Thursday, August 04, 2005

The Other Me (if only ...) 

People, please remember that this blog is written by someone with very little intelligence. So please don't take any of his posts seriously - that kills the whole purpose of the blog. A lot of the stuff the author writes is to poke fun at various situations without meaning any malice. If all his posts were to reflect his true nature, he'll have to be a male hating, women loathing, animal detesting, art abhorring, kleptomaniac and that's so not true coz the guy definitely doesn't steal :) So read, enjoy and FORGET! And yes, please leave your comments behind :)

As a comment to yesterday's post, the great Mr. Advani made a very interesting thought. Mr. Advani claimed that I appeared in his dream (!!!) where it was revealed that moi and the popular BridalBeer are the same person. Now, to begin with, I take that as flattery - appearing in the dreams of people who haven't seen me (notwithstanding their sex) and being compared to the very talented BridalBeer, are both very flattering thoughts. Sadly, even though I know BridalBeer quite well, I'm not her AND nor am I posing as her. There are two reasons for that - (i) contrary to my rants and the impression given by my posting regularity, I'm actually a fairly busy person. So starting another blog and maintaining it will be quite painstaking AND MORE IMPORTANTLY (ii) I WILL MAKE A TERRIBLE WOMAN. Yup! I've said it - even if I tried very hard, I'll be as convincing as a woman as Tom Cruise would be in the role of a discreet lover. Don't believe me - hear me out:

* I can't shop! The total amount of time I spend in a year in shopping is less than the amount of time most women take to try out "does this pink top go with the blue skirt" combination in a SINGLE store.

* I can't differentiate between scarlet, crimson, magenta, red etc. and I'm NOT color blind. So don't even think of asking me "do you notice the difference in my lipstick shade" coz I most definitely DON'T. On the other hand women are gifted with superhuman abilities in this department - I have at least ten blue T shirts that look identical to me and yet I've had girls who've mentioned that "this blue T goes better with your jeans than the lighter shade you wore last week". How, how, how do you do it women?

* I have very different reactions towards dogs and kids. Men, please support me on this - most women that I know (and modesty apart I know a fair amount) have the identical "ooooh! how chueeeeeeeet", "is it a boy or a girl" and "how old is he" reaction to both newborns and the barking variety. I, on the other hand, realize the difference that one of them can (and probably will) bite you, while the other can only nibble and poop on you :)

* I think gazillion was the number of times that ex told me "the problem with you is that you don't understand" and the truth is that I truly don't. Women, I believe, are gifted with superior qualities of perception, allowing them to understand a lot of things that I don't even know exist. Do you understand me?

* I hate chick flicks. I giggled when Rose and Jack were saying goodbye to each other. All that I could think of then was "will he do a flashback of the time he painted her nude?" I also think that Legally Blonde should be Legally Banned.

I can list a lot more reasons but I've got to go and update my BridalBeer blog now :)) or do I ????

I do want to object to certain characteristics that you claim put you out of the female category. For example, I HATE to shop and I detest going to the Mall; I have NEVER differentiated between shades of the same color unless they are set up right next to each other and I am looking for a difference; and I DO know a baby's a baby and a dog is a dog. I agree that men don't understand, atleast they pretend not to and I did not chuckle or grin when Jack was freezing to death in the ocean, but neither was I crying. May be that qualifies me as a woman, but I don't think you got all of it straight. I guess men don't understand after all :))
M has put it right.
NOT ALL women fall into this stereotype description. In fact about 50% won't fall into this.

I just hate dogs or cat or any other so called pet. They are good in a picture or as a soft toy sometimes.

I do shop. But not the way Sagnik'da' described it.

Titanic never stirred any emotion in me. It all depends on the mood I am in. If I feel like crying for something else that happened in life, I use the movie time to cry(sob sob...). But, that does not mean that I cry for any emotional movie.

Sagnik'da' aka BridalBeer , this sure is a post that will get more comments (in a good way) :)
I love shopping but is tehre any diff b/w those colors mentioned? :o
Now that is one stereo-type i shall not fit in completely....and since why it is wrong has already been covered by the Senior Ladies, i shall just sit in a corner and ensoii the phun :D
:)) before i post individual comments - women notice kumari's reference as "senior ladies" and fight back *aha a blog cat fight would be great :)*

@m - you don't like shopping :O please lemme know what your husband did to be blessed with such a wife - we would love to emulate too :)

@manchus - manchus in my defense i cried after titanic too - but that was because the ticket cost 60 bucks :))

@kumari - that explanation is simple - you are married = you are in love = now love is blind = you are color blind :)
Talk about random gender stereo-types!!! Speak for yourself mister, I wouldn't be surprised if at least 50% of the male pop would be able to tell the difference between those colors. Of course a lot would simply pretend that they can't just to fit in easy.

