Sunday, July 29, 2007

Dance with me baby ... won't you dance with me tonight ... 

Aaaah. I repeat myself. Another visit to a night club and another post about the all familiar sights. Only this time, the event was an Indian one and hence the sights were radically different. And no, I'm not saying that because the DJ, after a round of expletives and "Are u ready for some rocking music" roars, finally unleashed a Himesh crooning. That was hardly what made the night in an Indian party different. It was the characters who flooded the dance floor that made the Indian flavor of the night stand out and boy did they entertain me. And this was the second time in a month that I noticed this. You spot them once, they are probably an anomaly. You spot them twice and I smell a trend. So here's to them and here's to them ...

1. Twenty's a crowd.

Those who thought three's a crowd, think again. People from my generation who learnt about singular and plural from the DD spot of "ek anek" would love to see anek single Indian men in groups in these parties. Now don't get me wrong. All night clubs have single people. For some that is the whole reason for hitting the clubs. Get one and get some - that's there hope. For that they come armoured with button opened shirts, an over dose of cologne, money to buy drinks to all and sundry and a shiny pack of protection. Sometimes, the quintessential wingman accompanies them too. But in Indian parties the scene is very very different. We are no longer talking of A wingMAN, we are talking abt a freakin army of wings. A group of twenty single men???? What were they planning, an orgy fest?? And boy do they dance. Groups of men assume roles of women and play the female fiddle to the beats as the remaining men churn out manly moves. Then then pause, laugh, elbow each other, nudge and point out women who had dared to show a little more skin than others and then swap roles of men and women and continue their dance routines. Seriously, if you have no idea how scary this image might be, imagine this with me - ten men playing Madhuri Dikshit, as a remixed version of Chaney Ki Khet Mein blasts. Bad enough for you? No. Well then imagine three shirt opened heavily moustached, libido oozing Indian naujawan playing Helen and sizzling to Piya Tu Ab to Aaa Jaaa. Duh! Why do you think Piya is nowhere to be found. Grrrrrr!!

2. The Desi Dude.

It's all about contrasts. After the anek lets shift the focus back to the ek. Singleton rules. There are some self proclaimed dudes in the desi parties who were major studs in their hometown of Bhulbhulaiya. The same guy who had perverted uncles repeatedly pressing his cheeks in family gatherings with lines like "Arrey, he looks just like a young Dharmenderrr". So Dharmenderr grew up believing all Hemas are waiting for him round the corner but never reaffirmed his claims. The same guy who always thought he has all female attention focused on him but never actually spoke to a girl. He normally has a look; a look that he thinks does best to his chiseled profile. That with the gel. That with the shirt tucked in carefully only on one side. That with the collar raised. Seriously, the guy wearing the obnoxious green shirt last night - if you are reading this (which I doubt because reading this would involve, errrr, reading), you have no idea how many times I had the urge to just go and pull down your collar, especially because you looked extremely uncomfortable in it, tilting your head at a strange angle to avoid the collar from acting as a capillary tube to your dripping sweat. Yanyways, I digress. So there are these dudes who position themselves in various parts of the club, buy the one drink for the night and just stand and there and sip it. I like that abt them. They do not make moves. They are not there to pick up women. They just stand and look at women and give a nod stating "I know you think I am hot". Then they turn towards the towering mirror and go through the checklist - collar - up, chiselled Zoolander look - there, twisted neck angle - there and return to identifying unsaid fans from the audience.

3. Uncle and Aunty - ahoy.

Please. Please. Please. And in case that aint enough for you - a fourth pretty please. Can you please stop wearing sarees to night clubs. The saree is less sorry if it is an Indian Mela. It is ok if it's Patel Bhai's daughter's birthday and you want to look all traditional. But wearing a saree (and no, not the chic ones but more like a bridal one) to an event where the DJ is called Percussion is just WrOnG with a capital W O and G. I mean there were some young ones dancing last night who made me feel old but then when I spotted the throng of uncle jis and aunty jis doing the jhatkas and the matkas, I felt like a toddler and almost felt guilty being in a club instead of getting my homework done. Seriously did you have to take the ChaCha part of One Two Cha Cha Cha literally. Also, I would like to add to this list the newly wed wives who HAVE to wear a salwar with way too many bangles adorning them to prove their nouveau married status. I mean come on, I am happy that you found someone to dance to your tunes but do you really have to make that statement when dancing to somebody else's tunes (or is it beats)??

