Tuesday, January 31, 2006

And now you are Pissed Off!! 

Ok! A word to the few women who read this blog - you'll probably NEVER come back to read it again. I'll miss you all. And just to let you know - this post is not supposed to be gross AND you can ask your male friends that.

I've been wanting to write on this topic for a while now, but it's just that work and other stuff kept me busy. I wanted to write abt the phenomenal tension in a men's urinal. Seriously! I've never been to lady's urinal BUT from what the ladies tell me, it's supposed to be well compartmentalized; a place where individuals get the privacy they need; a place that I believe even plays host to some very interesting conversations. In contrast, men's urinals are a very disturbing area. Read on!

For starters, men have to stand and get their business done. So this is what you do. You face a wall and wait and wait ... and then you get done and then you run (not before washing your hands though). This period, when you face the wall and do your stuff is nerve wrecking. You have to either look at the wall or look down. Now obviously it's better to look into the wall. But I don't have to explain that, if you do this pretty regularly, it gets quite monotonous. Come on, you can't just look at the wall and not think of anything. Every man, I believe, has his special bathroom thought. My thoughts normally include tunes of songs (not Hawa Hawa) or finding patterns in the tiles of the walls. I'd be happy (actually NO) to know what other people think abt.

The next big thing is to avoid any kind of eye contact. Any kind. As men, we are taught to think that nobody else is in the bathroom when we are finishing business. Unlike women, we don't socialize in the toilet. It's never "Hey man, what are you doing here?" for us. However, every now and then, the moment gets the better of you. You hear the new entrant enter and you give a quick look. Under normal circumstances, the new entrant too is careful to not make any eye contact. BUT on a highly chance driven instance - EYES DO MEET! And then ladies and gentleman, you get the most awkward smile exchange ever!

The final thing that I wanna discuss on this issue, is what many might consider gross BUT I have to say it - it's the peeing sound. Some are noisy pee-ers, others like to be discreet. Yet others are situation driven i.e. when left alone they go on a roll BUT in the company of others they learn to control the volume. What is really disturbing is when two people land up next to each other, in an otherwise silent zone, and the only sound they hear is ... you know what. Can you imagine the amount of judging that can go on? "Is the other guy thinking that I'm too loud?" ... "Man! He is soo loud. Does he have no control?" "Wow! He is really quiet!" ... and the likes.

There's so much more that can be discussed on this topic ... but I don't want to piss you off any more :)

""guffaw!!!!!"" ""guffaw!!!!!"" ""guffaw!!!!!"" ""guffaw!!!!!"" ""guffaw!!!!!"" ""guffaw!!!!!"" man, what a riot!!! dude, something that we do not talk abt at all.....

nearly fell on the floor laffing....patterns on the wall - my favorite....
Two things about pissing men.

1 - We don't really check each other out for size. Do women check each other's boob sizes when they're in the ladies'?

2 - We always try to piss in a pot farthest away from the others. This can lead to some interesting permutations when there are, say, 6 piss-pots and 4 men. You can work them out.
Waah! Some observations! Whoever socializes with strangers anywhere... start talking to friends you meet in the restroom and you won't... uhmm... hear/notice those noises. And I swear that men who talk to you in the restroom are extrememly dependable to bitch with as well :D

Did you notice lefties go to the right one and righties go to the left one? Also, it's the one place you will find the newspaper if it's not in the lounge. Okay, outta here!
This post is outstanding and no you cannot "piss" me off your blog. This is one of my favorite blogs. And you just know how to keep them coming. I've always had a lot of questions about the men's room and how men operate in the open. This was so insightful :)))
@dhr - thank you :) i see a pattern here in our thinking i must say :)

@aqc - i have actually seen a short film based on the second pt - where they show how to choose a pot in a men's rest room :D

@sanity - lefty righty observation - wow! you are far more observant on this topic than i am :)

@m - thank you :) very sweet of you to say that :)
I totally, totally, totally identify. The weirdest thing for me is when I stand there confidently, and suddenly realise that it was a false alarm, and I don't have to go. What do I do then? What will people think? Thankfully, the thought itself makes me nervous enough to pee.

About socializing, have you seen the Tom Arnold-Mike Myers toilet interaction in Austin Powers? :D

(Word verification: wmengopz. Heh.)
The most difficult is to supress a fart while you are pissing away to glory. If you see a man with a red face walking away from the urinal, please understand and sympathize with what the poor bastard has just been through.
you didn't by any chance come up with this idea, did you? :)
FYI: Well, this post does not top the "pissing off" contest.
Sagnik, you clearly haven't been told about ALL the stuff that goes on in the Ladies. You wouldn't want to drop in on our intimate note-exchanges on menstrual cycles and tips on dealing with post-coital problems after sex during the cycle now, would you?

(well, since we WERE trying gross people out, i thought i'd have a shot too...)
Oooo... didnt know it was such a pressurising situation for you guys. (No pun intended).
:D This was hilarious!

No, never been inside men's room. But well we all know how they look like!

But you are right about Ladies washrooms. Its a place for socialising many a times. From fixing up the makeup, posing, checking out how one looks in those huge mirrors (i love those big full-length mirrors :P), to chit-chat with other women. Marital problems, latest gossip, bitching, office politics, who's sleeping with whom etc... ah you get the drift... :)

Well, what can i say, being a woman has its perks too! :D
I have this darkness-sensing circuitry with a glowing LED to focus on. Sometimes, I shift my weight to each foot and the automatic-flush goes on when I let some light fall on it. Hehe..Cheap thrills. People must think I am peeing gallons into the pee-pot!

And yes. No talking to your neighbour under ALL circumstances
The "pissing" story, didn't really piss me off.
I had another question :
Don't guys notice if their neihbor's washed their hands after "doing" the task ?
I have this habit of noticing if the ladies wash their hands in those aroma-therapy liquid soaps.

And does this same thing happen, when one piss on the road ?
I was reading on and chuckling quietly...till I came to the last bit about the noise thing. Suddenly had this image of a row of men standing and peeing in different scales and tones and volumes. That DID gross me out. Shall keep visitng your blog nevertheless..most interesting and educative it is :D
what i welcome blog!! :))
i mean i come back to check blogs after a long time n then i get to read this but it was amusing no doubt.
Sanity starved commented my post was stark similar to this, so I rushed here to read. Was quite funny. Do check outsize does matter on my blog
Hate to admit it, but, it WAS a funny post. Graphic details aside.

I also lost my appetite, which is a very good thing. (yet another fad diet)
haha..i hve a query 4 u..y is it tht guys zippup outside the restroom and nt immediately aftr peeing..??
nah! it doesnt sound gross. it sounds like a male dating ritual. very amusing. :)
Passing by, couldn't resist:

Old Chinese Proverb say:

It is better to be pissed off than pissed on.

>> Don't guys notice if their neihbor's washed their hands after "doing" the task ? <<

No we don't. It is strictly forbidden to make eye contact in the men's urinal.
awesome bro...
my favs are

the graphiti on the left wall as u enter the College street coffee house Mens room
I'm not particularly into the girly toilet chat thing. I find it most off-putting.
However, I think the only clear girly bathroom etiquette is not to fart whilst sat doing your business. I swear, you can see the tumble weed. Not that I'd know, of course.
hmmmm been a while. where art thou?
That was a great piece. I often wonder how females stop pee for a long time. Have you noticed some can even not pee at all during office hours and even in film halls..wow.. Sagnik one small piece though about special thoughts while peeing...some males are lazy and the only thing when they release pee after about two hours is... "oh....ahhh...it's beautiful...mannnnnnnn...i am released" ha ha...
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