Behavior suggests stereotypes which more often than not strongly reinforces behavior!
Ahem...'Titanic' wasn't a chick flick at all. At least not in Calcutta. Don't you remember the welcome-to-the-world-of-AIDS needle rumor thingy at Globe?
Lol, that dog triva - original!
You brutally stereotype.
for myself, i would agree most with the shopping bit and that i do feel most men are not sensitive enough to "understand" or perceive a lot of things that affect women (maybe those would be non-issues to them like you said!)....

....but i am not crazy about kids or dogs....i actually feel quite uncomfortable in the presence of both sometimes as people usually expect you to baby talk or doggie talk to them and it just doesn't come naturally to me! :)
@amlan - sadly (or maybe not so sadly) for me i have largely grown up with men who don't know the difference between those shades - what to do shady people we were :)

@biplabda - yes, i remember that scare - i had stopped visiting theatres for a while dude - but i remember seeing Titanic in Globe with 5 women and 1 other guy and the women wept on as we giggled and laughed :))

@SN - that i do - but for tender fun only - no malice meant

@syl - what you don't baby talk?? :)) i thought that is a big sign of sensitivity - where y ou see a kid and burst into kid language "o je porgie baby wusi busi looloo poo pooo" and the likes :)
to baby talk - a sign of sensitivity??!! we certainly don't agree on the definition of sensitivity then! ...very simply put, i guess it is the ability to sense feelings and in turn to be easily affected by them...saying chooo chweeet, etc to a baby doesn't in any way reflect this ability :) ....

politicians promise to make this country a better place every year ....if only those 'promises' were a sign of 'patriotism', guess we would be a better country already! (that was my take at a joke!! :) )
I do loooooooove shopping but i've known some guys also who njoy shopping a lot,

i beg to differ with u on the color patterns - there r more males who ask me 'bout my shade of nail colors than females!

I stay away from pets of the animal variety since they r gud from far n far from gud but have to grudgingly admit that i find kids chweeet.

from when did Titanic become a chick flick??? n no for the record, i din shed a single tear for it

n I think u have left an important point- our compulsive addiction with the color and type of our footwear :))
Won't you ever learn? Stero-typing men is perectly ok, but all women are different! Seriously. No matter how difficult women make it, it's not okay to stero-type them ;)

But even keeping that discussion aside, BridalBeer could easily be your true identity, and 'Sagnik' could be a figment of your imagination :) And all your 'friends from the real world' could be in on the joke.

Or, maybe your real name is Sagbeer, you are a Punjabi, but have grown up in Calcutta. Your 'nick' could be Sag, and that's where you came up with 'Sagnik', which luckily for you is a not-so-common Bengali name. And so you split your name into two parts and came up with two virtual identities.

In fact, you could even have split personalities. One of which is colour-blind. :D

On the internet, who really knows? :)
You have your facts wrong - I've never had a dog poop on me, nibble maybe. :-p
tch.tch. sagnik dude is loosing his female fans..and Rajesh helps in that.. nice..very nice
*wicked laugh*
Hmm RJA and Sagnik,
Looks like I will have to step in as a guy who knows both parties involved on a personal (i.e. real life basis) and will vouchsafe that both RJA and Sagnik are indeed who they claim they are.

This however leads to an interesting paradox - who am I?

Oh, come on! What kind of a complete loser would run two different blogs, that too under different identities of different genders. Its difficult enough maintaining a consistent image on one blog to convince readers that you are cooler than you are in real life. Trying to be a hot woman on top of that is almost impossible. What say, Sagnik?
@syl - i liked the politician joke - it was choooo chueeet :))

@swathi - titanic was a chick flick of titanic proportions :) and as i mentioned i shed a tear for it - for having to sit through it:((

@the guy who started it all - oye rajesha .. yaar tu apna yaar sagbeer da bhul gaya ????

@ttg - :)) nice one - a dose of my own medicine :)

@divya - soon i will be left with men and babies reading this blog :((

@sourja - thank you sir for coming to our rescue - a big thank you :)

@ani - hmmmm! this friend of mine actually does that. i shall mail you his url and the url of the person he poses as too - it will be quite the read. for that matter he actually maintains three blogs - you have to see them to believe it
Am not goin to disagree with anything u said.. i do shop for things i don't buy in the end...i did shed a tear while watching titanic althought i like pets in the zoo i guess u rnt fit to be on the other side of the gender scale!! now am thinking there cud be umpteen reasons for me not being able to be a man!!
i cant walk into office right from bed..
i cant smell like rotten garbage and be oblivious to that fact..
i cant be insenstitive to things around me...and act as if thats cool!!
well looks like this is turning into a war of the sex(es)..Pun intended!! :)))
@me - ah see! that's what people should be telling me - there are several things men do that are stereotypical and someone should point that out too - like you so aptly did. and to be perfectly honest, i've been guilty of all the things you mentioned sometime or the other :)
war of sexes? identity crisis? wait till you listen to this one. this guy claims to have come across my blog, liked it, and therfore sends me a YM invite. after exchanging THREE sentences (what do you do?, where you from--usual bull****) i get this message --" you are really a guy pretending to be a girl. i know these games, i have experience."
HUH??? :O
i've come to the conclusion sagnik, that it's the fate of the nandys to have their gender identity questioned. *sigh*
The dog thing is 200% true....
Ppl use "how cueeet or so sweeet....." for both kids & dogs ;-)
@rimi - what say we stir up a "nandys fight back" movement - but the fact is that all the Nandy's put together too would hardly create what can be called a crowd :))

@(the)cipher - aha! backing at last! yahooo!
Woah! Ui-maa! Aiyayyo! Or as Woodstock says in Peanuts - !!!! !!

