Sunday, September 24, 2006

Of Bengalis and Dr. Know's Foe 

For people who've complained abt the lack of posts - here goes two at one go. If you are Bengali, then read on coz to appreciate (or rather abhor) my next few observations you have to be a Bengali. So the twelve Bengalis who read this blog, can continue reading, while the remaining sixteen please listen to this boring podcast on the man with steel balls that can do tricks.

So I went to a true blue Bengali gathering after a looooong time. I didn't know too many people there and hence I spent a lot of time observing the people around me. It soon occurred to me that there are some things that happen in almost every Bengali gathering that are very very amusing.

1. Every fifteen minutes the men disappear in one corner together and light up a smoke. Seriously. I joke with my dad that the one thing which is characteristic of Bengalis around the World is their love for chemistry. I've never seen a university anywhere in the World whose Chemistry Department doesn't have a Bengali professor. It's like the universities have a Bengali professor quota or something. From Bombay to Budapest - there is a Bengali professor in every Chemistry department in every university. But then I digress. My point being, if there's any other stereotype that I'll put Bengali men in, after their love for Chemistry, it has to be their love for the cigarette (which is ironic given I don't smoke). Bengalis are voracious smokers and by voracious I don't mean "light one cig after another" smokers. By voracious I mean "come I'll show you freakin magic tricks with my cigarette freakin talented" smokers. So in all these Bengali gatherings the men excuse themselves periodically and light up a cig. Has anybody else noticed this?

2. The next thing is very very annoying, Will Bengali men please stop referring to wives as "Missus". It sound very strange when one man asks another one "Is that your missus?" What's wrong with "Is that your wife?" "Ota ki apnar stri?" etc. Someday when I'm married (which seems eleven years away right now) I want someone to ask me - "Is that your missus?" just so that I can answer back saying, "No, I'm a man of cheap morals. That lady is actually my miss and my neighbor's missus."

While on the topic of people asking "Is that your misses", there's another thing I want to request. If you see a child with a couple, I think it is safe to assume that is is THEIR child. So why (and it's not just Bengalis who do this) ask them "Is that your son?". No. That is not my son. I bring other people's sons with me for occasions and then make them sit on my lap. Obviously if a lady, who has put on three and a half tons of make up, is allowing a child anywhere close to her saree - be rest assured that it IS her child.

3. Note: This is the part that is most Bengali and any non-Bengali who has read on till here will feel completely out of place now. So be warned.

What's this with Bengali wives standing next to the door, seeing ppl enter, and then saying "Oma Topoti di - tumi ekhon eley?" "Oma Rijuda tomra ei matro eley" (roughly translated to - oh!!! you guys just came in?" What are they thinking? You see them walk in so OBVIOUSLY they just came in. Duh! What answer are you expecting from the twelve and a quarter killo ornament wearing lady? That she'll say "No. We fooled you. We were actually hiding behind the door for an hour and chose to enter just now. Gotccha!"???

All Bengalis, especially dad, who are offended after reading this post - forgive me plish!


very funny :D :D
Hey, that Missus thing happens in most of the rural places.. so leave the Bongs alone.. :)

ROFL @ 3rd point.. :)
Awesome...as always!
1. Smoking probably goes with the appearance of intellectualism. Think of the French ! As for Chemistry - and I would add Economics too - perhaps credit PC Roy (and very good Presidency Chem/Eco Depts) with that ?

2. As someone pointed out - this is probably true of many other Indians. What about the other way around...wives calling their husbands "Eije...shunchho...." !

3. LOL @ this one....especially considering the famed Bengali tardiness.
After god alone knows how many yrs of gult/pseudo gultish teachers/lecturers.. imagine my horror when in my first class in BITS walks in a tiny man in a dhoti(!) nd chatters endlessly about @$*&!#! later i found out he was discussing chemistry! sp gupta.. sk saha.. rn roy.. the list wud just never end :((

I can add one more very typical bong behaviour(one nightmarish experience frm AEP booth comes to mind :() - if two(or more) bongs are in a place they speak only in bong (n really loud too) irrespective of who is arnd or where they are!!!
I had actually said (very very loudly at that too...) when some one asked me "Eijey sunny... ekhon eley?"

with a retort:

