Tuesday, December 20, 2005

The Games People Play 

My sister has been fighting with her boyfriend. "Why?" I ask her. "Oh, no reason. It's no fault of his. But you should just scream at the man every now and then. It keeps them on their toes, you get some added respect and the apologies are always fun. What???? This is my lil sis talking ladies and gentleman and aghast is the word that comes to my mind.

I've always been a mere witness to the games between the two sexes and have been terrible at playing them myself. At best you can call me a good observer. Sometimes I've been an unwilling referee when two dating friends came up with "Ok! You tell us whose fault it is?" But when it comes to playing these games myself, I've always been at a loss of moves. And I don't think it's just me - I think that men in general are at a slight disadvantage when it comes to relationship games. I've seen some of my male friends play the marriage card successfully where the man emotionally blackmails the "by-then aged girlfriend" with the line "Give me few more years and I'll surely marry you." But that's all that I've seen the mustached sex do.

So I decided to list some of the classic moves women use (or at least I've seen them use) that completely unnerves men; makes them jittery; makes them rush for the closest bar or bathroom; makes them realize that the battle of the sexes is hardly a battle but more like an action movie climax - where you know who'll win but still watch it, just in search of possible novelty.

1. You have changed. Yes! A classic line that completely shocks men and women use it with such dexterity. Men have no idea what this means. Every now and then you see your lady love all serious and grumpy and on questioning her all you get is "You have changed." But that's it. There's never an accompanying explanation to how you've changed. So you are left with the dual task of figuring out how you've changed and how to redeem yourself and till you do that, the woman rules.

2. I'm having girl problems. Now please don't think that I'm an unsympathetic wretch. I know women and men are different (thank you high school for explaining things to me). All I'm saying is that men get very jittery when women use this line. Coz men have no idea what women go through at these times and they also have no idea how they'll react. So we get completely freaked out. One of my exes used this line more often than I thought she should and EVERY time it gave me the shivers. Coz I knew she could get away with murder then (and trust me she did try it a few times). All I'm saying is that maybe even men should be given a day or two every year (JUST a day or two) when we can do stuff, and if questioned, bluntly reply "Man problems bonami, man problems!"

3. Nobody has ever treated me this way (said best when you add a "not my mother, not my brother, not my ex ..." at the end). Another classic. Every man who has been in a relationship long enough hears these words at some point. And to be very honest it means nothing. For all you know it might be a good thing. Something like "You treat me so well, nobody has ever treated me this way." But NO. It never is. It always means something scary and men know that and the moment they hear it they know that it's apology time.

4. You don't love me any more. They should just ban this line. Or have something similar that men can use. For three years you could be cleaning her doormat. Forget doing it for one day and she'll tell you "You don't love me any more". If it's your bad day she'll even add No. 1 i.e. "You have changed." Aaaaaah!

5. You should learn something from XYZ (and XYZ is normally a close friend whom you dislike). That's it. This one freaks men out completely. Coz not only do you feel inadequate, you also feel threatened by XYZ. And women just love that.

Quite a few more techniques come to mind but this post is already too long and the women readers stopped reading quite a while back. I agree, I have changed a lot :)

eki! ami porlam toh! and you haven't changed at all, sagnik :D
Clean doormats?! That really had me cracking :D
I swear! If guys give similar such reasons, they are shown the door to therapy! What will happen?!
Haha, your post had me rolling on the floor laffing.....have come across this all the time from different women....

and the one i HATE the most is the MYSTERIOUS line....you have changed....changed?? how?? where?? what?? when?? tell me....but they never would...
Are you really pursuing PHD in Com Sc.? I think you are more into the men-women relationship thesis:-)
If you compile this thesis, trust me it will hit the bestseller position sooner than later;-)

Enjoyed it as always:-)

And it's true..so true! I'm sure my hubby will vouch for the same:-)LOL:-)
no i read the post, so that brings the women reading this entire post upto... what? and uv changed too .:) u hav now turned into a relationship advise columnist blogger. tho its amazing, \cant u call ur dad and get some inspiration? btw,im a big fan aof ur dad.
Ah! What insights into the intricacies of a man woman relationship!! Though I can honestly say I have never tried the "girl problem" one before, the rest are all tried and tested and very effective. And your sister is a very smart woman I must say...its always good to scream at the man once in a while..stops him from taking you for granted ;)
Or try marriage, where none of the above works. Though, I will admit to having tried only three of the five you have listed. But few years into the marriage and hes figured it out. Damn.
Don't forget these lines.

1. You are keeping secrets from me. What secrets? See there you go!
2. *sniff* *sniff*

I agree with the poster above, write a book!
Hilarious and ringing oh-so-true!
#1 and #4 are the true Brahmastras though. Absolutely no convincing counter for those. :-(
Okay and what about the times when the guy blames every little thing on pms? You say anything or do anything that the guy does not like and he says "you're having pms" and I'm going you couldn't be more wrong. I'm just waiting for the time when he is going to start saying "you're going through menopause"! So there....
its crazy! these games drive me mad - wish things could be simpler! for example, why cudnt we walk up to xyz and say hello - i really really like you. what do you think? ... but we cant. hence games ;)
@teleute - trust me tely - nbody has treated me like this before :D

@casablanca - oh you should have seen how that doormat got dirty :)

@sanity - and when the return home the door to houe will be locked too :((

@dhr - thanks :) its good to know that other have faced this ordeal too :)

@minal - oh cs PhD is over - now i can concenrate on the man woman thing :D

@sayantani - thanks for reading and thanks for the nice words :)

@ron - aaaaaah! so you are part of THAT group - aaaaaah!

@ph - oh i hear from my dad that marriage introduces all new techniques - like the one where she refuses to cook - or as my ss says "the one where she cant cook" :)

@mezba - brilliant. and they add "you made me cry" to te second one and that does it for the man - he is messed up then :)

@ambar - please lemme know if youever mange to combat the combo :D

@m - wow! your hubby i a smart man. maybe i should contact him for relationship advice :)

@prerona - eki? what kind of advice is that? dint i say we don't like XYZ - so why put us under any more pressure :D
You forgot the ultimate one - total silence!!!
I thought I left a comment already, looks like it got lost.

Good job, I have taken the liberty to add to the list of common phrases used by women over at
Well Sagnik, all we can do is try. The list will keep growing.

Thanks for the comment.
She: You are'nt listing to me
Me: Of course I am, and repeat verbatim everything she said
She: Well, you might have heard me but you haven't listened to me.
@vc - oh i always thought that was more of an after marriage trick :(

@desi-nole - oh you left the comment in the haloscan comments (nd don't ask me why I have two sets of commenst) :)

@red - wow! i am speechless :)
couldn't agree more. each and every moves have been experienced....
Great list buddy. Hope you are not sleeping on the couch.
Haha, u understand the games rather well! U forgot to add the crying bit! The precious tears...the ultimate weapon! This one always lets us females have the last word! ;)
@anthony - for me each of them have been experienced multiple times dude :(

@reincarnation - the couch will be an upgrade for me man :)

@iksha (very nice name)- oh and then they add "nobody has ever made me cry ..." :D
You inspired me to write my own list. Check it out http://rapmaharajah.blogspot.com/
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