Monday, May 15, 2006

So what if you look mighty in a tighty? 

Hemo and I were talking the other day and we figured that the Indian would-be mother-in-law is one of the most difficult person to impress.

The whole conversation started when I asked Hemo (who is happily married) how her mom would have reacted if Superman had come over to ask her hand for marriage. Now let's be honest here. If Superman came to marry any of you ladies, you wouldn't give it a second thought. Yes, would be your answer. And I don't blame you. If Superman had come over to my house to ask for my daughter's hand, I would be thrilled. Imagine all the money I'd save. I'll no longer have to pay for my daughter's honeymoon travel costs. Plus Superman as a son-in-law will come extremely handy for household chores. You wake up early in the morning and you see water dripping from a pipe. Earlier you would have had to inform the plumber, wait for him to arrive, negotiate a deal and then get rid of the dripping. Now all you have to do is call up your daughter and ask for Supy (come on, you will give your son-in-law a nick name - wont you?). And before you know Supy will fly over to your place. "Ok now do that whole laser beam from your eyes thing and fix that crack," you'll demand. Supy will follow orders obediently. "Ok! Now you can go. One sec, since you are anyway here, can you fetch me some groceries?" you'd ask. And before you know Supy will get you the best coffee you've had in a while, handpicked from the plantations in Brazil. Not to forget Roma tomatoes from ala Europe. Impressive, right? Nope! That will not be enough for the Indian mother-in-law.

Let's take my own mom as a sample case study. My mom has this thing for educated people. The first thing she would have secretly whispered to my dad is, "Flying and all is fine but why didn't he complete his graduation. What will we tell all our relatives?" My mom is also a closet conservative. "Did you see his clothes," she will whisper in a loud tone. "Too tight. Specially that underwear. Very obscene."

When I mentioned this to Hemo, she agreed too. Hemo's mom it seems has a special affinity towards the underdog. She didn't want a son in law who was poor. She did not want a son in law who had rich parents either. She wanted a son-in-law whose parents were poor but the son turned out to be rich. Now that's a good story. So when Superman would've tried to impress Hemo's mom by flying to the kitchen and helping her bring the dishes over, she would have casually asked him "What did your father do? Was he poor? Did you study under street lights and still come first in class? Did you, did you?"

And this is just with Superman. Don't even get me started with good ol' Spidey. "He is wearing a mask," my mom would have said. "I am very sure he has a scar or something. Ask him to open it and show us." she would have asked my dad. And boy she would have gone wild when she would hear about Spidey's various romantic escapades. "You had a girl friend? Not one but two? And you kissed one of them while hanging upside down? Pummy let us go. You are not marrying this mask flaunting, tight wearing, loose character fellow." And that would have been the end of the story.

Things will get far worse if you consider the female superheroes. All you guys reading this post, imagine Wonder Woman in front of your mom. "What is this," she will shriek. "She is almost naked. No no no! We cannot let our son marry her. Plus she doesn't know how to cook either ..."

Seriously. Think about all the virtues that your parents care for and try to search for them in our superheroes. You'll be shocked to see that they could stop moving trains with a finger and fly you away to dizzying heights but when it would come to impressing your mommy dear, they would be a miserable flop. Ahem! Ahem!

Wonder Woman doesn't need to cook. She has her personal chef, who happens to be a minotaur.
You didn't even get into the issue of Bong mothers and mothers-in-law. Very PG13, actually.

But as for superheroes, I do remember a schoolmate asking me, If Phantom is such big shit, why does he have to ride around in violet underwear and over his trousers to boot?
Hilarious !! The observation on mother's requirements for their future son-in-law is spot-on. But IMO this is mainly a feature of the Bengali middle class. Perhaps only in Bengal can you impress your future MIL by showing off a PhD degree compared to a MBA (no matter that the former is usually broke compared to the latter !).
How about our home-grown desi Shakti-man? Here's all thats in his favour:

1. No undies outside pants
2. Bhishma pitamaha hangover ensures the ancient Indian value system, knowledge of Hindu texts etc
3. Indian and hence...(no furthur explanations given)
Ha ha ha - very funny, and very true!

Marry a superhero? And always compete for that coveted position of being his top priority... no way! :p
@ani - aha! that can indeed impress a mother-in-law would be, who can then boast to all and sundry how her daughter-in-law's family even gave them a chef :)

@aqc - but then let's not forget that Phantom had a hot wife prancing around in the wilds - not too many superheroes had a happy married life and the Purple suited guy deserves some credit for that :D

@bongo - i know. there was a time my mom used to consider getting me married to women based on how many publications they have - thankfully she has given up now :)

@ideasmith - now that's talking sense - seriously - Shakti-man (though I have only seen him in TV commercials endorsing biscuits) might just do the trick - even though Mukesh Khanna is a tad bit too old :(

@qs - oh, i have no problems of marrying a super-heronine or for that matter even a heroine :P
Can I opt for Krrish?
damn right ur in this post, but wht about the pleasing and choosing process before she comes into ur life? Any thoughts on that?
a super heroine? Well, I am okay with heroes (Abhi is just faaaiiine!). But superheroes - naah - they have to save the world... don't want him flying across the world to save someone in China when we are on a hot dinner date! :p

Read the post again. Laughed again! Good stuff!
@queer - you seriously want long haired Roshan as your choice of superhero?? btw, talking abt Krishh I had the brilliant idea of calling the movie Baby Koi Mil Gaya :D

@jhantu - naaah! that's simple for me - however hard i try i am pretty sure she wouldn't come :))

@qs.gemini - yeah! let's keep it at that - superheroes can save people from the baddies and techies can marry the girl :D what say?
Just imagine what would happen if a prospective MIL, would have a chance to consider Wolverine (of X Men) fame as a son-in-law?
Call me or e-mail. Did you get my phone message?
My mother has a problem with Rahul because he apparantly smiles too much. "Eto beshi haashar ki dorkar?" oh, and also, apparantly he has a "kebla" smile. "Shobi bhalo, kintu khali daat ber kore kebla kebla haashey" is how she has described him to my aunt. Siiiigh!! This post makes sooooo much sense.
Aaaan aah!! about mother in laws ;) its really hard to please mom/papa in laws for that matter!!
Have you seen MY post along Mum-in-law lines? Have you? Have you?

This is just the too funnies. Kintu re. superhero costume, off, baba, who goes to visit prospective in-laws in work clothes, huh? Kichhu jaane na.
@generallyspeaking - ha ha! he would be of great helps to slice vegetables but the MIL will definitely make him shave :D

@bridal - will email you pronto.

@ron - but if he was too serious that would be a problem too - bottomline very very difficult to please them :)

@bindhu - agree!!

@rimikaku - very good point. no one else raised it. but if superhero doesn't come in costume he become normal man and then ther eis no fun only na?
How about our desi comic heroes like Bahadur? And you missed out mandrake. In his case, he would just hypnotize the mom in law. So no pains there.
:)) good one. as always.
Stumbled upon your space very recently. Enjoyed reading your posts. :-)
@shreemoyee - they have a comic hero called Bahadur??? wow! any links to this guy?

@m - thank you very much as usual :)

@jenny - thanks :)
Check this site. Its a gold mine.
Found this one but am sure there are many more.

The red brick house
Enjoy :)
"Did you see his clothes," she will whisper in a loud tone. "Too tight. Specially that underwear. Very obscene."

Thats really too funny :-D Loved this post, made me smile, no laugh on a bad day! Thankyou!!
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