Sunday, November 19, 2006

Take a step back!! 

Update 1: Backups are a unisex concept, i.e. all the things that I mentioned about male backups hold true for a female backup as well. It is just painful to write man/woman, or boy/girl-friend across a post. To all the people who thought that I was saying that only men are backups - duh!

Update 2: There are some really hostile comments in the comment space. I find them very funny. Please take some time to read them. Someone has addressed me as man-child - that is so cool :D :D

So we all know the boy friend. He's the sweet guy who gets you popcorn in the middle of the movie and also gets to put his arm around you for the rest of the movie. He's also the guy with the highest probability of getting electrocuted if he forgets your birthday. We all know him. We also know the guy who stands no chance whatsoever. The guy who was whisked away with the line "Sorry, I don't think of you that way." The guy who called you three times and you didn't even care to return one of those calls or even make an excuse to why you ushered such behavior on him. We all know him too. But then there's a third category. A somewhat hush hush and lesser discussed one - that of the backup (oft referred to as a stand by in India).

Society doesn't like to talk much abt backups. The same father who once shrieked with the line "Women in our house don't go out with guys" and has now finally acquiesced into letting the apple of his eye get bitten and chewed by her biker lover, still maintains that "Women of this house don't have backups". Coz let's face it - backups are like comfortable night suits - it's great to have one (or maybe even more than one) but it's not something you want to flaunt in public.

So why even have a backup, you ask? Coz backups have many uses. They can be asked for sudden favors. Remember the day when your boyfriend had a meeting and you didn't have someone to pick you up from college? The backup gallantly escorted you back home in the cab and did not let you continue with the fake act of "I'll pay for my half of the fare" - remember that? Or remember the time when you needed someone to go and pick up the dress you had given for dry cleaning and the backup jumped in to say "Oh, the Dry Cleaners are on my way to work"? Or the time the backup actually spent more on your birthday gift than your actual man luvvah did? So face it, backups provide tremendous utilitarian value. They also come with excellent shoulders that they offer whenever it's asked for. "Raj has gone out with his friends again. These days he behaves very differently ..." that's all the backup needs to hear. You don't even need to dangle a carrot for him. Just tell him that you have a carrot and that you might use it some day and he'll come running around. Not only will he offer you sympathy abt Raj and his meandering ways, he'll support and instigate you and make you realize that there are plenty of other fish in the ocean and all you have to do is leave the shark you are with right now. Oh, how sweet. And let's not forget the greatest value add a backup provides. That of being the rebound guy. We all know how bad the first few days of break ups can be. When both parties use third parties to find out if the the first parties have moved on and are partying. Use the backup wisely then and stick it up to your man ladies. The backup is just like adopting a five year old child. You get an instant child and it comes potty trained too. Wohoooo!

But it is not all easy to maintain a backup. It's quite the tough job I'd say. Coz, face it, no man wants to be a backup by choice. It's like being the ball boy in Wimbledon. You are right in the middle of the action but then you don't get any action yourself. So one has to provide the backup with ample incentives. You can't afford to not return calls to your backup like you would do for a "cast away". You can do that for a few calls but you have to take control of your act before the backup backs out. SO for every five phone calls he makes, you have to return at least three. You can however, then use excuses like "I'm really sleepy" or "My father is getting angry" to curtail the conversations. That's fine.

The backup also has to be given hope every now and then of a possible promotion. He should always believe that he is thiiiiis close to landing the plum job. You have to make him feel that he's doing an internship - that a good display of workmanship will eventually elevate him to a permanent status soon. For this you have to do one of two things - (i) go out just with him on what almost feels like a date every now and then and/or (ii) sprinkle occasional sordid stories of how you are not completely happy with your current man. Never (and by never I mean N.E.V.E.R) heap praises for your boyfriend in front of the backup. Bottom line, even though the back up is a tasty dish, you have to remember that there's no free lunch!!

Finally, a word of caution for all the ladies - One backup is great. Two is tolerable too. But be cautious when you over indulge in backups. A close friend was once part of a quartet of backups. And then one day all four met. They soon figured out that they were all competing for the same position (that kinda sounds kinky). Verbal battles were fought and before anyone knew it - ALL FOUR resigned from their job. The girl in question now has to actually pay for the cab rides herself on week days when the boy friend is out for work. So remember, that too many cooks spoil the dish ... especially when the dish is hot!


