Sunday, December 11, 2005

The Indian Man's Sob Story 

Face it - the Indian guy has it tough in the dating market. I was talking with a girl abt the perils of the Indian man in the dating game and she agreed. I told her that the English have their accent and the French have their knowledge of art, food and wine. The African American community is believed to be well endowed, while the Aussies get drunk famously. The Americans have money and the Chinese are better gadgeted than anybody else. The girl pointed out that Latin men are supposed to be great lovers. "Ah, sure! That too," I sighed. What do we Indian man have? Zilch! What's our strength? Zilch. What is it that makes us desirable to women all over the World? Zilch again.

Yup! Face it. We Indian men are at a disadvantage when it comes to wooing women. Our accents are - well - ahem - well - ahem. We aren't the tall, mane flowing breed either. Now there was a time when it was rumored that we men knew the Kamasutra inside out but it dint take them long to figure out that all that most Indian men knew abt sex is actually just - Inside and out. So what do we do? If you still don't believe me - let's be objective abt this. Let's take the three biggest strengths Indians have in the eyes of outsiders and judge ourselves - (i) we provide cheap outsourced labor (ii) we are good with spellings (yes, we Bharatiyas put the B in Spelling B) and (iii) we are good with math. Now, just imagine the following three pick up lines and judge for yourself.

Indian Dude One - Excoose me beautifool. I couldn't help but notice the wonderful dress that you are wearing. From the fine craftsmanship and peeping label, I would say it's a Gucci. My guess is that you have spent a good $400 on it. What say you date me and I contact my cousin Raj in New Delhi, who works for an Indian design house that actually deals with outsourced fashion products and I can get you a similar dress for just $50. What say baby? Sounds like a deal?

Indian Doodh Two - Hi Huneee Bunny. What's your name?
Hot girl - The name's Linda. Linda McMillan.
Indian Doodh - Aahaa! Is that McMillan with an MC or an MAC. It is rumored that names beginning with Mc are actually Irish while the Scots like to spell it with Mac. Which one are you? Actually don't tell me. Give me your name in a sentence and I will tell you where you are from.

Indian Dude Three - Hi baby. Why don't I take you to the side and show you a trick that I can do with my fingers.
Hot girl senses a night of passion and goes to the side.
Indian Guy - Now give me any number between One and Five Hundred and I can find its square root using just the lines on the fingers of my right hand. Tell you what - make it between One and Four hundred and I won't even use my thumb. What say?

What will the Indian man do?

Sagnik Da,

Long time since I have been to your blog... but is it a matter of coincidence that both of us have written about exactly the same thing this morn??? he he...

check out this post...
... ah, tout the fourth biggest strength... India, the Land of Spiritual Powers... and score, of course! :D
You forgot one more, it's no disgrace for an Indian dude to be living with his parents....which means he can be 26...and still have a curfew.....so says TTG The Curfew Boy, who recently blew his chances with an attractive lady due to this... :-(
well, you throw light, today, on a very serious and severe. thanks for your profound post has, to an extent, open my, an indian man's sobby eyes and has forced me to think what shall be the end of this...

are we headin towards doom when we're speakin the dating world.

im out of words.

Hilarious !!

Now, If i stop this comment right here, you will put me in the first category of the ppl who comment on your blog.. the occassional visitors with some gen comments.. but I do read your blog faithfully n I love it ! Now what about this kinda comments? Where do you put me??
never thought my personal "deficiencies" could be generalised so beautifully...I feel so much better now:)
Sagnikda (or is it di ;)

you forgot one major advantage that we have.
WE, and WE ALONE , have the power of THE Kamasutra

imagine zis:-

Indian d00dh who has memorized all the positions of Kamasutra starts chatting with chick --

ID -- umm, hia , uhh doa youa wanta to trya somea posichan witha mea??

Chick -- *this guy looks like a dumass so maybe i can get some cash off him*
Chick -- umm...ok.

ID -- oka pholo mea

Chick follows ID to dark alley.

ID -- oka you wanta doa ita thisa waya or thata waya??

Chick -- wTf ???

