Thursday, August 17, 2006

Forgive me oh blog! 

I almost feel like I'm cheating the few remaining dedicated readers of this blog by my prolonged absence. As I sat down to write a new post, I imagined what it would be like if this blog was a woman that I was dating.

"You don't spend any time with me anymore," she'd tell me.

"Baba, you know how busy I've been, right?" I'd say without blinking.

"So what? Are you trying to say that you weren't busy a year back? Even then you worked late in the night. But I never felt neglected. You would always find time to visit me at least once a day. And don't even get me started abt the early phase of our relationship. There were days when you would come and meet me twice ... maybe even surprise me with an occasional third visit. I haven't forgotten anything Sagnik Nandy (I'll never understand why women say the full name when they are angry)"

Deep down I'd know that the blog is right. So I would use every man's solitary defense technique for these moments.

"Hey, it's quality vs. quantity dear. Look at some of the stuff I gave you then. Posts on all sorts of inane topics ... dogs, crap and stick figures, what not ... but now I offer you nothing but the best that I have to offer."

"I don't care," she would cut me short. At this point one can smell the prelude to a tear drop. Now tear drops are super critical in relationships. A single drop of tear can turn the tides. From what was a well placed debate between two individuals would quickly morph into a one sided melodrama. So I try to stop her from saying anything further.

"You know what you mean to me. You stayed by my side when everyone else left me. I remember those days in grad school when I would sit all alone at home waiting to spend some time with you. You were my window to the outside World dear."

"Yess. I know," she would agree instantly. "And now you don't need that window anymore, right? New doors have opened and the window seems too small for you, huh? Don't think that I don't know what is happening!! It's those kiddie blogs of twenty something young girls from Calcutta right? That's what you want to go for now, right? My mature musings are too mundane for you, right? Go. I won't stop you. But remember, some day those blogs will all disappear, and you WILL come back to me. But maybe I won't be waiting for you then. Maybe I'll be with someone else. Maybe No URL LEFT will be a commercial blog offering cheap Rollex watches then. As if you care."

In these tender moments men can do one of two things - continue being rational and prolong the argument OR just accept the fault and make promises so tall that they would make an NBA basketball player look like a dwarf. I speak from experience friends - option one is not the "Sahi Jawab." As tempted as you might be to follow the path of logistics - refrain!

"Ok. Ok. I AM SORRY!"

"I don't want to hear your sorry. Go. Go and create a new blog with fancy sidebars and design templates and spend time with it. (At this point she starts crying profusely and you really want to tell her that glug flowing from the nose to the mouth is not a pleasant sight). Go away. I don't want to see you anymore. I will deactivate comments. That way you will never hear from me or anyone else who cares abt me."

"One chance baby, just one chance," I'll plead. "From now I shall visit you at least twice a week. Irrespective of however much work I have. I'll even reply to every comment that you make. Now forgive your Coochie Pooochie. Come on. You know you like me. We make such a great team. So many people like us. Give me one more chance honey bun*."

And then she smiled; a smile that put several other smiles to shame. And she came and hugged me while wiping her flowing glug on my new shirt.

Seriously, I will be more regular with my blogging from now :)

* Honey Bun (n) - Term meaning "my sweet dough". Was put to use by senseless romantics in the late twentieth century. Was responsible for single handedly reducing the IQ of a generation by 5%.

that is so well imagined and enacted ...you would put a couple to shame!!
and yes you must be without a girl friend for a while, considering you still visualise fights like this at your age :)
normally by now ..well..when bugged one generally refrains from dialogue and only resumes when 'it' doesnt matter that much..
Coochie Pooochie * doesn't know how to react *

Very well imagined, but I must say you do underestimate the melodrama some women are capable of, so can we assume you are one of those few lucky men who bagged the less feiry ones?
Kusum, this was underestimating melodrama? Oh dear god, are you serious?

