Saturday, April 14, 2007

No Kidding! 

Me and Hemo were having our standard "once a week movie catch up" session and today's topic was kids in Hindi movies. We both agreed that we hated Hindi movie kids. They are disgusting. Yeah, we both liked Masoom and I think the kids in Mr. India did a great job too but barring these handful of exceptions most Hindi movie kids are as pleasing to my senses as someone dressed in red and yellow polka dots with a silver tuxedo is.

For starters, Hindi movie kids are way too wise. I think it might be my lack of intelligence but these kids are way wiser than their age and always have a lot of knowledge to impart. And you know where all this knowledge comes from? Yup! Their over pious folks who were either (i) separated from them at birth or (ii) killed or (iii) never paid their remuneration and hence chopped off from the script even before they appeared. Hence it is always either "Meri maaa kehti thi ke sab log blah blah" or "Mere papa kehtey thein ke har insaan blah blah ..." You know what my dad told me and my sister as kids? "Don't mess with other kids. Chances are they'll kick your ass. And if they do I won't defend you coz chances are their parents will kick my ass" My mom was a tad bit more protective. Every activity of my childhood was peppered with the one advice of being careful lest I get kidnapped. "You are going to play cricket? Don't play with anyone you don't know. It might be a kidnapper" "You are going to your aunt's house. Don't eat anything anybody else gives you. You might be kidnapped." Come on mom. It's our aunt's house. We'll go in the car with you and come back the same way - so unless you want to kidnap us - I'd say we are pretty safe. So you can imagine why I hate Hindi film kids all the more - coz I can't share no "Meri maa kehti hai" advice coz the line "Meri maa kehti hai ke beta kidnap mat hona" is not the best line for an adult conversation.

Next comes the songs. How come every freakin family in Hindi movies has a family song. As a kid everytime I sang, my mom would gently rub my hair and nod sadly, accepting that indeed the musical talent was missing. Sometimes she would add "Don't sing too much. You might get kidnapped ..." Arrrrgh. Seriously, I don'y even remember us singing the Indian National Anthem together as a family, forget any "yaadon ki baraat" type trip down memory lane.

And finally all the Hindi movie kid romance. Yeah sure. Every time I see a movie where they show two kids share an innocent childhood lovey dovey moment I get yukked out. Remember the 80s when kids would fall in love in their childhood itself, get separated and then grow up and actually find their childhood love (Betaab, Disco Dancer), or the 90s when kids would innocently hold hands and occasionally peck each other's cheek (Kuch Kuch Hota Hai) - a trend that seems to be continuing even now (Honeymoon Travels). Yeah sure!!! As a kid my parents sent me to an all boy's school. I was told if I talk to girls I'll "have a baby" - a thought that I thought was true till I left school. By then all my classmates had talked to multiple girls and some of them I think even had babies (hmmm, so maybe my parents were right).

So yes. You might shed a tear when the obnoxious kid from KKHH holds on to SRK's hand and says "tusi naa jao". You might even say a "cho chueet" to make the moment even more gooey but all I can think of then is "Tusi jao and saath mein in saarey bacchon ko bhi le ke jao".

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hahah.. i totally agree.. the kids drive me nutso..
also, welcome back :) its been a while.. :)
LOL...that's a genuine Nandy-gem of a post, if I ever read one! May I ask why you've been so stingy with your appearances on the blog? Come back, I miss my nemesis!!!!!!!!!
'Meri maa kehti hai, train mein kisi se biscuit mat lena!'

-- yeah am 24 :(
Disappointed that Dakota Fanning got no mention in this post! She takes the cake, the pudding, and the smile from everyone's face for being the most irritating kid evah!
'I was told if I talk to girls I'll "have a baby" ' - goshhhhh! thank heavens its not a fact. if that were to be true, wht wud hav been the fate of the pleasure seekers!!!

@wiseling - but its better to be driven nutso by kids than to drive around kids who are nuts

@smihty girl - oh i was not gone - was just giving blogosphere some respite :)

@current cynic - biscuit choro - meri maa train lene se hi manaa karti thi :D

@qsg - its her teeth - they scare the crap out of me i tell u :)

@i7 - what pleasure? which seekers? :P
LOL...sagnik bhaag ja nahi to tu kidnap ho jayega.:P
Long awaited post!!! Guess you took a looooooooooong slumber.

When your parents said 'I was told if I talk to girls I'll "have a baby" '
Did they mean you will get pregnant like Arnie?? !!!!

Just curious :)
I so completely agree with you on this one. The very essence of a kid is his innocence. I wonder why a concept so simple is so misunderstood by our film directors :)
@pallavi - trust me my parents tried that - they left me in a mall by myself hoping some kind will take me away - a few hours later the mall authorities dropped me back :D

@manchus - in my house we barely spoke abt actual birds and bees - forget talking abt this variety :)

@prerna - totally agree. just thinking abt the kids from hum hai rahi pyaar ke makes me go arrrrrgghhhh!!
so u must be having soooo mannnyyy babies till now! do u keep count of them? ;)
For a post like this I don't mind the long long silence :)
You are absolutely one of the best bloggers.As weird as it sounds half the time I was laughing so hard my stomach hurt.
@xyz - yeah sure. i have barely ever called anyone a "baby" - let alone having one :)

@m - and for a comment like that i dont mind writing a post like this :)

@jouty - and you are absolutly one of the best commenters -btw, what does jouty mean???
hillarious !!
certainly one of the best posts !!
So true! My mom said the same thing about not getting kidnapped and dad used to say the same thing about not getting into a mess.!
From all the news...I got from Sagnik Jr ...
Are you planning for Jr. Sagnik ?? :P

At least you'll never come across a 9yr (or whtever the age was) girl trying to find the lost love for her dad... "dad..am getting u married...lets go n check out some"
@anon - thank you :)

@pilgrim - i knew i had a long lost sibling - and now i have found him/her :)

@debalina - havent you heard rumors that you should not listen to rumors??? :D
Oh! You forgot about that cliched Mela where put some tatoos and then by cruel chance of fate, we lost of our ways and today we meet once more!
this stuff is really funny!!! especually this line -- Sometimes she would add "Don't sing too much. You might get kidnapped ..."

real funny! keep writing!
- Gypsy
and I hope u remember Fanaa's Rehan - "Rehan aap se jitna pyaar karta hai, utna pyaar aap Rehan se nahin karte"

Yeah, movie kids are oversmart. Dakota and Rehaan are the worst. Few notable exceptions IMO are Apu and Durga, Mukul, Christian Bale in Empire of the Sun and Jugal Hansraj in Masoom.
"Don't sing too much. You might get kidnapped ..."

Im supposed to be working , but reading your blog post-lunch+cup of coffee -->out of the world!
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Simply hilarious!
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