Thursday, November 03, 2005

How cheap is that? 

This post is inspired by this other post. Lovers of Bengali - please check out the site. It's hilarious.

So have you ever gone out with someone where it's not clear who's gonna pay for the food? A perfect example will be a date with a boring girl. You flash your chivalry card by taking her to a very good restaurant and fifteen minutes into dinner you realize that "Nope! No way are we going out on a second date." In the mean time she calls the waiter and orders one more plate of appetizer. "Good woman, stop it!" you say to yourself. But she doesn't. She orders enuff to fill half a town and then smiles and says, "I just love the chocolate cake in this place. What will you have for dessert?" That's when you say to yourself, "No way am I paying for this dinner all by myself!" But how do you make that evident?

Being quite the magnet for boring people - I've been in these stinky shoes more than once. Not just boring women dates mind you, I've gone out with male friends who assume that you'll treat them just coz you stay in the same locality as the restaurant. It is then that the following two techniques come very handy:

* Where's my credit card: Now the rule in these situations is very simple. Delay the situation for long enuff so that the other person HAS to offer to pay. "Sh!t, where did I keep my credit card," you say. She keeps quiet. "I just hope I didn't leave it in the gym." She still keeps quiet. "I don't even have enuff cash - sh!t." *note: as distasteful as repeated usage of sh!t post dinner might sound - it works well* That's when she does the whole courtesy "It's ok! I can pay" routine. Now as tempted as you might be to accept this offer - don't! Coz then you'll turn into a certified cheapskate. "No no! Just gimme a minute." That should be your line. Now search for your credit card frantically. Just don't find it. That's when she'll say, "It's ok! I can pay now - you pay me later." That's when you sigh and say, "Doesn't look like I have much of a choice. Sh!t. I just hope I find the card." So that's how she pays. A good thing to say here is, "I don't have too much cash on me but I can at least pay for my part." Since she'll anyway be reluctant to pay, a lil insistence and she'll agree to this offer. This way everyone is happy - almost!

* Rest in the rest-room: Now this trick requires a lil more practice (I've seen it fail - so be warned): The moment you realize that the waiter is bringing the bill, you excuse yourself and go for a lil toilet break. The timing is the key thing here. If you do it just when the waiter is coming then you are screwed. You have to "estimate" the waiter's arrival and leave accordingly. And the key is to leave the other person with the check long enuff for the waiter to actually come back for it. That's when they pay out of embarrassment coz otherwise it means they are literally telling you "PAY FOR ME!" Once this is done - you can come back and do the whole "I'll pay for my part routine!"

jah!! tomar second technique ta jata...etaar kaaj kora ta khub doubtful..the first one now....it has worked in the past i must say!!!

kintu ghotona holo...who is kobindronath?? ki brilliant..
oh nice nice!
i find the 2nd technique betta!
*grin grin*
the post by kobithakur is amazing..
tomar methods are also very helpful..
but how crass can the person be to say "you pay me later"??!
well when i go out it the other person/people who come with me know that there is NO way in hell that i'm paying for anything lol

(actually after 5-6 years of practice my subtle methods get others to pay for me *almost* always)
what if u come back and they are still waiting?
UI's got a point - the last blogmeet was a field day for him.

But the first methods the only one that works. The second one has never been tried by yours truly, and never will.
Damn u man u realize the magnitude of wat u have done, imagine the fate of all those guys who will ever go out with all the female followers of this blog (guess they will just have to pull the tried and tested 'I'll be back in a jiffy' and dissaperaring forever routine now
@ron - na na, as i said - the second one needs some practice but when done right is more subtle than the first one :)

@ze-exag - thanks :)

@teleute - why be laffing?

@jaded - i agree - Kobi T is awesome. and trust me you - i have gone out with some pretty crass people :))

@m - thank you :)

@ui - dude, your methods have become legendary now!