Anyway, Sagnik Nandy, we know better than to believe you. All the warmth is in your words. Your heart is as cold as a chip of the iceberg that sank the Titanic. You give a damn about us. So what if we shed bitter tears at the absence of a new post? What does it matter to YOU? You're a horrible, selfish, smooth-talking man, Nandy, but we shall not fall for that again!

(Now THAT, Kusum, is melodrama :D)
well..all of us at some point have wriiten a similar post...asking for forgiveness and promising to be more regular...

but urs is the best so far!! :)
The way you are going, you would put Bernstein and Woodward to shame with your exposes on the opposite gender.

Altogether a very well written and executed piece
This is just plain hilarious. I can almost see you enacting this li'l drama in front of your laptop late at night. But like most of your other loyal readers I do not fall for your sweet talk and honey-buning. Action speaks louder than words and we'll hold you to it.
But do blog. Plz. Or we'll have to start looking to Senior Nandy for blog-food.
lol! Back and how! :-) Keep posting though
Lol.....well imagined and enacted. I almostimagined u and ur blog(in the laptop) talking to each other late in the night ....
Heh...very funny :)
Cho Chweeet! Yeaaaah, Sagnik's back...
hope u keep the promises u made.. wishing u and ur blog a happily ever after.. keep it coming!!
@anon-1 - wow! that's some good insight. and why does everybody assume that i am not with a woman - do i look that unappealing - nahiiiin!!

@kusum - oh i am the one who made those fiery ones - before knowing me they were all the coochie pocchie types :D

@rimi-pishi - how dare you use my blogspace as a place to show off your theatrical skills - shame on you !!!

@chandni - and a lot of ppl have commented in the past saying that a lot of ppl have made such posts - but your one is the BEST!!

@prometheus_unbound(rajorshi?) - i don't know who they are! so you are the one who has put me to shame :(

@m - every time you comment - i get so excited :D

@janani - definitely madam!

@mathura - we did :D and then she hugged me :)

alok - thank you thank you :)

@anon-2 - ???????

@sunshine - hey hey, the blog and me are just dating - no long term committment yet :D
great post! i find your blog very educational - no, seriously. i have never been in a relationship before, and i'm learning from the posts here. so welcome back, guruji. :)
I have that kind of relationship with my blog. How is it that a virtual relationship can make you feel almost as guilty as one with the living?

And, I swear I thought I was the only person in the world using this blog template :)
Nice to hv u back and almost killing your blog with diabetes ;), try a la Mr. and Mrs. approach next time
@chary - can you please send me some cash now - no seriously ;)

@amandrama - so we are blog template twins? nice!

@rohan - hey hey, what's over sweet for one is route to forgiveness for the other :)
Oh, so you show up after a zillion years and pretend like nothing happened! Men, I tell you! Thank God I don't trust men, or I would have mistaken your glib talk for earnestness! ;)

Welcome back!
Wow, that was drama, motion, tragedy huh?:) Very filmy! Well all the same, it was entertaining! Hope to see you blog more often.

sweet..loved it.

Did my last comment on ur previous blog...prompt you to write this blog :):)
Coochieee Pooochieeee

he he...

say that to a real life female when there is real life glug flowing... and you would either end up in a hospital ward, or have a very bad bump on ur head to attend to...

personal experience, I know...

nods head up and down gravely

and Dada, me thinks its high time u get a wife... glug and all... hee hee...
hee hee...someone's trying so hard to keep blog happy by answering every comment. But blog is very smart too. She will be watching you. Closely. For a very long time. Before she totally forgives you.
tsk tsk tsk...this is just the beginning of never ending series of fights! u better shape up or else... ;)

btw, ur so accurate abt women n their behavior...that it makes one wonder...*hint hint* ;)

good to have you back!
@qs - i thouhgt i posted the perfect apology - but then you com back with the perfect retort :(

@duhita - hey hey, i might not be the best blogger but i can sure try to be the most dramatic blogger :)

@anonymous - actually to be very true - yess, your comment was kind of the impetus to sit down and write the post :)

@junior - quite the expert on women you have become - i have nothing more to teach you - naaaaaaa!!!

