Sunday, April 23, 2006

The Shield! 

Aha! I recently spotted one more of these. The specie that I like to call "the Protectors". A fairly large and prevalent group that we've all seen but just didn't categorize. So let me do the honors, will you?

There are men who can get a particular woman instantly; so they pursue her pronto. There are men who most definitely cannot get a certain woman; so they give up pronto. And then there are men who think that they have almost no chance with a woman BUT take the "almost" part of the statement very seriously; these people refuse to give up and often become the ... tan tana naaa (my fake reproduction of honking trumpets) ... the Protectors.

The Protectors don't try to woo women with their charm (they often don't have it to start with). The Protectors don't take the lavish exorbitant route either. Surprisingly they aren't romantic fools either. They, quite contrary to popular romantic abilities, are gifted with the rare talent of the triple Ps - Patience, Perseverance and Protectiveness.

Haven't you often seen that one guy who always hang out with the hot girl and wondered how this bloke got a girl like that? You asked your friend and realized that "they are not dating". She openly acknowledges that "he is just a good friend". So you try your moves ... BUT there's one Big problem. Whenever you try and whatever you try - the protector is always there. He has pretty much booked every day of the girl's week. "Hey, you wanna catch some dinner tonight?" "Sure, but my friend Raj will join us too. You know Raj, right? He said he'll come by and borrow some books. It'll look odd if we leave without him." Be it borrowing books, returning them, forgetting an important file in the girl's house, "accidentally" being in the same area, feeling very depressed for some "personal family reasons" - the protector is always there. Their strategy is to shield away all men from the girl's life. Then, one day when she is old(er) and less bold(er) and all the wooing men start trickling in numbers, she would realize that the protector has always been there for her and then they will indeed sing a dream song with background dancers sprinkled in aplenty. It doesn't always happen, but is commonplace enough for the protectors to keep trying.

In the past I've had to battle it out with protectors myself. This one guy in college was like glue to the girl I dated. I'd even started questioning whether I was trying to see the girl or him. I learnt so much abt the Protector specie from him. The following are some golden rules that protectors should follow:

* Show initial romantic disinterest towards the girl. This makes her feel comfortable and safe in your presence and allows you to spend a great amount of time with the girl.

* Be of some use to the girl. This is a must as it will (a) earn you the much needed "very helpful" and "really cares for me" tags and (b) will also allow to be around the woman a lot more. Homework and "let's exchange notes" seems to do wonders. It used to amaze me in college how the "Protector" that I'm alluding to would study our subjects with us even though he was a BATCH SENIOR TO ME!!!!

* Be shameless! Yup! If you want to win a girl by being her protector - you've gotta be shameless. You can't do the math that the "couple types" do. "I called her the last three times, she should call me now!" Naaah! You can't afford to harbor such sentiments. You should call her everyday. Even if she never calls you. You should meet her everyday. Even if she never wants to meet you. The trick is to make yourself completely invisible to her so that she doesn't mind your presence any more. Coz trust me, even if she doesn't realize you are there, the men who are trying to woo her will and soon they will disappear, giving you a clean field to play in.

As a parting note, I oft wonder abt these two questions - (i) Why is it that women never realize that someone is trying to be a protector? Confront them with these allegations and they'll always tell you how "there is nothing between us. He just likes me as a friend." There is something super brilliant abt these guys that convince the women of their "non romantic aspirations" and I can't seem to fathom what that is. (ii) Why don't we have women protectors? Seriously, I've seen tons and tons of male protectors but NOT ONE of the other sex. Why? Why? Zed!


spot on dude...
Some armchair psychology for you - The Protector-types, I think, provide the much needed assurance to women that "Men and women CAN be just friends". If he demonstrates by his words and actions that he is prepared to be a wussy and not expect some "action" in return,he CANNOT be bad! Its the same reason why women love dogs and gay men :D
The protector is btw, as far as my experience goes, is limited to the desis among the homo sapiens on planet earth. I knew a guy sometime ago who though defines the protector species.
He used to hang out with a female friend of mine,to the extent that he slept over at her place (albeit on the living room floor in a sleep bag), escorted her eveywhere frm classes to the mall, did her laundry, took her out on a million platonic dates and when i finally asked her WHY MAN WHY,he replied "I want to be in her life in a way that someday she feels Im irreplacable".
Kind of reiterates the point u were making.
@vin - thank you dude! :)

@kiwi-phool - if only their intentions were to be JUST friends we men wouldn't mind this specie that much :D

@jhantu - wow! your friend took the protector glory to new untouched heights I see :)
Well, learn from them. Get protector woman friend.

Err... only you would fall for them then... and you would become protector species. Never!

