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Thursday, March 31, 2005

Lines via the phone line 

Ok! Before I forget (in which case I'll have to apologize to my posts again) - these three lines cropped up in the past 20 mins courtesy 2 phone conversations and moi shall mention them:

* Praising someone's voice is a sound act.
* My advice to you my friend would be to add vice to ur daily routine.
* You know what they should have in India? Traditional dominatrix ladies - ones who wear leather sarees. They can use the "pallu" for whipping. That's a whooppie!

Quick Question 

If slow and steady wins the race then how come people often pull a fast one?

To those who went unmentioned 

A lot of times when I'm talking to someone or when I'm traveling, I get these funny thoughts that I feel are blog-mention-worthy. Later when I sit down in the morning to put something on my blog I often wonder what those ideas were. At times all I remember is that some of them were very funny (to me) and amusing (to me again) but then the volatility of my memory prevents me from inflicting them (on you). Sometimes they come back at a later stage and express their grudge at not getting their deserving web space and I assure them that I'll pay them their dues. However, like all men I falter - my words alter - thoughts saunter.

So this post is dedicated to all those blog posts that I wanted to make but forgot. Interestingly enough, the idea for this post struck me yesterday afternoon and I remembered it till now - see, I'm indeed learning from my mistakes.

"Ghari ghari drama karta hai sala," a thought whispers in my head. I know it's a line taken from the Big B classic Sholay. However, I don't protest!

Night time definition 

* Slut - an unpaid hooker!
* Gigolo - a screwed up man!

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

My sis's role Model 

Had this delightful conversation with my sis Pummy. I've ranted aplenty abt Pummy's new "friends". Apparently, on any given day they are better than any artificially laugh inserted Indian sitcom :) The latest story comes from one of Pummy's class mates who is apparently a model and also an Oriya film actress. However, the girl, it seems, doesn't speak English too well and recently told my sis that, "I'm going for a 'go out' with some guy". If Pummy is to be believed the girl also refers to herself as "Saxy". However, the best thing is that the girl claims to be seeing someone from "the industry". On being questioned if they were serious, she said (and this is my favorite part) that "We are going out only 79%". How in the World did someone come up with such an exact figure? Both Pummy and I are still trying to figure that out! Help!

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

NoVice 

My views on the vices:

* Gambling is like my plans of marrying Jennifer Anniston. I know there is only a slim chance of it happenin but then my chances are just as good as all the other suckers.

* Alcohol is like a striptease - you pay for it and you almost feel that the experience is real, but no amount of it is enough to change the reality.

* Cigarettes are like watching a magic show - you pay to see something disappear in thin air.

* Sex is like ballroom dancing - you can do some form of it alone but it is so much more fun when you have a partner to do it with.

The Grad Student Dilemma 

I had a difficult choice to make yesterday afternoon. What many would say was a tricky situation. Slippery business. Blah and blah!

So here was the problem - I had registered for a class which I "didn't have to" take but had anyway signed up for fun. Sadly, the class was scheduled from 6-9 in the evening and something told me that I would not be able to manage it too well at those times. So I could either keep it or drop it (duh). Then I thought of attending the first lecture and making up my mind. Then the problem struck me. If the first lecture was bad then my choice would become extremely simple. However, if the lecture was good and the 6-9 timings took its toll on me then I'll feel twice as bad dropping the class later. So I could either attend the class and feel good abt having no regrets to drop it OR attend the class and later feel terrible abt dropping it. The grad student mind was flustered.

Shall not disclose what I finally did but people who know me well enuff wouldn't have any problems guessing :)

Stray Thoughts 

* Often I'm at a junction where I have to choose between two roads - both not taken, AND both extremely boring. That's when I decide to go for a movie.

* Obnoxious company is the key to finding bliss in solitude. If you don't believe me - contact me and try out.

* A narcissist never uses the line, "It's not you. It's me."

* Have you ever wondered what would have happened if your computer stopped giving you the 'boot'?

* People are extremely derogatory towards a smart ass but what if you actually meet a smart ass - one that brays and yet solves perplexing problems? I think you'll probably be quite pleased.

* Just because I don't have anything to say doesn't mean I wont pretend.

Monday, March 28, 2005

The Love Sign ... 

While on the topic of new love, here are some ways you can spot it.

1. Someone who has never treated you or anyone (and often skips a meal himself) suddenly says, "I feel like treating you guys."

2. You see them on the cell phone for 25 hrs/day but you can never hear them (even though they might be a hand's distance away).

3. Mention anything and they think you are talking abt their affair. "Hey, that noodle was awesome," you say. "How did you know that R makes amazing noodles?" they reply.

4. They smile and you see teeth that you never knew existed in human beings (it's my guess that these are the teeth they later use for love bites).

5. You hear extensive use of the phrase, "You all go ahead. I have some IMPORTANT work!"

New Love 

My apartment mate D is in love (again). During a drive this afternoon he told me, "I see flowers that I dint see before and smell things I never knew existed." I reassured him that the flowers went unnoticed because we had never taken that route before and the new smells were simply there because S's stomach doesn't react very well to Indian food.

Something tells me my popularity in the house is going down! Hmmm!

Sunday, March 27, 2005

Why do I have to give a title to everything? 

This is the summary of a philosophical (I take this term very loosely) discussion that I had first with Dipu and then with Modi.

So who are we? Twenty something plus "youngsters" (please let me touch the lines of being presumptuous). Almost 99% of all my peers pretty much do the same thing(s) - some of us study, some of us work, some of us study and work simultaneously, some companies pay a little more, some companies make you work a little more, some companies hire, some companies fire ... we don't stand out. There's no glamour. There's no clear case of braggadocio. No one peer of mine has done anything that makes him a clear champion. So in such a case it becomes extremely difficult to boast and brag.

"You know X bought a BMW?"
"No, no. He leased it. Even I can do it if I want - it's just that I want to save some money ..."

"You know Y got a job in Company Z."
"Yeah. But then I chose to work in this small company. I get to learn sooo much more and we get free pizzas for lunch. Plus his company fired 1/5th of its employees last month."

"Z have N billion publications."
"Yeah! Sure. But no one cares for them in the industry."

However, the attempts are always there. We all try to stand out and prove a false sense of achievement. New jobs, internships, professor's resume, publications, foreign postings, admissions - we mention them aplenty. Sometimes we evoke temporal awe, sometimes we don't, but the desire and attempt to prove to people around us that we have "arrived" remains.

So we discussed whether we'll do the same thing ten years down the line and figured that by then we would have realized that whatever we do hardly affects anyone. So we'll take the competition to the next level - our children.

"X's son just placed third in the Zonal Spelling Bee."
"Ya! But you should see how much X makes his son study. I have told my daughter - do whatever you want."

"My daughter just got admission in University Z with a fellowship."

"My son can do High School Mathematics in KG."

"My daughter can sing in five languages."