@m - :) you know how the first few days after fights are like - right :D

@iksha - (a) i am NOT a woman (b) i really don't know much abt women - all the women who know me will vouch for that :)
hmmmm hmmmmm!!! now how dare u forget the 'best' friends of ur baby...tats me *tantan tadan... intro music* :D...wait wait let me talk to ur baby n give some of my xpert comments abt u to her ;);)...n dont u dare neglect the friends of ur baby! im sure u dont wanna land into some trouble coz of tat act of urs! *raises the hand n shakes it angrily at u* lol!!! ;)
have u thought of two-timing her? one for melodrama and for the spice , what say eh

am flattered! n now I have started admiring you n your writing :)

tell me, do you really have a galfriend?
Perfection is my forte...what to do???!!! ;)
LOL, the errant Nandy is back...keep in mind that some women hit back with verbal pow-wows and not with tears.
Very neat. You've obviously been through it.
Koto rongo dekhibo ei cyber duniyay! khub bhalo that you are back!
@xyz - don't even get me started on women and their best friends who hate everything abt their men - i have encountered the most vicious ones of the lot :((

@jhantu - he he :) i actually used to write another blog - anonymously - that was quite popular too - so to answer your question - yess, been there done that :D

@anonymously - :) *flattered* clearly you don't know me coz then you would know that admiration and my personality have never crossed paths :)

@qs-ji - perfect jawab :)

@ideasmithy - hey hey, verbal pow wow is fine - i have met women who take it one notch higher - where its there hand and your cheek talking :((

@aqc - been there, almost done that and thrown out - that's my story :)

@indro - shadhu shadhu!
yay! ur back!
Typo: I meant Mr. and Mrs. Smith, also you do realize route to forgiveness is very often seen as a sign of seting a precedent ;)
@ms.blue - i am surprised that you still read my blog - don't forget that you are a student of literature and this is just the kind of crass you should stay away from :)

@rohan - sometimes forgiveness can be rewarding - especially if you are an angry girl and there is a jewellery shop around the corner :)
Though the male perspective of The Fight disturbs me.
Man.. u write well.. :)
Came here from Gems's blog... should say its a nice post!:)
Written like a perfectly been-there-tried-that boyfriend.. :)
Blogs and girlfriends!!!! how did you manage to get this thought together???? amazing!
how amusing! please keep blogging. you owe it to us :)
Priceless:))...but can definitely detect some Karan Johar-drama!!:))
-The Conscience
@bridalji - ha ha! you would love that - wouldn't you :D

@smiling girl - more like been there and tried doing that :D

@panah - oh simple. blackmail more talented friends to write for me :)

@tweety - thanks :) most definitely willlll!

@anonymous - Kabhi Comment Kabhi Post?
I am a regular follower of your blog, but this happens to be my first comment here. Just wondering whether I could give you a suggestion for your next posting.. A desi version of the Ladder Theory ( http://www.ladderwiki.com ) ?? Would make an interesting read given your writing style, I guess :)
Blog-half demands some attention. No more comments reply sweet talk. We need something real. Tangible. Something called a new "post"
ha ha ..nice conversation!
Another quiet spell...! Just wrong...very wrong...like I said, I didn't trust the words in this post...they were just words..! ;) tchha!

And I am accused of trust issues...go figure!
Does man's solitary defense technique work all the time? In my case, my hubby fails to use it most of the time. Women are inquisitive and intuitive! Men should always take note of that. Be threatened!
there you go...u just make promises to ur blog to stop the fight. once its done, the promises vanish in air!
Men! All promises, no action. Bah!
Erm...you didn't happen to eavesdrop on my conversation with the hunny bunny did you...
@anon - thanks :) that was a nice read. will definitely write something similar very soon.

@m - ammends have already been made :)

@white forrest - thanks :)

@qs - posted new post already :)

@tin444444 - your hubby should talk to me - i have some ideas - he can try them on you and we can decide then if they are effective :D

@tweety and anon- ammends have been made already :)

@ph - yes i did. kya kar logey? bolo :D
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