Sunday, June 11, 2006

Why I want to be a female blogger! 

Yup! That's quite the radical title for a post I'd say. But then it is true. Being a female blogger seems to be a lot of fun. You can really try radically different types of posts and get away with it. Look at me and my blog. Extremely mundane I'd say. The same old social commentary. Men do this, woman don't do this, desis are like this, here's a list of five reasons why ... yada yada! Absolutely no variety. But then that's the case with most male bloggers. As men, we have very little to write about that would sound remotely interesting. Social commentary, contrived humorous situations, tech and gadgety stuff and ... errr ... hmmm ... errr ... yup! that's pretty much it I'd say. But being a female blogger can be sooo much more exciting. The stuff you can write abt and yet have a roaring readership is mind blowing. No wonder, a very popular male blogger I know of, also masquerades as a fairly popular female blogger (I'm so tempted to provide links here :))

So, having introduced the topic, let's delve into it a little bit more - shall we? Why do I want to be a female blogger? What is it that I want to write abt but can't, being the man that I am? Here are a few ex-amples:

* The Anonymous Exciting Female Blog: Oh these are soo much fun. A large number of the popular female bloggers are people who have that element of mystique abt them. "There's a guy in my office who wears a blue shirt that I have a big crush on." - Now that's a jolly good line to come from an anonymous female blogger. Every man reading that post, who has ever put on a blue shirt, is put into the "Is it me?" alert zone. You walk into the office thinking every girl in your office could be that particular female blogger :D Aah! The control you ladies have on us, I say. No wonder there are sooo many anonymous female bloggers. Whether it's relationships, friends or general candid tete-a-tete - anonymous female bloggers manage to make it sound soo much nicer. What does she look like? Is she hot! Is she not! So many questions. Almost no answers. Wow!! Men on the other hand don't have much to offer as an anonymous blgger (and the Hawk doesn't count). Coz the rules are simple. If a woman talks abt a make out session or a night of revelry, it's an exciting read. A man doing the same? Well, who cares for such a creep? eM, M, primalsoup, qs.gemini, bakerzdozen, xxfactor ... and an unending list of others. I salute ye all for making blogosphere so much fun by keeping your identities hidden. Way to go!

* Abstract blog. I have this very strong urge to write absolutely trite and meaningless posts where people will still read the posts and go "Wow! This is so deep." A few men have tried this genre (and I shall once again resist from giving into temptation by not linking to them) and failed miserably. But quite a few female blogger's have made abstract blogging a truly recognized art form.

A gentle touch,
A delicate squeeze. Aaaah!

Yes!! That could be a blog post. And not just any blog post but one with 22 comments. This one still had two lines. I've seen posts that had just two words and people found two pages worth of stuff below that line called "Comments" to write abt those two words. And surprisingly, all these so called abstract posts were by women. Is it a coincidence? Is it an art they have mastered and we have faltered with? I dunno. But I do want to try it out at some point.

Milk, wine.
Bastard, swine.

* Do the whole chirpy tippity-top post!! Have you ever seen a male blogger write a "boyish post"?? A post where he goes "Oh! It was just like I was fifteen again"? A post with words like "Tickety tat and frickety frat"? People will be like "Yikes! What's wrong with him? Has he lost it?" But there are soo many posts where women seem to rediscover their inner child and reminisce abt dolls and skirts and all things pink. Have you ever seen a post where a man reminisces abt the first time he shaved and how different things were when he stopped wearing half pants to school? I rest my case!

* Write a post abt the STARE!! What's with my sex of the human specie? How badly do we ogle? There seems to be more blog posts on "He gave me that stare." and "I was feeling uncomfortable by the way he just looked at me." than on World Cup football!! Now don't get me wrong. I agree that a lot of men look at women the way a hungry tiger looks at a goat. But why is it that no men ever get the Mrs. Robinson stare? Are we that unattractive as a group? Imagine a guy writing a post going "She stared at me nonstop for 30 seconds. It was starting to get awkward ..." Can you imagine the reaction he'll get. Women will be like "Yeah sure! He must have been the one staring I tell you. She must have just given him the look to teach him a lesson." Fellow men will be even worse. They'll go "Who's he kidding dude. A guy? And he got the STARE? Who does he think he is?" And hence, every now and then I want to be a female blogger. Just to write abt the STARE and emotionally move an army of men and women who would then have sympathy and advice galore to offer. Hmmmm!

