Thursday, September 22, 2005

Giving some direction to my posts :) 

Ok! It's time for one more rant! In the past few days I've ranted abt things that are specific to Bengalis, Desis and once in a while even the whole male or female population. But now it's time to discuss a topic that I feel is even more widespread than my earlier rants. I think it's something that all of us do. You know what? Maybe this is the common connection between all human beings. And what might this issue be? The inability to just accept that you don't know directions to a certain place. The saga beings.

Even if you are not as directionally challenged as moi, I'm sure that you've asked someone or the other for directions at some point and I'm sure there have been several instances when these people were as clueless as you were abt your destination. But NEVER will you see people instantly telling you that they don't know. "I don't know," that's all they have to say. But that never happens.

The most popular gesture is when the asked person mentally calculates something. Sometimes the fingers join in as moving puppets to the thoughts. "Residence Road? Right? Well if that is Pine Avenue and that is (long pondering pause) Villa Costa then (now silence) ... then ... sorry, I have no idea!" What? Why couldn't you just tell me that earlier? I think somewhere down the line we feel that one has to be the most exquisite form of imbecile to be completely ignorant abt roads. Hence, we always put up a show before we accept defeat.

Sometimes things are even more fancy. The person concerned will call another friend of his. "Hey, man. Do you have any idea where the Prune Theatres are?" the hefty guy asks his friend who is eating lunch. The friend looks up and displays his expression of confusion but now it's his turn to put up a show. "Prune Theatres?" he asks again, with mayonnaise squirting out in joy. "What's showing there?" How does it matter what's showing there? I dint ask you out for a date sir. It's just directions that I ask for.

To end this post I have to mention one more issue that I face and many of you might not have faced. I stay in a place with a fairly large Hispanic population who don't speak any English. Try asking them for directions. They always listen to you quietly and occasionally even repeat random words from your query - "Freeway ... freeway ... Cadence Hall" and after all that listening, they nod their heads and tell you "No Englees". Why? Oh! Why? Oh! *and that spells yoyo*

uh, im commentatorily chalanged.... dunno what to say about this. no eenglees.
Pedesterians in India have a universal answer to all navigational queries

"Saab, Seedha Jaon"
u have actually 2 groups of ppl - 1 who seek directions and one who gives.
n sometimes both of them can b irritating, ppl never admit that they dunno
the directions and others even if we give them directions they dunno how to follow them,
both the categories get on my nerves.
But must say with the advent of the cell phones itz become relatively easier to locate the exact place.
Everytime I've asked for directions, all i got was a blank stare, and an index finger pointing towards the direction i came from.
@sayntani - on the other hand i can talk englees, walk englees ... :)

@point5 - vert true. and add to that list the always true "samnei hai"

@swathi - being phenomenally directionally challenged i have been part of both groups and it is not pretty :((

@archster - oh the blank stare is killer - that spells out that you are in for some long awaited useless response :)
Good. Atleast one guy now accepts that men do indeed ask for directions. For all that hype over "women and directions". Try asking a girl.. She'll either tell you the correct direction or point blankly say NO, I don't know.
its awfully bad..last weekend...me was like searching for a place..and after 4 ppl had given me wrong directions...and i was lost..and then some poor guy told me the right direction and i asked him "aap sure ho naa"--after all..it's tuff to understand kaun bluff maar raha hai
@bindhu - is this a guy thing? come to think of it, i have not asked too many women for directions - hmmmm! deep :)

@sush - :)) that sounds like KBC - are you sure? lock kiya jaye? :))
really? you'd prefer it if people admitted they were clueless right at the beginning? then you missed being me. because it's happened to me like, SOOO many times! i've just begun my sentence, and people've gurgled "jaani na, jaani na" and rushed off.

maybe it's just me. *sigh*
a little unrelated to the directions thingy.....but since u mentioned the hispanic crowd w/ their "no engleees".......while here in kolkata i was stuck in a hospital and surrounded by mizo nurses who listened to all my requests w/ a very serious expression ,nodding vigorously for a min or 2 saying yesh yesh yesh.....n then very brightly saying excuse me!!
n while they spoke both english n hindi they were totally unable to comprehend any instrustions given in either!!!
I have to confess I m one of the guilty parties giving out misdirections. When I was little I felt like a duh admitting I didint really know when ppl asked me directions I always used to tell them a bunch of garbage interspersed by a combination of red lights, left and right turns to make myself sound authentic :). The trick is to make sure you make sure the person is so lo lost that he never bangs into u again or u've really had it :)
@rimi - well look at it this way - you saved time and that is always a good thing right?

@anon - now that deserves a separate post on its own :)

@rohan - were you that bloody idiot who made me drive an extra 3 miles the other day???
Must have been my evil twin Sohan :), ppl dont ask me directions here in States anyways dunno why they prefer their mapquests and google maps :)
I hate when someone says go south and then north and east. Do we have a built-in GPS?
Thank you Uber Sagnik, I shall add your annoy-me[a]nt to my Long List.
for the sheer pleasure of messing with your head, sir!

and i always stop for directions when i'm confused, and give excellent ones myself. pity you didn't ask me :D
The best part of the post is the lesson on how to spell a Y O Y O
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