Whatever we are doing now will fade to be important in ten years. My mom barely mentions what my dad does/did at work. Neither does our neighbor. To them it's far more important now to see which of their daughters get a better groom. Having figured this, Modi and I thought that it'll be best then to get a head start. If we become the earliest in our batch to have kids then we can blame all our present failures by saying, "See, once you have a kid you realize that there's sooo much more than a petty salary hike". And finally, when the competition would indeed reach the kid-zone ten years from now, all our peers would think, "boy, we are worrying abt getting our kid's to Kindergarten and look at Modi. His son is already in fifth standard. He took such a good decision by starting early."

So the key to produce awe is to produce now. Peace!

From Cabbies with Love 

Apologies for the slightly sporadic blogging. Moi was traveling over the weekend and finally saw something that I had heard abt a zillion times - an Indian taxi driver. Till date I've always got non-Indian taxi drivers, even though a huge fraction of the Western World associates Indians with taxi drivers and Motel owners (and I believe that there is a fair amount of truth in this supposition). Yanyay, sans, digression - I quite enjoyed the fact that I dint ever get in touch with Indian cabbies. For starters, I generally don't like to talk when I'm in the car and with cabbies from India, a conversation is inevitable. For that matter, two of my cab rides this trip were courtesy Indian cabbies and these were a common set of questions both of them asked.

Are you from India?
Which part of India are you from?
How many brothers and sisters do you have?
Do you plan to settle here?
Is Computer Science still big?
This one was a new one - Are you planning to go back to Bangalore?

One of them asked me - What does your Mummy Papa do?
Who pays for your education here?

I also had a very different conversation with two of them but that deserves a separate post.

Saturday, March 26, 2005

It's the weekend and ... 

... I feel weakened.

Friday, March 25, 2005

From Geekland with love 

Yup! This conversation proves that I have geekiness in me too :)

Girl: I wanted to tell you something but then I forgot.
Me: Think think! I am sure you will remember it
Girl: Nope, I have a very bad short term memory. However, I remember old things very well.
Me: That means you are just like a computer. You have a very limited amount of L1 cache to hold temporal information but you do have a larger and more stable secondary storage.
Girl: Yes, I can hear the Geek speak.

Tweak tweak.
Geek.
Speak.

Observation (?) 

People who chew their nails when the are nervous are just preparing themselves for a nail biting finish.

Thursday, March 24, 2005

The Hubbas and the Bangs :) 

A most brilliant person is the basic inspiration for this post - so thank you! :)

I live in a society where using some words in public raises eyebrows, questions and sometimes even the whipping stick! So, to avoid the confusion, we come up with words that can be easily allowed in public discourse without putting a big blemish on our characters. Point in case is a friend of mine who normally avoids the word 'sex' and chooses the term "hubba hubba" instead. Amazingly brilliant! "The couple then went to the side of the room and did a little hubba hubba ..." sounds so bloody funny. I even mentioned to her that if you ever ask a girl "Baby wanna bang bang?" - that's probably the last time you'll ever see her (bang on target). However, give her a smile and say, "Hey honey wanna hubba hubba" and you've probably taken her to an all new level of innocent romanticism.

For example, in our apartment, we refer to sex as "tukur tukur" (and the occasional "ting tong"). Well, it's definitely not "hubba hubba" material but still works well. Similarly, we often call a kiss a "muchuk muchuk" and that does the job too. When I was growing up, Mummum taught us to use different, unique and sugar-creme coated words for every possible thing that could have sounded remotely gross. As a result, my sis and moi will often say words that can mean anything from cake to crap and no one but us knows what "shit"we were discussing :)

Aks no more :) 

I was talking abt pronunciation idiosyncrasies of people from different parts of India. For example, several people from down South call the letter H - 'Haich'. Bengalis (that's what I am) have their own quirks. We often add an extra H to things (e.g. hushband, shtop). Another common mistake that I've heard is people reversing the 's' and the 'k' in words. This too is largely prevalent in East of India (e.g. aks, deks etc.).

In my undergrad days we had a teacher who had the above mentioned problem. Incidentally, he also taught us abt storage systems. So the Gigabytes of hard disk became hard diks (please imagine whatever you want to). I'm not making this up but one of our classes actually sounded like this:

"We can either deal with big hard diks or small hard diks. Often if the hard diks is very big it becomes very difficult to manage and we break it down into many smaller hard diks but then we have other issues with diks if they are very small. So ..."

Need I say any more :)

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Overheard someone say this ... 

"Even if they gave me this car for free I will not buy it!" :)

Kiss N Tell 

So my apartment mate, D, smiled after returning back from his Spring Break vacation. The hush hush phone calls followed and then the gush gush smiles followed. "So did you meet someone?" I asked. "Heh heh," he replied. For the romantically disinclined, "heh heh" means "Oh! Yes" in Romanticia. Details were asked for and we soon reached the question - "Did you two kiss????" (the frat boy effect).

D smiled again and said "NO COMMENTS!".

Now let's analyze this - the answer to my question could either be "Yes" or "No" - coz from the little I know - "THERE IS NO PARTIAL KISS." On reminding him this, an interesting conversation followed and moi shall present it to the jury.

D: How do you know I kissed?
Me: Coz you said "No comments".
D: Then why dint I say "yes"?
Me: Coz then I would have considered you to be a braggart and it would have also sounded cheap.
D: What if I hadn't kissed?
Me: Then you would have said "Yes" - to salvage your pride and macho-ness. This is a question where a man will never say "No". A "yes" will actually mean "no" and the non-committal "No comment" means "Yes". Get it!

I rest my case.

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Profundity 

It's been raining in San Diego and I was stuck in the Student Center of the university. So I started thinking ... and I thought ... thought that

  • Isn't it more appropriate for the men's toilet to be called the ballroom.

  • Continuing with toilet - Why do people like toilet humor? Coz it gross on them.

  • Being stupid is fine if you are stupid enough to not realize its pitfalls.

  • An obsessive fan is not cool!

  • Yay comedy of errors 

    OK! This story doesn't involve me. I heard it from someone and since the person concerned doesn't blog I shall post it on my blog. A sweet story like this deserves web space :)

    So my friend's room mate's mom (close relation as you can see) was visiting her daughter and she got confused between the words "torrential" (flowing abundantly) and "tarantula" (large hairy spider). So while describing her trip from point A to point B she said, "Oh! It was a difficult journey. We almost had the tarantula following our car for the entire trip." :) Just imagine that - furry spider chasing your car in full speed, for miles - oops! That actually sounds like Spiderman - sans the fur :)

    Mixing business with business 

    While talking to Uma, who is a psychologist, I had this brilliant idea of adding a associated career to people so that they can benefit most from them. For example, Uma is a psychologist. A lot of people visit her after a broken heart and crib abt the betrayal, deceit and apathy they've faced. Imagine if Uma, along with being a psychologist, was also a dating counselor. How cool will that be? "Madam, my girl friend left me. I think I am a dog. Bow wow!" the disgruntled man shouts. What does Uma do? She calmly tells him, "Well! I have news for you Mr. Dober Man. I know this girl, who has romantic feelings for her pet dog. She is single. What say, I set you two up?" Brilliant, aint it so? Similarly,

    What if car mechanics also sold auto insurance?

