Monday, December 19, 2005

Arghhh Lee! 

We all have some talents ingrained in us. Agree or not, but we all have a film critic in us. Earlier that critic was limited to terming movies as just "good" or "bad" BUT these days we are far more equipped. In the recent past I've heard analytical remarks like "Parineeta was very well shot. The script was beautifully written ...", "Neal n' Nikki is catering to urban sensibilities" etc. The movie critics in us have surely gained more experience. Ditto for the cricket coach in us. Every Indian male (and the occasional female) now has an opinion about how the Indian cricket team should function. Similarly we all have a view on World Peace and how it can be achieved.

However, this post is not abt any of the natural talents mentioned above but an altogether different one that I've been reminiscing abt since yesterday - that of "creating ugly celebrities". What? How could I say that? Hear me out. I'm not saying that we are "ugliterians" but the example I'll cite next will explain my stance.

Have you ever seen random magazines lying around? Just put a pen next to it and you'll get a proof of my conjecture. Barber shops, house of friends, libraries - any place that has magazines lying around carelessly will scream witness to my claim. All of us at some point in our life have done it. Aishwarya Rai, Ajay Devgan, Rani Mukherjee or even the mighty Big B - they have all fallen prey to our pens and imagination. And in all these photos you'll see our love for making celebrities ugly take center stage. You'll see the beauteous Ash smiling, but you'll ALSO see an unevenly placed moustache above those Kajra Lips. Occasionally you'll spot a matching goatee. And don't even get me started on our fascination for the "missing tooth". I once saw a depiction of a toothless Rani Mukherjee and that was the last time the Bengali damsel knocked in my dream sequences. And the men aren't let out easy either. I've seen innumerable scary artwork performed on a popular shirtless hero. From giving him an added layer of chest hair, to giving him organs best suited on women - I've seen the mighty Man in many unthinkable forms. I have seen Anil Kapoor in a skirt and choli with humongous earrings and I have seen Jeetendra's white attire scribbled black. The list goes on. And it's not just celebrities. I've had girl friends and sisters who've tried testing my feminine charm by putting Microsoft Paint to commendable use. I've seen myself with lipstick and long hair and it took me a disturbed three years and Tulip Joshi to recover from that trauma :) Similarly, I've tried checking out women I fancy with various forms of facial hair too. And even though a few of them later adopted those styles and looked better *ducks*, a majority of them looked better otherwise.

But have you ever seen any truly praiseworthy artwork in any of these magazines? Have you ever seen a good hairdo applied to anyone? A good moustache on Sanjay Dutt? A nice pair of Sunglasses? Nope! Never! And I refuse to believe that nobody with artistic ability is never near these magazines. Then why? As I mentioned, I think somewhere deep down in each one of us there is a lover of ugliness and this post is my salute to that side in us!

P.S. While on the issue of ugliness, a quote I made a few years back comes to mind and this might be a good place to place it. A female friend of mine was raving abt this guy who I didn't imagine to be good looking from any perspective. "He is unconventionally good looking," she shouted. "Sure," I agreed. "But he is also conventionally ugly."

u know the display is not working? or maybe just a blogger glitch. but i had to come here 3 times before i could read it. just fyi :) nice post!
Lol! This reminds me of Captain Haddock drawing a moustache and a goatee on Bianca Castafiore's poster in some tintin adventure. Totally random association.
Amazing post! I was laughing so hard that even my office colleagues came and joined me in reading it. You have a set of new fans in Hollywood.
@prerona - i did face it a few times but assumed that it was a blogger thing coz i faced it in some other sites as well :(

@plumpernickel - aha! haddock the great - so many fond childhood memories :)

@anon - :D now ask those Hollywood honchos to send some cash please :)
So do we next expect a pic of you with lipstick and long hair? ;)
I was about to say that people who do such things are plain jealous of the subject, but then again, I think your girlfriends and sisters were doing a good deed, so its hard to judge :D
sharp observation! i liked this post a lot
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