Backup - A must-have for every girl!
U know what, I never even returned 3 to 5 calls for my backups.. they just hung on no-matter-what! :D.. So u just cant generalize yaar... some backups are too sweet!

*reminds me of those wonderful single days, when I could manage backups!*

Btw, this post rocks as always!
now now now!!! im not gonna write 'oh! g8 post' or something like that here :)...there r so many girls who r very steady with their bfs who DO NOT have backups...n also some girls who r tooo cute(mabbe like me....lol...fine ill stop here....modesty is my middle name u see :D) who dont actually need a backup :)....so the moral of the comment is many girls r NOT the way u mentioned in the post....so dont u dare generalise...now mr.nandy u shud learn to respect n appreciate women a little more! :):)
Dont under estimate the power of backups. Have been replaced twice by those damn backups. Maybe this time I should also try the back door entry (no pun intended:))
Ah, tragic this entire back-up routine is.
I mean, some people get all the choices and some just remain one of the choices. This also explains why some women shall be terminally single, because some man who would be perfect for her is busy being Plan B or worse being Plan A when he is actually not even part of teh plan! Damn the opportunity cost!
Pity that women don’t care too much about being the BUP aka Back Up Person! :)
Totally agree with Vin. Have had the same misfortune of the Backup replacing me once.

BTW as usual maestro you outshine even Maugham in your observation of "Mice & Men".
Hmm interesting. So how many times did you play the BUB (Back Up Boy)role to have had so much gyan on that subject? Now that'd be an interesting info!!
Am I to believe that your Sis reads this blog? Coz chances would then be that the Backups might then too, which wouldn't then make you too helpful of a brother, would it?
Three "thens" in a single sentence - how horrible Inglis I have!
@tsg - :) ah look at yo utake pride in what you did. but then you have been kind to me and i forgive you on behalf of all men :D

@xyz - oh come on. this was supposed to be a unisex post i.e. "you can easily replace all usees of the term boy friend with girl friend" and the post will still hold true ... how abt a caption like:
"No matter if you are a lad or lady,
Backups are used by everybody"??

@vin - aaaah! i know what you mean. see that is what makes the backup position so coveted. you let the main guy make the mistake and then just take up his job :)

@primalsoup - i totally agree. i think we should start a service where we match make 'tween all backups and totally single folks ... or have a service where we can find potential backups for people - what say??

@PU - well sorry for you too :( and thanks :)

@tweety - thankfully i've never played the backup but on the other hand i've had to battle some A grade backups myself in the past :D

@REM - wow! how did you know that i drew some inspiration from my sis and her friends .. how Chintu how????? (shakes him by the shoulder)
So misogynistic for such a young lad. To fully embrace a female can bring profound passion, growth and wealth. You should be too busy working hard, loving and laughing with her to worry about back ups. Live life, love women, and let the seasons of love flourish. You have no business critizing your woman's friends. If you loved women, you would take pride in associating with women so confident, independent and in control of their destinies. Clearly women are objects to you, and something to be acquired and controlled. If things end with a female you have surrendered to, be grateful for the better man you are from having loved. Such a foolish man-child you are.
If u think you've dissected every woman on earth, think again.. You are a chutiya philosopher.
The post was worth quite a few laughs! Definitely, you deserve a much better break than what these anon guys (or girls) are giving you! As for anti-feminist / offensive content, I believe the stuff you have posted doesn't match even 1% of what Borat has! (Now, that could be the seed for another post of yours!)
Ha hahaa.... and then they talk of RAID ("Redundant" "Array" of .... ) backups :D :D

And I wouldn't have read the comments but for your updates! What is your backup count, BTW? :D
@anon1 - for starters, i have said nothing abt me and backups :) next, as i pointed out in my post - backups are not female specific, men indulge in them too. next, as far as a man child is concerned - i think i am still just a child. thanks for complimenting and adding the man part - you are kind :)

@anon2 - :O don't you know that children read this blog too!!! such language will totally spoil them - cheeh cheeh ;)

@ganesh - thanks a lot man :)

@sudipta - oh why did you have to remind me now of computer storage :))
Wethinx Evil Nandy needs his head cleaned out. We have never met any of the aforementioned back-up guys!!! We have a strong, unshakeable belief in the superhuge male EEEEGO and also in the basic evilness of men to believe that they could be that willing to lay it all aside (not their clothes, dodo...their ego!) for a woman.