    What if a burger joint owner owned a neighborhood gym?

    What if Britney Spears sold Aspirin?

    What is Mike Tyson sold hearing aids?

    What if ... what if ...

    Monday, March 21, 2005

    From the land of the curry 

    I was talking to a friend last night abt the importance of the Kamasutra to the Indian man. Any Indian man who has ever dreamt of dating an American woman should know the Kamasutra 'inside out'. Coz that's what is expected from us. I can recall at least two instances where people (who weren't romantically involved with me) have asked me abt my knowledge of Kamasutra and I hesitantly informed them that all I knew was that they made a movie by that name. "What? You people don't know the book fully?" they've asked with surprise gushing out of their eyes. "No! I believe I missed the compulsory class on Kamasutra 1-2-3 in school," I said to myself.

    Another thing that is expected from you, if you are from the land of the spices, is complete knowledge on elephants. I remember my friend John asking me if elephants did indeed walk side-by-side to the Indian man in the cities. Even though my head nodded a vociferous negative nod the first three Indian movies John saw with me (Lagaan, Asoka and Guru) all had elephants in them. So I don't think he was too convinced :) To make matters worse, Kamasutra, the movie, also had elephants in it :))

    To end, I have to mention what I once told a friend - "Being an Indian and not knowing the Kamasutra is like being an Asian and not knowing karate". Please lemme know if any of you've had similar questions being hurled at you for being an Indian ...

    Food for/during thought 

    Sunday afternoons normally mean Indian lunch for me and I normally try to go alone for it. This not only gives me some time on my own and but I also love to just sit back for a while and observe people around me. Three thoughts from today's trip:

    1. I saw a couple eat lunch where the guy was visually challenged. Yet they were smiling and eating and were completely lost in their own World. She was so happy with him and his smile more than revealed the mutual nature of this feeling. To me it was love in one of its purest forms. There were so many of us with eyes out there but we were still missing some of the things that this guy was seeing. Beautiful.

    2. On the way to the restaurant my car was going head to head with another car. The road ahead of us was empty and we could have both sped off. But we dint. For almost two minutes we drove exactly next to each other and we acknowledged the trip with a meeting of the eyes. After that the middle aged gentleman took a right turn and we parted. That's when it struck me that every day we make so many temporal acquaintances. People who serve us in a restaurant, people we stop on the road and ask us for the time, people we brush against, the girl in the clothes shop who gives a practiced smile and says, "Hi, how are you doing? Let me know if you need any help". Have we ever thought abt these people after these fleeting encounters? Will we recognize them if we bump into them again? So transient yet so true.

    3. There were several other thoughts that struck me during the course of the meal and that's when I realized that the great philosophers were probably not great thinkers - they might have simply been lonely people who had Sunday lunches on their own :))

    Peace!

    Sunday, March 20, 2005

    Bad poem, Go c 'em 

    Wanted to do this for a while
    To my blog links add some style
    Check your right to see what's in store
    You might be entertained, or simply bored.

    Saturday, March 19, 2005

    Tech Support 

    "Ok! Yes, do you see a red slot in your computer. Yes, the one with lots of holes. Yes that one. Now put the cable in there. Ok! Please let me know if that works."

    Sounds familiar??? Maybe it does. This almost sounds like a mundane technical support assistance. Right? LEFT. There are two differences - two major differences.

    The above lines were said by the great X, one of my apartment mates; the same one whose picture I've painted on this blog at least a zillion times, specially with respect to his love life and this post is no exception. Every now and then X's lady love, Y's computer, needs support. The need for support varies from basic queries on how to use MS Word to severe 'philosophical' issues like "Why is the computer not working?" Similarly, the answers to these questions range from the one minute "Have you switched on the main plug?" to "Ok! Let's start from scratch". Now coming to the two basic differences in the form of support X offers to Y:

    1. Unlike most call center assistance, this support comes from an Indian techie residing in the US. How often do you see Indians in India getting "on call" assistance from someone in US? Tell tell. Speak speak. Say say.

    2. Unlike other forms of assitance in this case the caller just dials and hangs up and the person providing assistance takes the onus of making the phone call and paying for it on his own techie shoulders. It's almost like a collect call except that you don't even have to call. You can just make a false ring and hang up and the engineer will call you up :)

    These are the major differences. Obviously there are other smaller occasional differences like the caller and callee breaking into a small coochie cooing break before they deal with the converter or the support guy being called a "shueet heart" etc. Whatever be the case - X is truly an idol for all budding romantics :)

    What people Do 

    It is surprising to see how little we know of people's careers. Having grinded with engineering alone for gazillion years, I have some idea abt some of the job demands of other engineering disiciplines and have some knowledge of a few other areas too but the number of fields I'm ignorant abt and my notion of a career in those areas is appalling.

    Take my sister for example. She is studying Sociology and I have no freakin clue as to what she does. Every time I think abt a Sociologist, I think of social reformer and Pummy has already informed me that her work has nothing to do with that. In my defense, neither Pummy nor my mom and dad have any working knowledge of what I do. They know I am a computer engineer and one who DOESN'T design high end video games (a fact that single handedly has diminished my market value to them). Beyond that, they have no idea what is expected from me in my career.

    A more recent example would be Ari, who is visiting me (that reminds me that I should put up some photos of our travels from the week). Ari is doing a PhD in Genetics I believe, specifically related to Genetically Modified plants. He very confidently told me the other night, "Come on. Let's hack into some machines" :) That's what people think I do or rather am capable of :)) Seriously, is that what people think I'll do in my job??? Well, I wasn't that far off either. Subs mentioned to Ari the possibility of the same tree having multiple fruits and he said, "Oh, there's already work going on in that area!" That's it. I could not but help create the mental image that Ari is working on what I think is the "Salad Tree", a tree that produces tomatoes, cucumbers, bell pepper etc. So all you do is go below that tree and shake it with a bowl in your hand and in no time you get ready made salad :)

    Finally, I believe that people from quite a few non-techie areas glance upon this blog (from Antara the historian, to Samit the writer, to Ani who claims to not know abt stock markets and Ranajit the journalist). I'm really interested in knowing what exactly your (expected) job profile is and if possible what you think a computer engineer does. Help!

    Friday, March 18, 2005

    OK! So he is dating! 

    I was chatting with a friend of mine from India and he was overtly interested in informing me that he has a girl friend and the fact that they are "doing things". Under normal circumstances, I would have shown a certain amount of eagerness and pestered for further details but having understood that he wanted me to do exactly that, coupled with the fact that I'm not particularly fond of him, I just avoided any signs of inquisitiveness.

    "I mentioned to you that I am seeing someone, right?" he started.

    "No! So how is your job?" I replied.

    "Yaar, job is fine but then these days I am staying very busy in the nights (followed by a deluge of smileys, winks and emoticons), if you know what I mean?"

    "So are you liking your job, or are you planning to shift companies?" I maintained my nonchalance.

    "Oye yaar, it all depends on her now. Now I have to decide abt 'Us' na?"