@prerona - then fall back to method 1 :))

@shobhik - you can also not use the restroom and just do the needfu there next to the table itself - i am sure that will work too :)

@rohan - but can you imagine if i ever go out with anybody reading this blog? :)
i have a pretty shrewd idea who kobindronath is, but since usually my shrewd guesses turn out to be bloody dumb, i'm holding my tongue here.

but tumi bhishon impolite toh! *bares teeth* mail er uttor dao na keno boss? i had asked amar kon post theke "commenting on commenting" er thread peyechhile. let me know! dying of curiosity here! jaataa! besh hoyechhe you went out with boring people who order huge meals! : P
Ah stop thinking of urself now man, u've blown the cover for all of us (I am guilty too of giving away the last ditch tried and tested routine too btw)
Interesting! Have you ever been in a reverse situation where you are with this girl you really like and want to pay for the dinner but she doesnt let you ? :)
@rimi - eeee maaa! when did you mail me and where did you mail me. oh i apologize - no wonder i got the boring women. help me redeem myself - drop me a line in sagniknandy@gmail.com to tell me who you think KT is - i have a theiry too - we shall exchange info :)

@rohan - sorry : followed by two closing brackets

@rs - nope - never had that - never been out with too many hot women for starters :))
hmm when both people lose their credit card and rush off to the loo, then you might meet up at the hotel kitchen washing dishes under the vigilant watch of the manager...
umm..i try this thing when im not sure if he's sposed to pay or we r sposed to go dutch, especially if im bored and not enjoying myself too much...when the bill arrives i wait for him to take a look at it...then take out my wallet n as "ok so much do i give?" and more often than not the guy in question says "no no. its my treat, i insist.." etc...i protest a couple of times, and then put my wallet away with a great show of reluctance and i ALWAYS say "ok fine..since ur insisting so much...but the next time we go out its DEFINITELY my treat ". and the next time (if any) : repeat process ;-)
There is much to be said about male Indian engineers and their lack of social etiquette regarding adult interactions - sorry sagnik, but I could really write a thesis on the level of cheapness most Indian male engineers can stoop to. On first time dates, one normally splits the bill or while going out with friends. Why such a simple rule does not sink into minds I can't understand. I have known legendary moochers and spongers and ALL of them have been engineers. Anyhow...
ki ar bolobo... u shud know how to do the not paying thing from my frend kos.... she just does not.. she'll be like..." ei, ami na aj pay kote parchi na, khup chap pore jacche, bujhli? mane pore ekdin khaie debo, nahoy... pls pay kore de ajke..." or" sorry ami toder shathe jete parbo na.... amar taka nei, pay korte parbo na.... tai giye labh nei" and she'l say it in such a way that u offer to pay for her.....man, listn and learn.
Hehehe... this is a riot!

And I agree, boring dates (guys or gals) deserve to have to pay for their own meal. It should become a universal rule.
@aparna - brilliantly put :) i guess thats what you get when you dont want to "dish out" any cash :)

@ron - ahaa! very very nice :)now it will be amazing if some guy who has read my blog goes out with a girl who knows your idea - the combo will be amazing :D

@plumperickel - yup! desi engineers (and i am part of that group too) are pretty low on the social food chain :(( btw, i always thought that in the first date the guy should treat and if the girl accepts the offer it means that she is willing to go out a second time - isn't that the rule??

@sayantani - now that is a first but i can see why it will work :))

@casablanca - thanks for backing me on that - wanna go out for a treat now :))
ahh well
it doesn't really matter who you are with.
a treat is a treat :)
a freeload is an even better treat :D
oh and btw ur post inspired me :)
Just see the bill..divide the bill by 2 and say X amount please. What do you care? The girl is boring anyways and you would not want to take her out again. Now the problem is what if the girl is not...what if you *do* want to take her out again but still dont want to foot her bill?
LOL - have you actually gotten these schemes to work?? somehow - no matter how boring the girl, i always end up paying. dumb chivalrous instincts come out at the last instance. grrr.

damn nice blog you got here btb (here's hoping that you don't bracket guys commenting on blogs by male writers...) :D
@ui - thats true - free food and free goodies are always welcome - even hen they give me free salad - i gulp it down

@arnab - oh! sometime these people know friends who speak and speak and speak - so you at least want to make things look a lil more subtle. aaaah! you'll never know you lucky married man :)

@melchizedek ah man! if only people like you and i would wpend the money we wasted because of out toungue tied behavior on say like real estate :(( chaah!
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