We wonders, has Nandy been anyone's back-up guy? And is he interested in applying for the same position elsewhere?
And for furthur details plizz refer to http://xxfactor.wordpress.com/2006/11/21/flirt-o-holic/

End of shameless self-promotion.
i think the one who called u "manchild"..is a frustrated bitch who doesnt have a permanent guy nor a backup..basically an icecube with a hole!!
Backups don't exist in my part of the world....or do I just not know abt it?? :( Bummer!
fine! u r defn smart mr.nandy :)...or else how can anyone even cover up or defend himself in such smart ways...if it were a unisex post u cud hv mentioned abt girl backups used by guys throughout the post...y didnt u do that? :)n now dont say again 'whats there in that...its still a unisex post' n stuff!!! even if it were one u shud hv put up a P.S saying that first itself n NOT now after everybody hv found the fault in ur post!:):)...
Aaah...so all those guys who help out and answer freaked out phone calls in the middle of the night are not what they claim to be - great friends who care for me? They have ulterior motives?

Men... you can never trust anything they tell you!

Tchha! X-(
@ideasmith - now moi all confused here - are you taking my side or are you just criticizing all men :D

@anonymous - an icecube is kinda cool :P

@duhita - now which part of the World would that be madam??

@xyz - i think i have asked this question eleven thousand two hundred and fourteen times in the past - why exactly aren't you a lawyer??

@xyz - have you never heard the age old line "ek ladka ladki kabhi dost nahiin ho saktey hai Suman" :)
But alas, the back-ups seldom remain content to stay that way. Sooner or later they get nasty and demanding and aggrieved and bitter and want promotions and then must be reluctantly rejected.

To counter which, one must cultivate a constant flow of back-ups and keep them in storage in several stages of readiness. Smart, huh?
I just thought of something which I have observed. A girl (and no this is not a unisex comment) will have a backup if she has a boyfriend. Coz once you have a boyfriend, a backup is much more helpful for her pursuits rather than a boyfriend.
xyz obsession it seems! ;)
I am a first timerhere...and already it looks like am a "child in a new school" here....
btw cool post...and the as you said too many cooks spoil the dish...But no cook can eat his own dish...he only garnishes it for the 'guest' to hog on..the guest being the GF/BF...

anonymous commentators backed up for long for the "hot dish" but in the end they only managed to have some gruel and they are puking it on nandy's comment page :):)
Thanks accepted with grace and modesty.. :D
Btw, nice comments yaar... thanks for the update that I didnt miss them! :D
Abhi jaldi se Anon commenters (as Sayesha calls them MAC - Mean Anon COmmenters) par ek post likh do... :D.. Some more fun will come! :D
a very good read, this is not discussed openly at all, not even with your best friends but its always in your mind, and you could write it very well, in your style.
All your blogs are written with flare and i really enjoy reading them.
People should lighten up!!! That was a good post. And if you do have two back ups (as I do), have them in different countries so that their chance meeting will never happen:)

-The Conscience
I found the post hilarious. Well, you were right the comments are even more entertaining than the post. LMAO.
- Gigo
@The M Map - greed i tell you :D

@kausum - i totally agree. backups are like good trailers, while bfs are bad movies :(

@qsg - kyun sg? kyun? :D

@cardamom - thanks a lot man :) that was a really neat analogy, that you threw up :)

@tsg - seriously, am gonna come up with a post on these anon commenters next!!

@risha - thanks a lot :)

@conscience - i knew some day the conscience will back me up - i just knew it!! :)

@gigo - posts for me are just an excise to get the creative commenters into action :)
Enjoyed reading this.
this post is hilarious! and its true too ... the dark side of Stanley Ipkiss (and er... Bridget Jones) ...
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