    That's it! This topic had to end, even if it meant moi showing additional interest. "So tell me more abt this girl?" I said with the minimal required fake enthusiasm.

    "Arrre! Nahin yaar! It is nothing serious. We are just having some masti ... if you know what it means (a second round of emoticon shelling)"

    Grrrrrrr!

    The Search is on 

    Once again the stats counter and the kind of stuff that people have been searching for while reaching my site has amazed me. Here are some Google searches that led people to my site:

    1. Bengali girl shampooing pics- OK! for starters this is the most well defined and specific case of perversion I could think of. Can you imagine the exact fantasy of the person who searched this? What next?

    2. Bangalore call girls cheaper - now this one doesn't make sense. "Cheaper" ? What? Cheaper than what? Hmmmm! The kind of answers people expect on the web - phew!!!

    3. Preity losing virginity - once again! I am ashamed that my site actually is the end result in the quest for such perversion

    4. Hum Tum Who Framed Roger Rabit - now why would somebody search for these two films together? Is there some connection that I missed?

    5. Sagnik Girija - this one is impressive because there are people who still seem to care for G and me to actually search for the two of us together. I guess we are stuck together by the web :)

    To sum it up - from cheap hooker to movie looker - this blog is indeed an information storehouse :))

    Thursday, March 17, 2005

    One line 

    You know what's a reaaalllly cool one liner? - "Chill!"

    The Rhyme Crime 

    Every now and then I attempt at writing short scribbles on my blog which I then presumptuously term as poetry. While talking to someone abt how and when I started indulging in this indulgence, this incident came to mind - absolutely hilarious (or so I shall claim).

    The year was 1981 (the background music changes to a disco-ish groove to reflect the era). I was three years old and was preparing for entrance exams for kindergarten school. Mummum was the busy coach. What could they possibly ask me she pondered. She dint want to take any chances - mathematics, general knowledge, history, geography, developmental economics, political science - I think I was taught everything. One of my strengths used to be nursery rhymes and apparently I was quite amused by the rhyming phenomenon. So I decided to compose trite "poems" myself.

    There was a rat
    It sat on a mat
    Wore a red hat
    Played that ...

    (Need I say more?)

    Apparently, I just needed some word and then I would start gargling sweet nothings till some sound matched the word. With this "talent" in my pocket I was quite the social embarrassment it seems. Word has it that in the summer of 1981 I accompanied Mummum and Bubin to a classy 5 star hotel for Dad's office party.

    "Mampan this is my boss, Mr. Chandrasekhar," Bubin introduced me. "He is our Chief Engineer."

    If the story is to be believed, I smiled at my dad's boss, maybe even shook his hands and then said, "Chief, you must then be the Thief!"

    I don't remember any of this but mom tells me that for the next ten minutes she tried to cover up my faux pas by making me recite some of my other compositions. She even sprinkled in stray English words to show how I'd try to rhyme them as well. Well well! Well Well!

    Wednesday, March 16, 2005

    A box of old times 

    Suddenly flash backed the old times. People arnd me are wondering what to buy their cousins and brother's and girl friend's brothers and nephew's aunts. The probable list reads something like - Playstations, a high tech watch, DVD players and even a laptop. I was once small too (according to some people I haven't changed that much even now) and remember that when I was a kid one of my biggest attractions was the PENCIL BOX.

    Remember them? People from my generation (24-30) will surely know what I'm talking abt. when we were young, pencil boxes used to be a major status statement in school. The most eye candy ones were the phone-shaped kinds. The stupid me used to think that owning one such thing would make people assume that I carried an actual phone. I even re'call' making a few fictional calls using my 3*8 delight. A close competitor of the "phone" was the "calculator". Equally big, equally fake and equally enthralling and convincing to the little mind. I remember that a plastic layer inside these boxes separated the pencils from the sharpeners and erasers. Peek inside along the edges, and you could surely spot some pencil leftovers. "How many times have I told you not to chew the rubber?" Mummum would ask sternly. "How many times have I reminded you to sharpen your pencil next to the bin and not inside the box. The next time you do that I'll give you one of those cloth cases with a zipper running through it," she would threaten, reminding me of the classist hierarchy of pencildom.

    Soon my father elevated me to a new level of showmanship. The telephone was replaced by what was the "In Thing" then - double decker pencil boxes - the two storeyed spectacle. The box had two separate boxes placed on top of each other. The top had a cushiony feel and the coolest thing abt this masterpiece was a magnetic lock that the makers had introduced. "Do not mix up the color pencils with the writing pencils," Bubin would instruct tirelessly. I don't think he ever expected me to listen and I don't think I ever did. "And don't play with the magnet. You'll spoil it then."

    Years passed and trends changed. I remember having a transparent pencil case, a three storeyed one, one shaped like a car and my personal favorite - a little unassuming box with a zillion trap doors; each popping out some new feature of the box - an eraser holder, an in-built sharpener, a pen stand etc. etc. etc.

    What happened to that boy and his little desires???

    The A B C matters 

    Had this very interesting talk last night when we realized that we had absolutely no idea what the spelling of the individual letters of the alphabet were. I mean, if you actually had to spell A B C D ... how would you do it? Is there a standard way of doing it? We started talking and we figured that a lot of the letters can't be spelled without actually using it e.g. B, D, H, L, M, etc. etc. I tried to find some information on this but failed:( Any learned readers???

    Calling Bell ... ooops! Sell 

    So a bunch of us were sitting and doing absolutely nothing this evening when the phone rang. If it's 6 in the evening and we have a ringing phone, it normally means "Houston we have a telemarketer here". However, the possibility of the call coming from a young damsel seeking company, or that from an eccentric yet generous billionaire, makes us answer the call every time. So we pick up the phone, only to realize that unless it's an eccentric billionaire with a twisted sense of humor and Indian accent, it's just a telemarketer on the other side. I was abt to hang up but decided to give Ari the phone instead. What followed was a conversation that put six people rolling on the floor (literally). It was kinda mean but it still was what the blogging World call ROTFL :)

    Caller (C): We offer Internet services.
    Ari (A): Does that come with a computer or do we buy a PC separately to use your service?

    C: No! We offer cheap calling cards to India. We have something for every need. What is your need?
    A: Oh! I like something which I can use for a 34 minute conversation exactly.
    .
    .
    C: Don't you want to call people in India?
    A: Not really! I think I've called them enough. I've just had it with them. Now I want to make new friends in some new places. Do you have any suggestions?
    .
    .
    .
    C: So why don't you try out the card?
    A: I'd love to BUT I'm broke. Do you have any jobs? Yeah! Just like the one you are doing. I think I can manage that. Please sir, I really would appreciate that!

    Trrrringg!

    Tuesday, March 15, 2005

    Vrrrrooooom! n' some Love 

    Can't disclose the lead players of this production but the act was surely clapworthy. A friend of mine is completely smitten by this girl and while talking to her last night he reached a discussion involving cars. The mentions of the fast motors and the sweet voice on the other side made him all so romantic and he said:

    "You are just like gas. You are the reason the car called me moves."

