thought: Why do all guys hate shopping so much...with or without a girl around?
 
How old is she?
She is 22 *She is two hundred and thirty seven years old. How does that matter to you? Do you want to marry her? Just lemme go*

lol
 
Wonderful ! That's so sweet. I am sure your little sister and your mom, who have probably shopped for you a hundred thousand times without complaining or being appreciated for their pains, would be eternally grateful !
 
@kumari - actually today it was not shopping but the fact that i was all alone in a girl's store that was difficult

@rakhi - thanks :)

@anon - aha! i sense a mild dose of sarcasm there - but the thing i sthat women enjoy shopping - so even it is for men - the inus is less :)
 
LOL

Next time, take a friend along with you so that you don't feel like you have spent 30 minutes in a grinder!
 
A good reason that you should relocate to China -

Shopping for the fairer sex is so painlessly uncomplicated. You have 3 things to choose from:

1. Kimono
2. Kimono
3. Kimono

And of course, if you manage to make a wrong choice, you can always use it yourself and still avoid the 'cross-dresser' tag :)
 
@divya - the catch sadly is that the only girl i knew/know in San Diego was my ex - who pretty much hates me :)

@aj - where were you 4 years back when i was choosing grad schools - you could have just told me abt China and then today I could have avoided all this trouble - darn!
 
hahaha my bro had to face the same situation but it was for cosmectics , one the lady at the stores made him try the colours and next my bro's fear of being judged as a cross-dresser!!
when told that all cosmetics for his sister , the shoplady was sooper impressed and said " can i b your sister too" , my bro teribbly sad later as that girl was hot!!
 
that really seemed like a 'traumatic' experience.. am glad ur still in 'one piece' :))
 
hilarious post, but must say u did a great job of picking 6 outfits in 1/2 hr , I bet ur sis wud've taken longer than that.

n given the few choices men have for shopping,I get lost everytime I shop for them.
 
funny...it's nice that ur sis has such a caring bhai...
lol
 
@divya - it's time all we bros combine and make all sisters do something that would embarrass you all too :)

@me - thank you :)

@swathi - nope, as i said - this is just the beginning - dekhtey hai if sis likes the stuff :?

@aindrilla - now i expect her to be just a caring when i am in Kol :)
 
Tch tch....you silly man, what's to make such a hullaballoo over? Whatever is SOOOOO scary about going shopping?
 
That was hilarious :-)
and it was very sweet of u to go shopping for the girl folks back at home. I know how difficult it is to get guys to go shopping..read my recent post on
Guys and Shopping
 
Hahaha...Dude, you are failing to see the opportunity to talk to those cute women behind the counters there! Its an 'all-woman' shop, so you are not expected to be rummaging through all alone. I'd walk up to the cutest chick and say "Hi..I am looking to buy a sweatshirt for my sis/girlfriend. Could you help me select one please?"

But it can get awkward after that. Like for example, she'd ask "How big is she?" and I'd go "Duh..I dunno" and she'd sorta straighten her shoulder, put her chest out and say "As big as me?". And for some odd reason, you are almost never guaging her height at this point!
 
Hahaha...Dude, you are failing to see the opportunity to talk to those cute women behind the counters there! Its an 'all-woman' shop, so you are not expected to be rummaging through all alone. I'd walk up to the cutest chick and say "Hi..I am looking to buy a sweatshirt for my sis/girlfriend. Could you help me select one please?"

But it can get awkward after that. Like for example, she'd ask "How big is she?" and I'd go "Duh..I dunno" and she'd sorta straighten her shoulder, put her chest out and say "As big as me?". And for some odd reason, you are almost never guaging her height at this point!
 
You've kindred soul in me. I once had to purchase a nighty for my sis and since she'd just delivered a baby, I had to specifically ask for one which had buttons in the front! I died a thousand deaths that day!
 
ohh my!! u got 6 outfits in JUST 30 mins??wow!!tat really a RECORD TIME!man! how do u guys manage to get sooo many outfits in sooo less time and then to top it all complain abt tat?? i tk atleast an hour to get max of 2 outfits...but i guess all guys r like this...i went with my bf last week to get a few tops n myy goddd...all he cud do was sulk sulk n sulk...n i just took an hr n a half to complete my shopping ...a record time 4 me to get 5 tops..u guys shud first understand the thrill,xcitement,fun involved in shopping..then i m sure u guys can also feel the exotic pleasure in shopping!!:)
 
I once gladly volunteered to accompany a friend mine to buy lingerie for his gf...he was a bit nervous but i acted as if i had done this my whole life...finally 'we' settled for few pieces plus a G-String...To brag of my experience I even agreed to take it to the cashier to pay for it...the rest what happened has been aptly described in your blog...
 
@Sagnik,
With this you have won the brownie points of being a great brother. So just wait for Raksha Bhandan...girls will flock around your house :))))

Just can't stop laughing after making a wicked statement.
 
Hilarious stuff...
 
@ideasmith - it's not shopping that's scary - it's shopping alone in a woman's shop tat is frightening lady :)

@rt - thanks :) yup! taking a guy shopping is like taking a goat for tiger hunting :)

@jax - chah! why couldn't you let that thought out earlier man! sadly for me - the lady in the counter was in her mid 40s - so not much that I could do there either :((

@jinguchaka - i really feel your pain man - dil se :)

@xyz - you have to undertand that taking a guy for shopping is like taking a girl for a boxing match - you have to really love the person to do that :)

@vin - see lingerie is a different thing man - at least even if people think you are a perv - you can still feast your eyes - but thing are slightly diff when you are trying to get tops and matching skirts :)

@manchus - not funny at all *very angry* :))

@cipher - thanks a lot :)
 
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