ID -- listena toa mea we shall trya posichan described ina Kamasutra pagea phor-phiphtee-ninea

Chick -- Kawa whaa tha??

ID -- oka nowa all of you hapha to doa iz bend over backward...like zis like zis.......and then twist your arm....like zis......then just rotate your other atma 90 degreea followed by moving your feet a little to the lefta and jigglinga

Chick -- *kicks exposed nether region*

ID -- *drops wallet*

Chick -- *picks up wallet kicks again and leaves*

ID -- uhh ghurgh comea backa....humko aur posichan pata hai.....come backaa....

^imagine music/sound of choice here :P^
Pssst! Watch f.r.i.e.n.d.s all over again and rehearse on Chandler's pick-up lines! :)
while you're quite, quite right (hell, indian men don't get dates in india) , there is that *certain* section of the urban indian man who are deliciously brown, just SOOO suave, know their cocktails, speak with the perfect absence of accent and actually, really have a sense of humour that is not exclusively raunchy.

and are usually such pricks nonetheless.

but have you ever wondered about the trauma of the indian bengali woman who is not:
1. dusky
2. curvy
3. hot
4. dating hot moviestar???
bbhery bhery simple...you see Indian man after failing in matters such as those shall revert back to his roots. He shall go to Mommy dearest and sob. Mommy shall then call upon nearest and dearest friends and outsource the job of finding sonny a wifey. In due course of time the family priest shall be summoned to match the horscopes and then if he is lucky he shall participate in the great Indian wedding circus. And after the wedding, the bedding shall naturally follow.
Now tell me,who needs dating-vating?...pooh pooh!
Oh come on now.....you must give the Indian hunk a little bit more credit than that :))))
didn't you get the memo about not discussing this in public?

:D good one

Add to the list - pot belly and moustache!

Not to mention a penchant for ALL things indian and how exactly an ideal 'bharatiya nari' should be like.

Okay, to be fair many Indian guys, my generation and the younger lot, are well-groomed, not insecure and also have a good sense of humour! Yeah miracles do happen! :P
C'mon Shaggy, its not that bad......Infact, the other day we decided that the Indian man is perhaps best possible package deal for any girl........Hes a blend of all the qualities that u mentioned in people from different countries, besides being a very good conversationalist with a good sense of humor.
But obviously its a different ball game, when u r considering a Desi grad student. But tis not impossible....
Besides, lot of people assume that all Indian men have girlfriends/wives back in India or they only prefer dating people from their community and religion. So...u see.... its all these false assumptions that are holding him back.....
IMO, Indian man is a very good back up guy (if not THE guy) for all the broken hearts, play-safe-girls out there.

>>What do we Indian man have? Zilch!

Ofcourse Zilch! We are the founding fathers(read: males) of "zero" for nothing!
Hopefully none o the above if he really wants to score with the chicks :)
@junior - may the best man win :) and may you be the best man dude :)

@sanity - yup! counter++ :D

@ttg - come on, parents have so many advs - they can pay for your date, they can cook for your date and if the date fails - then they can lend you shoulders to cry on too :)

@ze-exag - wow! what feelings - i am touched my friend :D

@ojas - oh no no :) the commenting rules are only for ppular female blogs - we poor men dont fall a part of it :) thanks.

@vin - its ot jut you sir - its all of us :)

@ui - sorry to be saying this - but aren't you a lil too young to be talking abt Kamasutra :D * i just love this *

@aj - wish i had a mnica to try that on :)

@rimi - now the Indian women have their dusky tan and husky voice and even if they dont have that - they can cook like nobody else :D

@anyesha - and now you have made me miss Mommy - for all the wrong reasons :))

@m - indian hunk????? hunk???? :D

@manfrom ... - ooops! i just got the memo - sorry a lil too late :(

@aparna - the pot belly and moustache are a turn on for some from what i gather :)

@anon - really? well, well. then it aint too bad for us after all :)

@gvenum - and that is how ister zero ban gaya hero :)

@rohan - :) well said man, well said :)
who touched you ;)

indian guys give the rest of the world the singing, dancing bad-ass kicking bollywood movies!

that's an advantage over every1 else u noe! =P
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