The list can go on - but actually it can't - coz I have nothing more to write now. So read and forget and read again!


This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Moral of the story sounds like I can't get away with writing about th girl with the red mini and black noodlestrap form work, write the 'A gentle touch, a delicate squeeze' kinda posts , write a 'Tickety tat and frickety frat' post and not write about any STARES I might get form the female kind. Unfortunately all the attention or comments that you might get is some unwanted one from the happy and gay kind. Dunno abt you but I call out :)
Wow, someone is really really upset.

- Women are multi-faceted ;-) Hence the numerous, and interesting topics!

- Blogosphee serves as the substitute for "best" friends. The anonymity helps talk about everything.

- Anonymity is a means of self preservation. If it adds to the mystique, I am not complaining!

- Are you saying that people could be commenting on my blog because they think I could be hot? Boy, they sure are in for some disappointment!!!

I salute ye all for making blogosphere so much fun by keeping your identities hidden. Way to go!

You are welcome! :)

PS: Which male bloggers pose as women? And WHY would they do that? Doesn't make any sense at all!!!
muhahahaa!!! tats girls for u! n girls can also be anonymous commentators and (as u say) get away with tat too ;)
@rohan - you think happy and gay people are interested in the stare syou get from the famale kind??? how happy were these people?

@qsg (read as qs ji) - th ename of th emale blogger who poses as a woman is .... tan ta tan ... ok lemme give you a cryptic clue:

i cant give a link
but can smile and wink
so follow the rhyme and
his color you can think

@xyz - i want to reply to that comment but Mummy has asked me not to talk to unknown commenters - so go :D
What about female bloggers, who are not anonymous with failry unabstract blogs who don't chirp or go tippity top or blog about leering men? :-)

Anyways, you men bloggers have this whole soccer thing to blog about, so what are you bitching about now? :-)
Is this the sort of post you were saying we men are not allowed to write?
a very popular male blogger I know of, also masquerades as a fairly popular female blogger

Hah. Prevaricator! I shan't believe you till you submit proofs. Show proof! Email links! Only then shall thy honour be restored in mine eyes.

And I LOVE female bloggers! Which is to say I loved myself. Yay.
@janani - sadly, i am not following the World Cup - all the more reasons for me to complain :)

@ttg - ooops! we have an exception here - do we? :)

@rimi - proof would have been given had the blogger in question not known me in person - sadly he does and discretion is my middle name - S. Discretion. Nandy
Don't get me wrong. But why is it that your recent posts always concern women? That too in a weird sense? Anyhow, I would like to ask you one question here.

If you DO get the same kinda comments/stare/whatever that women get, WOULD you REALLY like it?
You the man! I am so with you. I feel severly restricted in topics that I can write on. It's not that I don't get ideas for my posts, but they all seem to go the same path! :-(
I like the cryptic clue.
Oh yes, I do.
Paint a shaman thirty times
and his color will be blue!!
Nice post..:))
@qs.gemini - ms. qs cracked the clue and hence her comment was removed to keep the identity of male blogger secret :D

@bindhu - very true. as i said, all my posts sound similar - yikes :((

@jinguchacha - no no - you da man and we both da man and this is all we can :(

@anti-es - so did you crack the clue??
He who speaks; knows not.
He who knows; speaks not.
LOL @ every man who has a blue shirt walks in office thinking etc


@anti-e - he who replies to comment nods in agreement :D

@naina - beware of men in blue shirts - that's all i can say :D
When did you turn misogynist, dahling? Oh what a pity, what a waste...
Awwww... jealous, eh? ;)
Came here through Smugbug's blog. That was funny :D

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