Things seem to have gotten way out of hand. An attempt at damage-control is in order.

@Everyone-who-was-offended -

(1) I don't believe in stereo-typing. While there might be traits that are common to a number of women, there will always be women who don't have that trait. The women who don't have the trait can range from 1% to 99% of all women. I was out shopping with a friend of mine the other day, who wanted to get some lipstick for a friend, and she couldn't tell the difference between different shades of pink either. I was addicted to Santa Barbara (the soap opera) at one time, and I have women friends who have taught me about F1-racing and American Football.

Saying all women are like this or like that, is the stuff of email-forwards and non-serious blogs! To be read and chuckled at!

The only thing I intended to do was complain that men get stereo-typed all the time too. And that somehow no one ever makes a big deal out of that.

(2) I don't really think Sagnik is trying to pretend to be a girl. Or that BridalBeer is pretending to be a guy. Or that Sagbeer is pretending to be both! I have it on authority that Sagnik is who he says he is. And I have no doubt that BridalBeer is who she says she is. But I do believe that it's possible that people try to fake identities on the internet. I know people who have been victims of this behaviour. And I do believe that half the single women on the net are really 53-year-old male truck drivers. (Okay, maybe not half. But at least 49%.)

(3) Am I the only one who thought of the whole idea as funny?


I feel like the waterboy who couldn't get off the battlefield of the war of sexes in time.

@Sourja - Thanks for clearing that up.

@G-G9 - I have no idea what kind of loser would run two different blogs. It wouldn't take only a loser, though. It could be a person who thinks it's funny. (Heck, I think it would be quite cool to be able to pull it off.) It could easily be a person doing research on the perception of blog-personalities. Or it could be something similar to The Stratemeyer Syndicate.

For that matter, I know people who write under many different names on Sulekha. And none of those names is their real name.

@Sagnik - Yes, I did start it all, didn't I? Sometimes I feel I should just keep my mouth shut...
@RJA & Sagnik : Hey, i did find it funny esp. since u guys r too far for me to box ur ears (that's another thing women sometimes do) :D
It's such fun commenting on my own blog. (And I don't slobber over babies. Give me a hot guy anyday.)
I am the quintessential female that you have described. Hence, lemme tell u a good thing to do, which my Ex used to when i dragged him shopping (usually on occasions when my girl-buddies were not available, he was sort of a last resort)- perch yourself on a wall in the car-park, and play on his mobile, he was a compulsive gamer, and i'm guessing most un-shopping men are compulsive gamers. Lemme guess, you also hate the dance floor, and wouldn't jig to hip-hop for a million bucks..........
I love your disclaimer :) and I hate your post :@ But most of it maybe true for only 80% girls of ages 18-24 ;) (dont ask me how I came up with these numbers, just pulled out of my hat).
@rajesh - to quote what a great person has already said as a comment to this post - "Rajesh, see what you got me into" :))

@kumari - that reminds of Phoebe stopping a fighting Monica and Rachel - lol!!

@bridalbeer - what will i tell you that you dont know *since you are allegedly me*

@a - why do you think i have some of the best scores in cell phone games history ???? :)

@ratna - :)) see i based most of my comments on 22-24 aged women
About the color-blindness, here's another anecdote:

My friend just got back from her honeymoon, and I said,"Hello".

"Am I looking different, Brad?"

"Hmmmm..." I know the answer is 'Yes', but I don't see the difference. She is my best friend, and 'tact' is the keyword. She's my best friend, so 'honesty' is also important, "Not really, you had a lot of sex, I know".
After about 20 minutes, we get to her younger sister's place. The door opens, and there's a scream from inside, "Oh my gawwwwwwddd, You look so different", completely knocking me off my feet. The honeymoon wasn't for a year, it wasn't even for weeks, for heaven's sake.

I didn't want to...but I mustered the courage to blurt, "What is it that you really find so different with my friend and your sister over here?" I could see virtual cage bars growing around me, with their stares. I got that answer after hearing the cliched, you-look-so-different cry from several other women, but trust me, it's not worth scribing about.
Why don't you just marry a guy? It seems like that will be the answer to all your complaints.
@brad - lol! that's a somment worth a separate blog entry - do you have a blog???

@anon - the answer is a "straight" one :)
Oh you'll learn, you seem like a smart young boy. Anyway you don't seem to like women much - why be miserable and make someone else's life miserable too? Besides sex is not supposed to be important in the traditional Indian marriage anyway!
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