    For the next ten minutes the girl laughed abt how this was the first instance in the history of romantic land where someone called a girl gas, expecting that it will woo her over. He then helped his cause further by saying, "You are gas and you smell sweet too!!!!" :))

    P.S. He apparently did make up for the faux pas galore later by telling her that she was his "driving force".

    Fishy Thought 

    Hey, do fish take a shower too?
    Do porcupines behave like pricks too?
    Are eels slippery customers?
    Do dogs bow bow after a good performance?

    Monday, March 14, 2005

    Hear Say 

    Heard this line during a conversation today.

    "Just a second. I will open the Internet and check it." :) We started laughing and one of the friends commented that he had actually heard someone say, "Wait I will download the net and then check it."

    Quick Question 

    Ok! This came up in a conversation with someone last night and deserves a mention. I for one, make fairly extensive use of the phrase "Feel free to ... blah blah". "Feel free to give me cash ... feel free to date me ... feel free to comment on my blog ... etc. etc.". Now, why would anyone feel pricey to do any of these things? I'm aware that the phrase refers to the freedom of choice but still sound funny to me. Any takers for my logic?

    On the same lines, we often ask people "Are you free tonight?" and I justrealized that one can never use that line on a hooker (pleaaase, not that I get "hooked") - no wonder Pretty Woman dint have the line :)

    Sunday, March 13, 2005

    Back with a Bong 

    Well! To make up for not watching any movies for the past two weeks, I saw three movies in the past three days - Robots, Be Cool and Bride and Prejudice (the English version). I've already expressed my opinion on Robots and my opinion on Be Cool and BAP are "mediocre" and "terrible" respectively. While the former is a 'great cast gone stray', the later is more like Ash-tray.

    On a different note, went to the Indian market and was talking to Ari in Bengali and two guys came up to us separately and accosted us with the line "Are you two Bengalis?". What? Quick question, why else will two people speak in Bengali? We decided to greet the next person asking the question with the answer, "Nope! He is Chinese and I am a Tamilian. We were just choosing a common language to give each other a fair play" :)

    Incidentally, one of the guys who came up and spoke to us ended the conversation with the line, "You guys should come over to my place some time. I'm single." :O What???? What does that mean?

    ThisTasteful 

    This is gonna be gross but in moi's difference the other person playing the lead role in this conversation was a girl and approved of the conversation. Moreover, the topic that led to the discussion wasn't gross either. ... and, who says that gross things don't deserve web space? Gross things have feelings too. Right?

    Well, we were discussing a girl from my undergrad days and the following conversation followed:

    Me: She was from the state X (anonymity being maintained). Ya, and the girl was veryyyyy distinct!
    Anon Woman: ... and why may I ask?
    Me: Oh! She had the largest set of natural breasts humanly possible. I'm not kidding ...
    .
    .
    .
    (later in the conversation)
    Anon Woman: Oh! Did I tell you abt my friend. She is from the state X.
    Me: OH no! Does she have mammoth mammaries?
    Anon Woman: Oh no! She is an architect.

    What??? Why such a physical discrimination against architects :))

    Saturday, March 12, 2005

    Up(to)date 

    Well, for those who complain abt my prolific blogging :) this week might be a little sporadic. Ari(jit) is down in San Diego for Spring Break and I'm hoping that the week is busy in a good way (I just figured that bees are bee-zzzzeeee bodies).

    Finally I went and caught a movie after almost two weeks (which is probably the longest period I stayed without watching a movie in the US). I remember even while staying in the middle of Tarzan's neighborhood in Westchester, I coaxed Puneet for ten minutes to drive me for twenty minutes to go and watch the Hulk. So two weeks is indeed a long period :) The movie I saw was Robots, a star studded animated fare. The movie had its moments but not enough for me to like it as a whole. Yes, Robin Williams was fantastically brilliant, but then, that's nothing new! I guess Pixar has set the yardstick for animated flicks so high that it's difficult to match up (which is interestingly the same reason I gave Dipu as to why he can't date Jennifer Anniston - Pitt has set the standards too high for Dipu to match up :)). However, I have to agree that the animation quality was dazzling. To sum it up, the movie was what I term as a "Blonde Affair" - good for a short fling, especially good for a few hours on a weekend night, but not quite the stuff a long term liking is made of. Peace.

    P.S. This is my first movie review in ages and for the few who read this blog six months back, you know exactly how many movie reviews I used to throw up a week then.

    Friday, March 11, 2005

    Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

    Talk the Walk 

    I walked down the meandering steep
    A path sprinkled with love
    Throngs of lovers walking their dream
    Twosome islets against the azure sea
    Touched by bliss and ignorant to all
    They walk hand in hand.

    Pardon me if our eyes did meet
    Pardon me if I stared
    Pardon me if I bit your peace
    Pardon me if I cared

    Like a lonely torrent
    I gushed passed by
    Like a desperate voyeur
    I gazed
    Like a lonely lighthouse
    I faced the storm
    In reveries and dreams
    I dazed.

    Silent Movies Return 

    More news on my dad. Bubin has been complaining abt the torture that's being inflicted upon him and that too in his home terrain. Well, ever since dad retired, he spends most of his time watching TV. His favorites include anything remotely Sports, anything remotely news and any movie that is controlled by the remote. Now like me, Bubin too likes to watch TV late in the night, till he sleeps off. Sadly, my Mom has been complaining abt the TV sound and so Bubin only has permission to watch TV on mute mode during night. This has apparently forced Bubin to watch several movies without sound - a very interesting exercise in his opinion. So every night Bubin watches movies and infers a story from the visuals alone and then next day he watches the movie again during the morning repeats to confirm his story claims. However, the advantage of this new habit is that he is no longer constrained by language limitations. He can watch Chinese (yes, we get a Chinese channel in Kolkata) movies with as much ease as an American or Hindi one. He, however, does complain that he's not aware of who the hero or the villain is in the Chinese movies, so often he has no idea who to root for during an action sequence. As a result of this ignorance Bubin has often suffered from heart wrenching incidents, when the guy Bubin thought was the Hero all night long gets his ass kicked ruthlessly at the end of the movie. Bubin, I feel sorry for you. Nothing like "dumb" movies.

    Line from a late night conversation 

    It's funny how many people are funny these days.

    This reminds me of another conversation I had a few days back.

    Me (while mentioning that sense of humour is no longer a unique thing): There are so many funny people all over the place.
    Listener: How sad :)

    Good night!

    Thursday, March 10, 2005

    (Un)Real 

    They call it reality television but I can never recall any of these things happening in reality:

  • A bunch of super hot bikini clad hotties racing, trying to finish a bowl of horse dung!

  • A bunch of Ivy League graduates vying for a high end job, being asked to prove their worth by selling burgers on the road

  • A married couple going for a vacation and a super hot "other women" trying to tempt the man with the wife's full consent, in order to test the "strength of the marriage"

  • A fat jobless man getting the chance to spend 16 weeks with 15 super hot women to choose his "dream girl" and getting the chance to say "No" to fifteen of them.