And then there were so many more. The one solitary guy who hasn't learnt a move since Mithun rocked with I am a Disco Dancer. He is always there. Churning out one 80s move followed by another. Then there are those first time visitors to US who have heard fancy tales of how clubs are great places to get laid. That's their game plan. They just think they'll come and get laid. They come with so many stories they've heard from friends who returned back to India and during the course of the night their expressions change from that of lust to boredom. They even raise their collar as a final measure of desperation but alas nothing helps. I can write on for a while or maybe I can't and just want to use this as a way to end this post. Whatever it is - I have written a long post and homework awaits me :) So bye.


great post. The Desi Dude was hilarious. I wont comment on Twenty's a crowd though :(( :P
You forgot the final category: the 'cool' desi dude sitting at the bar observing everything so that he can blog about it next morning ;-)
tell me this wasnt "club one" in SFO !! i have been to one of their desi-theme parties, and it was well errr one bloody WRONG place to be in !!!
Hahahaa... lovely as usual! But what exactly made you go there, again? :P
"the ChaCha part of One Two Cha Cha Cha" - aarrgghh. Some years ago, I could have taken that personally.

In my defence, I've never worn a sari to a nightclub.

did you not see desis in shiny cheap satin clothes!!!
:)..funny!one thing that i have noticed in desi clubbing/dance party man is the category of "cool dudes" who come wearing sunglasses indoors..:P
@badman - have you noticed there is never an equivalent of a desi dudette i.e. you never see a desi girl by herself in the club.

@bongo - ha ha! sadly i didin't drink and actually danced - and boy i am sure that ppl who saw me dance have blogged abt that too :P

@jhantu - no. this was a club called abyss. i dont think i have the energy to drive up to SF for a desi party :(

@japanese - oh come on sire. you look younger than me. call you chacha? never sir. especially now that you have established the whole saree connection :P

@anonymous - i did and that makes me feel like guessing who you are - muhahahahahah!!!!

@pallavi - seriously. i saw that too and not any shades - they carry those obnoxious white framed big ones - aaaaaaarrrrrrrrrr!!
Here in DC, the pick up line at the desi-dj club is, 'do you work for the world bank' with two giggling men in the background.
I went to a night club, here in Bombay, after quite sometime but the scenes were not quite different from that :-) great one, Sagnik!

Bongopondit....hehehehehe, that's a good one!
Firstly the customary 'nice blog','nice post' and 'enjoyed reading it immensely' thingy.
Coming to the point, I was going through the archives and reached the post 'http://no-url-left.blogspot.com/2005/11/audio-rant-again.html' Now do I get to listen to you podcasts?? I reach the URL http://www.sagniknandy.com/podCasts/pod-1.mp3 every time I click on the link, which only contains advertisements. Am I missing something??

You missed couple of things actually,

1. The pickup lines. That would make you turn in your grave.

2. And the way the dudes dance with girls after they have managed to ask someone.
wow! amazing post.. you must hv spent all your time observing everyone else.. is this the subject of your PhD? ;)
abyss's desi parties stoop so low that they start justifying the name of the venue.
I have fond memories of the place, though - a friend of mine got slapped there, while trying to kiss a desi girl :)
The Desi Dude was hilarious!! :D
Hi, please add your blog to our new directory of Indian Blogs, thanks!

dunno how I landed up here in ur blog, but rambling thru ur random thoughts was quite interesting, tho it never for once seemed to be coming from a 'confused mind'. May be because m not that regular with blogs, that i gotta bit excited to write to u.ummm....tho i wanted to comment on quite a few nay a lot of them but they r absolutely irrelevant now as some of them had been posted in some 'stone age' time i guess....sob sob!...thank ur lucky stars :D...neway, keep up the goodwork boy.
Beautiful insights into the finer layers that make up life. Very well written with just the right amount of humour and disgust injected at the right places.
y ohhh y...do u mk sure u dont respond to ppl's comments in the previous post after a delayed blog posting alwaz???? is this a pattern? hmmmm!!!
Hahhaa.... You rock, buddy!!!
n now u hv stopped replying to ppl's comments to the latest post too!!! *shakes head in 'i-hate-u' way and closes the window being unable to express furthur*
reached here bloghopping. love your posts. well.. most of them :)

this post was hilarious! i have been in the US for a month now. cant wait to go for one such party!! :D
Just today I started reading your blog and I should tell you, reading your blog is really a big pain in the ***. Your content and writing style is really good. But after I read one page, going to the next page really bugs me a lot. The arrangement of items in your blog is really pathetic. As there will be a lot of new readers of your blog like me who will want to read the previous posts of yours too. Please change the format of your blog and it should definitely have a link showing "older posts".
lol! nice!
replyyyyy.....i hate u!!!!!!!!
Where have you vanished?
There's some bloggy vacation on. Is it??? Then its sad. :(
Frankly, i dont find this kinnda scenes in Bangalore for sure! Exaggeration!!
Good observation. While I have never been to a Desi club, lemme just say that it's pretty embarassing when the group of twenty moustached twenty-somethings Indian men shake their pelvis MithunDa ishtyle in synchronized fashion in a club. You can only berate yourself for shaving your upper lip, or for being brown, but I prefer the former.
Boss, come down to Calcutta. Get yourself one girl friend and hit Roxy. Or Venom. Please. Request.
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