Monday, September 18, 2006

Whose side are you on? 

This is a post close to my heart. I've seen various variants and sides of this topic and consider myself an authority on this issue. Even now ,when other people face similar issues, they contact me for my invaluable advice on this front. Yeah baby, I'm that good :) So what am I talking abt? The answer to the all important question of - whose side do you take when a couple that you know breaks up!!!

A seemingly simple question. Raj and Simran were your friends. You knew them for a while. You shared dinner with them, went for the stray movie and indulged in the dream of every Californian a.k.a A Yosemite trip, with both of them. And then one day you hear the news. "Hey, whats up with Raj?" you ask a friend. "Welllll," he begins. You know that any well as deep as a watery well means only one thing ... Raj and Simran have broken up. Raj calls her a slut and Simran feels that Raj doesn't know how to treat a woman. So they do not hang out together anymore. So whose side do you take now???? Sounds like a very simple question on the surface but experience tells me that there is more to it than meets the eye. Hence we shall analyze.

For men who are single, the answer is simple ... very simple. Do not waste your time any further. For all you know, you are already late. Call up Simran instantly. "Hey, I heard abt you guys. I'm sorry ... loooooong pause. Wanna go out for dinner sometime?" No seriously. If you are a guy and you have always wondered which of the numbers in your address book actually deserve the space they occupy - just break up with your girl friend (though that'll be a terrible reason for a break up and I'd much rather have you say - it's not me, it's you"). Before you know half the people you thought were your friends will disappear. "What Raj did was not right" ... "Raj was never serious abt you" ... "He has gotten over you. I think I saw him with this other girl" Raj would hear. Single men are like the lion who performs the trick with the goat in the circus in the ringmaster's presence. They seem friendly ... BUT let the ringmaster disappear and then it's a different story altogether baby!!

For women it is simple too. They divide themselves into two groups. Group one, who instantly reach the girl's house with sympathy in their bags and offer it in generous doses in return for gossip. "You can do much better Simran," she would say. "So just out of curiosity ... you did not sleep with him, right?" You have no idea how vulnerable women are in moments of a break up. A simple hug and approval of their decision would get payback in secrets so harmful for the guy that he would spend the next three years fighting crazy rumors abt himself.

The second group of women are those who might actually be interested in Raj. But women are very different from men in this department. They would never leave a friend to hopelessly flirt with a guy. First they would gather all the information on the guy. Find out if he is even worth the attempt. Once they have their dirt in place, they'll approach the guy with more information than he can handle. "You don't want to know Raj what Simran has been saying abt you. I mean, come on, I don't know you guys but ... but ... well forget it." "No tell me," Raj would insist. "No I can't. I was not even supposed to know this ..." "No tell me". This request will go on for a while and will pave way for a first dinner date. Ah! Such a wonderful scheme.

The trickiest situation arrises for the couples though. All couples have these "couple friends" with whom they indulge in "coupley" things like double dates where the number of credit cards used to pay the bill are half the number of attendees. These couples don't fall into any of the above categories. Some of them will just let go of both Raj and Simran. They never meant anything to them. It was never abt the individuals but the two together. They don't want a single whining man or a sobbing woman with them. They'd rather be making out in a movie theatre by themselves. So they'll offer the customary "I'm sorry" phone call and slowly distance themselves (only to reappear when Raj starts dating Nisha). Then there's the other couple where the guy might just have a little interest towards Simran. He always liked her but stayed away coz of Raj. But now with Raj gone he might want to re-evaluate the situation again. Trust me, his girl friend will protect him from Simran more than Bappi Lahiri ever protected his foreign CD collection. She'll make sure that Simran never crosses their path till she has one of Raj's loser friends with her again.

It is however toughest for couples where the guy was a genuine good friend of Raj and the girl sincerely cared for Simran. They would be in a soup literally. They would try to talk both of them into reconsidering their decisions. They would try to throw a party and invite both of them to it. They would wait for fifteen days and try again. And after every attempt they would exchange notes - "Has Simran said anything?" "IS Raj ready to apologise?" etc.

- Written by Couple Dev Nikhanj on 18th September, 2006.

Arey waah.. kya analysis hain! Jai ho aapki Nikhanj ji.. :)

Aapne to bola nahi - what do you do in such a situation? Wht kind of a guy r u? Interested in Simran? or Genuine friend of Raj? ;)
Then there are friends who lend you a sympathetic ear, and let you heal! :)

BTW, why are all the women you know so wicked??? ;) Which applies to you - Birds of a feather flock together, or opposites attract??? :D

Raj and Simran lived happily ever after, if I am to believe Yash uncle... :) Stop spreadings rumors...!
i'm bored n i intend to flirt! heard you're good at this.. gimme ur mail id :)
@the-smiling-girl - my friends, unlike me are nice people (chah). they do not break up with their girl friends and even get married early - nothing to do for me :((

@qsg - oh yes, wicked woman are very nice people. i was just telling my mom "ke, if everybody is searching for good girls i think the untapped potential lies with the bad ones" :D

@anon - aiyyo! stop it! stop it! i am embarrassed. my email id is not much of a secret - Google it and you will get it. P.S. I learn flirting from "Flirting 101 - a lay man's guide to being a laid man". It is a very nice book and highly recommended.
you know I have noticed that one of the characters in your posts is always named "RAJ". Are you interested in Raj?
Oh yeah...talk about caught between a rock and a hard place:)

As I see it, there are three choices -
1, Plan stuff with each one of them, so that they don't have to see each other.

2, If they can stand each other, go together as a group with another two added. But make sure its not awkward.

3, Dump both of them.

I am sure, you know that you should avoid being their ears and should stop them from bad mouthing each other to you.:))

Need more help, Dial H for help:))

The Conscience
me's the anon who'd asked for ur id. IMed u a while back. go check in case u haven't already!
you know what! "Couple Dev Nikhanj" cracked me up more than the entire post. Infact the post is dead right and damn serious. Nothing funny.
Wot lies! Raj starts seeing Pooja, NOT Nisha. I saw them together!

Also, you just missed the last case. Where Woman II was genuinely interested in Raj and Man II in Nisha. Vottya, you've not seen 'let's get together and break 'em up' movies?

And of course, this is only covering the HETEROSEXUAL aspect...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
@anon - na na - its not the raj but the rani that i am interested in!!

@anon 2 - very true :) btw, H boley to???

@anon 3 - i added you and proposed marriage and children already - lemme know which one you want first :D

@jingu - i was being very serious - couple d nikhanj never jokes :D

@rimiboudi - how? how? how? does a toddler like you know so much abt relationships???
ke, if everybody is searching for good girls i think the untapped potential lies with the bad ones

Great strategy! As they say, good girls, are, well, good, the bad girls are better! Keep us posted! :D
Hurray!!You have finally won the World Cup for Coupling theory.
Hey not at all bad superficial analysis of such situations. Although its funny!
@qsg - the bad girls are the ones who make the good girls look good - so give them their due credit, will ya??

@manchus - chah! the humble me wanted to keep that news a secret and you had to let it out here!!!

@pallavi - thanks :)
Nicely put.. I'd just hate to be caught between a feuding couple or one who just broke-up..
I think this is a very precarious situation. Another factor that comes into calculation is who's friend you were to begin with, and how many "Extended" friends you will lose should you decide to pick a side. Tread carefully, i am saying. :)
Like the bull in the milking shed, your policy should be "What the hell, screw them all!"
And then you realise it's an artificial insemination centre. With donors. Uncoupling never looked so good!
In general, the fewer couples the easier life is.
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