  • Yeah! Sure!

    Mad Bad Ad 

    This one is a true ad description for a summer job that they put up in our dept. I thought of taking a photo and putting it up but then I dint have my camera with me. So you have to believe me on this :)

    Earn easy money. Wanted a web designer for the summer.

  • Earn $14/hr

  • Working knowledge of HTML and PHP expected

  • Knowledge of JavaScript and Oracle a plus

  • Should be able to carry 15-20 kgs of weight across buildings


  • What??? When did Gym 101 become a job requirement? Or is this our way of making the nerdies pump some extra iron? I can seriously see the "burden" of the tech profession increasing :))

    Three-Some Problem 

    Ok! For starters, the idea behind this post came after reading Ani's wonderful post. Now, I feel much better, having revealed my inspiration. Well, Ani's post was abt being the last man/woman in the World and on reading it I started thinking ... What if I was the last man on this planet and asked to choose between a man and a woman as my companion? The answer then will be a piece of cake, that too a chocolate coated one (did I mention that I strongly believe that there's nothing like too much chocolate). Given my staunch record of heterosexuality and the fact that I was shielded from women for the first ten years of moi's growing up, I would definitely settle for a woman. However, consider a slightly more liberal but tricky proposition. What if I could choose two companions???

    To start with, this too seems like a no brainer. Why wouldn't a man want to be alone with two women on this World? Just when I was abt to spell out QED and put down the proof, a small error caught my eye. Women shop. Women are indecisive. ... and when two women get together they gossip abt MEN. Can you imagine what that would be like? With no one else in the World, all the malls would be a gala grand sale. Every day these bonitas would leave for shopping together; try out every possible piece of clothing, ask each other for opinions, buy matching boots and the moment I'll raise a voice of objection, they'll plunge into some changing room and start, "The men I tell you ... All of them are ... seriously we are so much better without ..." You think the problem will end with that - NO. Whenever one of them is alone with you, she'll ask you if you prefer her over the other woman. You'll agree without realizing what you are getting into. Next morning you'll see an angry face staring at you ... "I was talking to Cindy," Lucy will shout at u, "She told me that you think I am quite the nag! Well, guess what? I told her that you think she is fat. Yes, you heard it right . EF A Tee. FAT! So all the best staying alone. All Alone!" Can you imagine what that would be like - being the only man in the World, having twice the number of women to choose from and still being forced into the dungeon of celibacy. Nooooooo!

    Seriously, it aint easy being a man. Any sympathy, kind women???

    Wednesday, March 09, 2005

    Funny how ... 

    ... I paid 99 cents to buy a song of 50 cent.

    A Fatherly Affair 

    I was talking to someone yesterday abt what I would consider a mark of being successful. So, I've said this in the past and will repeat it - I'll assume that I'm fairly successful and an achiever if I can afford one spoilt child. Yeah! I said it - One spoilt child. That's every father's dream :) I don't want a kid who is Mr/Ms. Perfect from day one. The kid should be completely confused with his/her career choices. Not like me, who had to choose between being an engineer and an ... Engineer. So my kid should definitely want to achieve new levels of craziness. "I wanna be a rock singer dad," he should sing aloud. "I'm feeling music in my veins." So I'll pay him to start a rock band; bore myself with beats of jarring drumming; allow that one tattoo they'll always regret. But come on, it's my kid we are talking abt, and unless I manage to dupe some super talented woman (very unlikely Mr. Nandy) there's no way of producing a rock singer. Not even a rock music lover for that matter. So lil Nandy will fail. The rocking dreams will crumble and he/she'll opt for the one easy vent to the frustration - by wanting to be a Hindi movie actor. Once again I should support him/her. I should be in a position to make a bad Hindi film for the lil one. But come on, unless my wifey does something illicit in her spare time, we can't have a kid worthy of the silver screen. So one big flop and the chap will be back again, cribbing abt possible careers. I'll train him to be a cricketer, open a boutique to experiment with the thought of being a fashion designer and even hire some goons to beat the shit out of him/her when the craze of Freestyle Wrestling hits the head. Finally, on a bright Sunny Sunday morning, lil Nandy will walk up during breakfast and say, "Dad, some of my friends are writing the engineering entrance exams and I wanna try out." "Oh! No! Not another Geek," I'll tell myself. "What dint I do for him/her," I'll shout, while gloating in inner ecstasy, "Aaah! Just like the father ... just like me! Such an idiot!"

    Tuesday, March 08, 2005

    Isn't it ironic ... 

    That the same people who believe that compromising is the key to every successful relationship, often vehemently oppose the idea of getting into a compromising position.

    Another Apt Mate ... Another story 

    As X walked into the house I looked at him and said, "Did you go for a movie?"

    I can't claim that X was really surprised but the eyebrows did move a little, revealing a tinge of curiosity. "How did you know?" he asked. "Oh! It was a guess. You have a cup of Coldstone Ice Cream that you brought in. The only shop they have in this area is next to the movie theater. Also, you normally return home at 12 but today you came back at 11.15. So you must have left your lab early. So I am guessing you planned and went for a movie," I presented my case.

    "Wow!" X exclaimed. The eyebrows moving a lot more this time. "I am impressed. Monk is seriously doing you a lot of good."

    "Oh sure it is! And yeah! The fact that Subs told me that you went for a movie helped too."

    The eyebrows cringed again and this time it was accompanied by a smile and a Bengali expletive.

    My Apt Mate 

    Subs is my apt mate. The guy is a lil darling and a borderline genius. He doesn't get very excited, speaks less, diligently watches Monk with me and seldom does anything outside what is expected from him. To summarize, he is dedication personified, with a love for Indian literature, American sitcoms and Asian women. Why do I mention all this? Just to use up blog space :)

    So Subs walks up to me last evening and says very seriously, "I have a thought. What if sex is not pleasureable. What if it's terrible? What if it's just a plan made by all the people who've had sex to tempt and frustrte the virgins?" The coolest thing is that Subs was serious with his assumptions, making the situation hilarious for me. "So why are there so many people turning desperate for repeat sex?" I ask him. "Part of the plan. Part of a very well planned plan," he said seriously and walked back to his room.

    While I sat in the drawing room, smiling at the situation, Subs returned. "You know what else they should have? Lil digital displays on top of cars. We can have some pre-programmed gestures and lines, which we can then display for the drivers in front and back. It'll be so much simpler to give the finger then." Sub dint wait for my nodding approval. "Hmmm! Someone should do that," he murmured back to himself as he walked back to his room to read PC Mag.

    Monday, March 07, 2005

    Rendezvous 

    This conversation is an example of my daftness and I'll present it with all the web space it deserves. Vipul, C, D and me were walking down Seaport Village and having general conversations.

    D: So how did Vipul and you know each other?
    me: Oh! We know each other from high school.
    D: So were you two in the same high school?
    me: No. We were introduced by a common friend.
    D: It's funny how you and Vipul say "common friends" coz here we say "mutual friends".
    me: Yeah! There are lots of such things like gas/petrol, blah blah blah blah ... So how were you and C introduced??