Yeah, I see your point :D
I know some girls, who use these protectors species for their chores (hws, laundry, shopping, etc.,). I felt pity for these species always :)
There IS a female of the species. They usually get lucky with men who need to be mothered.

@sanity - i have a problem with the first part itself - "get a protector woman friend" - where do you find them :))

@ratna - lol! see how talented we are - we are never just a boy friend but always a package deal :)

@jap - well, for poor me most of the women who have harbored motherly feelings for me ... WERE MY MOTHER'S AGE!!!!
Oh man...now I understand why I am not able to get thru to that hot female...need to get a plan of action :)
Ha ha!! I was reading this post with an amused expression and my eyebrow raised... till I reached this part..

"I'd even started questioning whether I was trying to see the girl or him."

ROTFL!! guess you ended up having date with this guy :D
I know a woman who used to have a protector. He would walk up to her soon-to-be-husband and tell him his dreams, in which the boyfriend always died a gory death. Thankfully, the man in question was not deterred.
hahaha! for a minute, u almost made me feel sorry for "the protectors." but then i remembered that being pampered by them is far more fun! ;) *snickers*

so since u seem to know so much about the, temme something! Have u ever been one? ;) what was that like?
What if there is nothing super brilliant about these guys. Look at it this way. It is the girl's brilliance. She uses the protector as a shield against all the guys she doesn't want to be with and the protector against himself saying "I always thought of you as a friend. JUST a friend" When it comes to THE MAN in her life (or men) , she pushes the protector off saying, "Let's meet tomorrow instead. I have some work today."
@anwin - simple plan dude - if you cant beat them, become one of them :)

@bindu - yeah! it was almost like that - at times the guy will just tag along and say "i am very lonely today" and i would think "i wish i was more lonely today" :((

@gamemaster - trust the superhero to add a new twist to the tale :)

@iksha - btw, you have a wonderful name - what does it mean? regarding being pampered ... well, you girls have all the fun :((

@amritha - Brilliant (and evidently with a capital B) - never thought of that and now that I think ... hmmm!
Most women always know who this ‘protector’ person is. But then, two can play a game and all that. And a Plan B is always useful.

So Mr Protector gets a good shot at chick who would normally have not cared two hoots about him
And Ms Protectee will have a back up when she discovers the horrific truth about the Alpha Male types.
Win-Win, I say!

Though, you do realize it is entirely the fault of the man here (or the woman should she choose to be the Protector Person!)

Have you noticed the “Protector” types who comment on Chick Blogs? Wait, you of course did! :)
Spot on indeed!!! I had a term for such types... footmen, or bodyguards ... the girls would always show up at the club with them... amazing how hostile they seemed when the girl was "single", and when she was not (rendering the said footmen redundant), how friendly they became!!!
protectors are really useful for scaring off unwanted attention.
I had a friend who used to be a protector to this other friend of mine...always around her, scaring off other men. Then she went and got married to some guy her parents chose. I had to console and counsel that poor protector for months on end. I dont know who was more traumatised, him because of the wasted protecting or me because of all the preme byartho bondhu counselling :(
@primal - you know what? i have always wondered if the women are completely aware of the protector's intentions and use him as bait :) thanks for reaffirming that notion :)

@anon - wow, so there ar ethe club going groovy protecors as well :D

@vp - but i always thought that women enjoy the attention :) you would know - wouldn't you :D

@ron - well that is another thing i wanna talk on - women and their remarkable skills in the area of romantic counseling :)
If you went to an Indian engineering college, which I think you did, did you never encounter "Rakhi sisters"? There my friend, is the female version of the "Protector".
hey! i guess my comments just going to get lost amongst all these comments here..but what the hell..;) surprisingly, this post has been an eye opener!!! i have known these "protector" characters all my life and never realised that they were actually that!!now it all falls into place!!:) thanks dr.shaggy;)
@plumpernickel - oh there is one BIG difference here - men become protectors so that they get some chance to stay close to a woman. WOmen turn into Rakhi sisters to ensure that some men have zero chance :)

@Ramya - Oh! Pilani was full of them. Given your popularity I will be surprised if you didnt have a few of them yourself :D
But, the true intention in both cases is to eliminate competition. So there!
There is yet another angle to it: The protector types are in the good books of the lady-in-the-centerstage, putting themselves in the primespot for a) the good lady to intro them to their friends, and b) their friends to hit off with an instant rapport, given the warranty the feller now comes packaged with. Brilliant indeed! :)
very enlightening indeed...
@plumpernickel - i agree madam

@littlecow - aha! you have just given me another idea for a post. the one on women introducing their friends to other men.

@qs - the pleasure is all mine :)
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