"Naa... etaa aamar 3 d image, aami asholey ekhon mongolgrohey boshey achi..."

roughly translated to "No, this is my 3 d image... I am actually sitting on freaking Mars..."
ROFL....brilliant observations and bang on every point. Loved this. So what was this? A pre-Pujo meet up?
I am no Bengali, but I am truly offended that you put only bengali's into these lots. Tamilians also do the "Oh come, come, are you coming just now..." and the Misurs thing " Oh where is your Misurs.." " Was that little boy/girl your son/daughter? My..How have they grown. And then th worst thing they would do is look up and down at the said man kinda like saying hmm..wonder where he got his genes from?. Have you also noticed how there is always atleast one telegu personin the computer science dept and one tamil person in medical sciences.
mqozj@soo - thank you :D

@tsg - how did you even understand the third point without being a bong???

@aparna - thank you :)

@bongopondit - oh i have had a very embarrassing experience with ogo shuncho as a kind when i told a school teache rthat my dad's name is shuncho :))

@akanksha - while the bits chemistry dept is thronging with bongs - spg surprisingly is NOT a bong - even though he looks and dresses like one :D

@junior - cheeh cheeh. oshobbhyo cheley!!

@the great m - this was actually a Puja celebration which was wonderful :)
Thanks a lot Sagnik. You have finally answered my questions like ... what would the next generations movies be like, what kinda movies would my grand children watch, and the likes.
I would actually encourage you to spread this talent around...open a movie direction school!
well.. he's as incomprehensible as the rest! so i assumed he was a non bong who had lived in bongland :D

ye batao.. u knew all along u were gonna work in google?

(its like reading a 'nice' book.. and actually being able to ask the author everything u wanted to :D)

ok this is the third time i'm being asked for the word verification! don't tell me u've already blocked me.. that stage comes after 3 months usually!
Most of things you said apply to Indians all over. Not just Bongs. I am offended that you try to steal the credit. :-)
11 years to your marriage! May I know how you arrived at that? Why not 10? Or 15?
I cannot believe you missed out "Ogo... shunchho?" The 'modern'-woman version I hear is "Aye, shunchho!"

But you're such a dreadful misogynist and evil exaggerator, ishhh! Three kilos of make-up and and twelve and a half tons of jewellery? Apologise to the women too. Ekkhuni. Or we'll tell your mum.
@tweety - so would you be interested in putting in some money for this movie - in return i will offer you the role of james bond - deal??

@akanksha - i hoped ofr a long time that i will work for them - GOD has been kind :)

@jinguchakka - i apologize to all Indian races that i have not offended and give them my word that i will offend each one of them personally to make up for this act :)

@rimi-aunty - (that sounds so trendy) - ogo shuncho - mistake hoye gechey??
Oh please.. for that you dont have to be a Bong... Basic common sense.. :D, Moreover it happens in our community also... :)
What I find really weird at a lot of desi gatherings is the men on one side, and the women "folk" on the other!!! What's up with that???

I didn't realize ppl still used missus to refer to their wives... I know uncles back home would say that...hehehe - the tradition continues...

funny post... :)
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Duh! I don't have to put money into it. The talent would earn for itself...didnt I mention about opening a school??? use the fee to make the movie.
And thanks for the offer but I am already booked for "Lizard Woman"
Good-good. Having spent a good deal of my life in Malluland, which, as everybody does (or should) know, shares quite a few things with Bengal, I think I can relate.
Dude...if there ever was/is a masala movie...that is most definitely a James Bond movie. Come on....those are badshah of cliches, with unrealistically cool gadgets, law defying acts. And desis complain if Rajni shoots a bullet in half (rolling my eyes)

Hmm...given that it is Bond...James Bond.....he has an intrinsic radar for hot females, plus, it would spoil his image:D
BTW sharad shubhechha to you sagnik!
Hats off to ur observation!
i dont really think that 'missus' thing is only found in bengalis..........
When is this Bond movie releasing? I have been missing them!
BTW - who plays Bond??
Hahahahaha! I agree, "ogo shuncho" is missing. And what about "aamaar mister aito paaji..."
Loved this post! Sruck the right chords. Chaliye jao guru! I am puting you on my blogroll!
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