    So you don't think that was a dumb question? Don't blame you, coz I hid one important detail. C and D are sisters :)) Yanyway, the post will be incomplete without C's response to this.

    C: Oh! We were introduced by our parents :)

    Sunday, March 06, 2005

    The Power of the Net 

    For starters, lemme mention that my Mom and Dad are both technologically challenged when it comes to computers. Dad has finally learnt how to send emails while Mummum still stays away from the machine and has a phenomenal amount of love for me coz I "work with a computer." But, I have to accept that Bubin is mighty pleased with the idea of an email and that people "sometimes" reply to them. So he thinks no end of the power of emails. For example, anybody in India must be aware of the frenzy of the Indian Idol, the most important election in India, easily beating the "lesser" important Bihar and Jharkand ones in terms of media interest. Bubin was rooting for this one guy called Ravinder Ravi, who was apparently not the favorite of the judges. So one day he tells me, "get me the email id of Indian Idol" (yes my dad thinks that all animate and inanimate entities have an email id). So I sent him the id and he sent out a long email to them thrashing the caustic stance of the judges towards Ravi. By mere coincidence the judges were apparently a little kinder towards Ravi the following week and Bubin was mighty pleased with himself. "It must have been my email," he glowed. I was really harsh to them." "Highly unlikely Bubin. I don't think they even read your email ..." "Say whatever you want but I'm sure it was my email," my ol' dude cut me off.

    In the next few weeks Bubin inquired abt the "email id"s of every possible thing. "Do you know Manchester United's email id. I think they are making some major strategic mistakes...", "Send an email to Telegraph, will you? I think they are giving Sourav Ganguly far less credit than he deserves ..." etc. etc. etc.

    However, as amusing as Bubin's love and admiration for email is, Mummum still takes the cake. Mummum believes that all problems can be solved by "downloading" information. I cribbed to her a few months back abt my social life (or the then lack of it) and she said very seriously, "Why don't you just go the Internet and download something and make some friends. These days you can get everything in the Internet" :) I tried telling darling that to download friends I needed a lot more bandwidth than what is currently available and she said, "You are a computer engineer. You can surely do something abt it."

    As the sixteen year old girls sitting behind me cried out during the screening of a Disney movie - "Choooo Shueeeeeet!" :)

    High (s)Cool 

    Well! For the third consecutive weekend I spent Saturday evening in a San Diego night club and this time, I actually danced a little (to quote C, "I expected you to be a far worse dancer!") :) Yanyway, while dancing I realized that the whole night club experience is very similar to high school. "Why?" you may ask.

    1. Both places needed proof of age before granting admission.

    2. The club featured people called Master P, Master M and Miss-y E.

    3. Every ten minutes we were asked to raise our hands in the air.

    4. The toilet is a major make out area, AND ...

    5. 90% of the times I had no idea what was going on.

    Need I say more - one place was school and the other one is cool.

    Saturday, March 05, 2005

    In Deep Waters 

    While I was out on a ferry ride this morning it struck me that too much programming makes me feel "C Sick" ...

    Bit-ter 

    People who think that chocolate is an aphrodisiac are bitter lovers.

    A Word of Advice 

    A very beautiful but loud Bonita was sitting next to me in the bus and consoling a friend. "Just take a deep breath and do what you want to do," she said. What? Imagine that a girl calls you up for advice and you just tell her "Just do what you want to do" and she actually takes that as an advice. Amazing! I started thinking and realized that that's pretty much been the case with a lot of advice I've received, given or overheard (?) myself. Some one just tells us what we anyway would have done and somehow, somehow it reassures us. The whole thing reminded me of this lil strip that I saw in probably MAD, where a man, standing next to a broken window of his robbed house, tells the detective, "I think he came in through the window". "No," said the detective, "I think he came in through the window." "That's what I said," the owner repeats. "No, but I'm an authority," the detective rests his case.

    That's why I like my dad's advice coz you know he is trying to give you advice but you somehow can't make heads or tails out of it. So at some point you get so pissed off that you just forget whatever it is you were depressed over. "Bubin, I messed up an exam. I feel terrible". Bubin first thinks for ten minutes on how to help and then says, "See, every four years they have the Olympics. They have the marathon as a major attraction. People start running .... (ten minutes of excruciating details from 1982's marathon) ... Oh! As I was saying; in a marathon lots of runners falter in the beginning but these are the same runners who are deserving because they have ... (fifteen minutes of excruciating details on how long-distance runners train in Africa) ... so basically ...".

    Yada! Yada! yada! After a while you just give up. You get it that my good ol' man is trying to illustrate that the slow but steady wins the race, but by the end of it, you just get so bored that you don't even feel the pain of the bad Calculus exam u were complaining abt. Bubin - you are the man!

    Friday, March 04, 2005

    If Spams were true ... 

    Just realized that if spams were genuine and people actually responded to them - then all the men will be superqualified with 3 month MBA degrees and a penis to complement, pleasing desperate and lonely housewives who had lost 40 lbs in three weeks (as seen on television) in the cheapest possible cruise vacations made affordable by the lowest mortgage rates ever offered. Not bad, eh?

    P.S. This is for all those who like cheap trivia - two computer based concepts - spam and the python scripting language have something common to them. what?

    Guess who's back, back again? 

    Aha! Moi is back from my 24 hr blogging hiatus. I needed a day off to debug some code before I rebug the people. So for the few kind ones who missed me, "Thank you!" and for the remaining who are cringing at my return ... "I know what you are going through! Whacchya gonna do ?" :)

    I got a very interesting mail this morning - from a Mr. Rajat Dave. A few days back, I wrote a little something that they put up on Sulekha. Now this lil story also had a character called Rajat Dave (I even recall Antara and Ani discussing the possibility of some Kolkata chap sharing the name). My character Rajat Dave was working for an MNC and traveled a fair bit. As it turns out, the real life Rajat Dave works for an MNC too and has his share of frequent travels. So he mailed me to inform me of the coincidence. Spooky, eh?

    So I've decided to make the best out of the situation. For those of you who are wondering what that would imply - well, well; I've started working on a new story for Sulekha that involves a hot, siren-ish woman falling madly in love with me :) ... and Yes, I AM checking my Inbox frequently to have her acknowledge the coincidence too :)

    Thursday, March 03, 2005

    A Day's Rest 

    The writer will take a day off from blogging (I can see lots of people all happy and gleeing). Till then I leave you with yet another profound thought:

    What do you call a pair of lesbian household help?
    Maid for each other!

    Proverbial Thoughts 

  • Don't judge a book by its cover - the price tag is a much better yardstick!

  • A stitch in time saves nine - unless you are being "sued"!

  • A pen is mightier than the sword - as long as you are not fencing!

  • The Short of the matter 

    Someone who reads my blog asked me if I was aware of the fact that the words 'dint' and 'enuff' are actually spelled as "didn't" and "enough". My initial reaction was that of anger, followed by deep thinking and then laughter. I realized that I had fallen prey to the exact system that I make fun of - that of using a different kind of English for online matters. I personally make use of 'dint', 'enuff', 'coz' and do add a Y to 'anyways' (Y you may ask) ... by the way, I also use BTW. However, I don't use some of the more legendary abbreviations like 'ur', 'y', 'gr8', 'i c'. I've also stayed away from the wide spread Internet chatting phenomenon where you greet someone with 'asl please'. Once again the Internet amazes me. Where else could this conversation take place?

    cute_boy: Hi, asl?
    horny_girl: 21, f, CA
    cute_boy: ur a qt! (qt=cutie)
    horny_girl: thx. u2.
    cute_boy: quick ? 4u - single? r u c-eing ne1? any bf? (?=question)
    horny_girl: no.
    cute_boy: gr8. marry me!
    horny_girl: omg! lol, rotfl!
    cute_boy: is that a yes?
    horny_girl: yup!
    cute_boy: ic, swak, gotta go, cya! (swak=sealed with a kiss)
    horny_girl: cu l8r.

    An Internet Love Story ...

    Age of Innocence 

    A few days back I made a post on how fast the Indian Generation X is changing. Clubs, discs, metrosexuals and rave parties, it seems, are commonplace these days. However, an incident narrated by my sis this morning reminded me of the good old times when people took a more clandestine approach to romance.

    Pummy was attending my cousin's wedding and a seventeen year old girl came up to her and introduced herself. The two of them got talking and Pummy asked her if she had a boy friend. The girl it seems was very embarrassed to accept the presence of the special someone, but finally nodded a dreamy nod of approval.

    Now the funny part. Apparently, after five minutes, the girl came back to Pummy, took her aside and told her (and I'm quoting), "By the way. We are just H and not K". Pummy had no idea what this meant and requested an explanation to which the girl shyly said, "I mean just holding Hands ... no Kiss." Saying this she left the place. Aha! Innocence is floating in the breeze again :)

    Wednesday, March 02, 2005

    Inspired Quote 

    Can't reveal the inspiration for this quote but I think I have suffered from loose-motional deja vu, where I feel "Shit! This has happened before."

    What I think of the names of Fraternities and Sororities 

    They all sound like Greek to me.

    Probing the probable 

    I might have mentioned this here before but this came up in a conversation last night and cracked me up again. So I shall give the incident the benefit of the doubt and mention it again. So people who think that I exaggerate my description of graduate student life in SD, think again.

    This happened two years back. I met a fellow Indian in the city bus on my way to the university. We were sitting next to each other and got talking. He even offered to teach me some Indian cooking. Later that evening the two of us met in the bus again and I smiled and told him, "Woah! We just met this morning and here we are meeting again in the evening. How coincidental is that?" The dude dint even blink and told me, "Come to think of it, it's not that big an incident. All graduate students come to the university between 8-10 in the morning and there are three buses they can take in this route during that period. Similarly, most of us come back between 6-7. Therefore there are two buses in which they can return. Given that, the chances of you and me meeting were 1/3 * 1/2 = 1/6, which is not that low."

    Moral of the story: I have a chance of having such a conversation at least once a week if I take the bus to the university.

    Tuesday, March 01, 2005

    Soaps and other slippery stuff 

    While the Spielbergs and Scorceses and European directors (the rule of pseudo intellectuality states that in order to sound like a movie buff you have to name some European chaps) have relied on CGI and imagery and story telling to lure in the viewers, the people making soap operas just ask mundane questions to achieve the same. I have been fortunate enuff to watch a few of these golden soap moments in recent times (in my defense, merely by accident) and the actors use jarring music and bad acting coupled with that one "facing the camera question" to create a stiff ambiance of tension. So what exactly am I talking abt?

    Lara: Vernie, I love you.
    Vernie: Lara, I love you too.
    Camera now zooms into Vernie's face and he looks directly into the camera and says - Or do I????

    That's where the episode ends. The funny thing is Vernie doesn't hush his voice or appear subtle. This is a line said with equal gusto but meant solely for the audience. For the next one week the perpetually sniffing Mrs. R will keep nagging her not so better half, asking, "So do you think Vernie actually loves Lara? I feel so bad for her. That Vernie is a creep."

    After a week of gripping tension, the series would continue and not even care to address the issue of Vernie's love. Once again, at the end of the episode, Lara and Vernie will coochie coo.

    Lara: Vernie, I'm pregnant.
    Vernie: What, with what?
    Lara: With a child. My child. Your child. This is your child Vernie.
    Camera now zooms into Lara's face and she looks directly into the camera and says - Or is it ???

    Seriously, that's how tension is built in these shows and people like it. Can you imagine trying similar things in real life and not getting your hiny kicked in the process. Imagine you are standing in a long queue for a movie ticket and a tattoo sporting, bicep showing guy comes up to you with his girl friend and says, "Hey man! Is this the queue for Pretty In Pink?" You look up at the guy and say with a voice oozing emotion, "Yes it is" and then turn at his girl friend and say with even more gusto, "Or is it?" Lemme know what happens.

    Double Trouble 

    Just read that Keira Knightley has opted for a 'bottom double' for her upcoming movie Domino. So guess who's gonna be the "butt" of all Keira Knightley jokes from now??

    Too Bad 

    I read this article where they mentioned the Bad Sex Awards. First of all, even though this award has been going on for a while, how lame are the awards we have? Can you imagine the set of things that are likely to follow next - bad opening scene in a drama award, bad male character description award, bad fight sequence between a man and an animal award etc. etc. etc. Yanyway, moi digressing. The reason for this post is that the "award winning bad entry" can be found here. I read it and I'm sure I can do a lot worse. See it's a different thing when people beat me at doing something good but I can't just stay quiet and witness others beating me at being bad now (btw, does this make me a bad winner?). So here's my entry for the most grotesque, crass and tasteless description of a sex scene. Please, good people, support me.

    "They did bang bang all night, till they could bang bang no more,
    They did bang bang all day and all their thingies turned sore!"

    Beat that!

    ... and now the solution 

    This is a follow up to the previous post. A PhD student is not only responsible for coming up with a problem but has to solve it as well. So it's no use saying that it's difficult to rebuild ties once they've been broken. We HAVE TO come up with a non offensive way to solve the crisis ourselves (that is the single most serious sounding line I have ever written on this blog) :)

    Haimanti (and she can vouch for this story if she is reading this) is one of my closest friends from high school. Sadly, the lazy me dint get around to mailing her for almost a year after she left for the US. In my defense, I'm talking abt actual mails here - the types that required the labor of buying stamps and salivating it :) So, finally when I decided to make amends, I had no clue how to contact her. So I wrote her a mail which was written as a continuation of my previous mail (which I hadn't written) and spoke abt things which she had no idea abt coz she hadn't read that "previous mail". I believe I even expressed my mild anger at the fact that she hadn't replied to the "mail". Well, the trick worked and the kind Hemo mailed back. I did ask her later how she reacted to the mail and yes, she was all surprised. Complex problem, simple solution - now, where's my PhD?

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