Sunday, October 07, 2007

70mm annoyance!! 

Yeah yeah! I know I owe an explanation. To the remaining kind readers of this blog and to the kinder commenters (especially XYZ) who I've been bad towards. So what was the reason for the absence - well take your pick - it was either (i) I was being hounded by beautiful exotic women and found it difficult to give equal amount of time to all of them and blog or (ii) I was neck deep (actually make it mustache deep will ya) in work or (iii) the aliens abducted me. I'll give you a subtle hint - it wasn't (i) or (iii) - so now put those gray cells to good use and figure out the reason folks.

So I love movies (duh, you didn't figure that out from my blog yet). And I actually pay and watch them in the true big screen experience. I do not download movies and hardly ever rent DVDs. I do not write movies off before actually watching them and I give every movie a chance. I also have no pretension about my movie taste being extremely base. I don't know anything about difficult to pronounce European directors and I value MTV movie awards more than the Golden Palme. I just watch movies for entertainment. My logic is simple - I'm giving you $10 to make me not think about things I would've otherwise thought about for the next 2 hours (three and a half hours if it is a Karan Johar movie). If you succeed in doing that then you deserve my money. Simple.

So I was in India recently and true to my nature I watched a bunch of movies and the Indian movie goers gave me enough reason to write a rant post. I know, I know. Another Indian specific rant. You think I'm that guy - the one who stays in US for three months and brings soap for neighbors and tells them stories about how backward India is and how he can no longer tolerate India - "yehaan AC nahin hai", "mineral water milega?", "mineral water thanda nahin hain - probably because yehaan AC nahin hai" ... Sadly I'm not that guy and even if I was, I clearly wouldn't admit that on my blog - duh!! So I shall put forward my points as to why Indian movie goers piss me off and then you can correct me - deal?

For starters, what's this with Indian movie goers and the guessing game? Do you get extra points for guessing the next scene in a movie? No seriously, what's the prize? "I think he is the murderer." "No no, she is the murderer." "No no. She is a he." Guess what? I have two words for you - "Duck Odd" and yes I know I got my Ds and Fs mixed up. So if the fifteen over zealous people who were sitting behind me for Dhol (which is a very bad movie btw) are reading this - I really don't care where you thought the Dhol was. I rarely am tense about mysteries in movies because I KNOW THEY WILL REVEAL IT IN AN HOUR. So shut up and let me watch the movie will you. What is it about movies alone that makes us do this? Have you ever seen people do this during a cricket game - "I think Sachin will hit a four." "No No I think Brett Lee will get a wicket". We never do that. But give us a movie and we suddenly put a Sherlock hat on. And it's not just for mystery movies - we do it for any movie. Even while sitting in US I had 4 very annoying people sitting behind me when I was watching Chak De India, trying to guess what will happen in every hockey game. Grrrrr!!!

Ok. My next rant is specific to Indians in US. Children. Yes, children. They are soooooo cute. Awwwwwww. But PLEASE KEEP THEM AT HOME WHEN YOU COME FOR MOVIES. Now correct me here. Have you ever seen Americans bring their one year old infants to movies. NO. They spend on a nanny and make sure that they enjoy the movie and let others do the same too. Now ask your self. When was the last time you went for an Indian movie in US where a kid didn't start crying? I think we all get angry but just keep quiet because its a kid. Would you keep quiet if a forty year old man started crying while you are watching a movie and started telling his wife that he is hungry - no you would beat the crap out of him. So parents of toddlers who bring them to movies - please be considerate towards others. How will you like it if I went to your house and shouted while your kid was trying to sleep - get it?

Talking about kids and movies its time for some digression. What is so sweet about grown up actors and actresses trying to play with under dressed kids from third World countries in their movies? How many Indian movies have you seen where the actor and actress, in the middle of a song, just walk into a bunch of street kids playing soccer and join them. The clip then normally gets into slow motion mode and everybody is shown having such a nice time. Occasionally there will be water in the form of rain or a water hydrant. All the kids and actors will then get wet and dance around even more. Now even American movies have started using this concept. I saw the Heartbreak Kid last night (funny in parts) and even they used the exact same concept. Grrrrrr. I have actually played cricket on the streets and never remember any sweet couple joining us for an impromptu party. If at all anything, all the couples in our area hated us because there was an outside chance of getting hit by a ball while they tried to go on sweet walks. Hmmmm.

Oh I have sooo much more to rant about. The annoying bunch of teenagers who think they are really witty and fill the movie up with smart ass comments (now that I have seen in US as well). Newly married couples who choose the movie as a way of showing affection - "You want popcorn? You want soda? You want pastry? You want popcorn, pastry and soda ..." People who have business deals on their cell phone while others are trying to figure out where the Dhol is - "Haan Sharma ji. Aaap sign kar dijiye. Abhi khatam hoga picture ... mein adha ghanta mein aata hoon ... aap popcornn lengey ..." So much to rant about but alas the aliens are here for abduction again - so later :)

P.S. Next post will be absolutely rant free :)

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Gold!!!! :D :D

Okay, rant it was -- but I wish alien abductions were true somehow: at least we would've had a non-rant post!

Heartbreak kid stole our idea, you say, hmm... and they say that Indian movies are "inspired" from phoren ones! :P
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just thinking aloud

I wish those kids would be abducted by aliens. no seriously. i mean, unlike Mr. Nandy here who seems to have been returned by these same aliens because he might have quizzed them about semiconductors, kids will not be returned, oh no sir, they will not...

evil grin
Even though I am a mother of a toddler myself, I wholeheartedly agree. When people complain about kids crying on a flight, I find it unfair because like everyone else, families with young kids do need to travel. But movie halls are another deal - would it really kill people to either get a babysitter or just watch the movie on a DVD till their brat is ready to face a couple of hours in a dark, loud place? And don't even get me started on thew kind of people some of these people take their kids for...
There would be no Bollywood. If people stopped prancing around in mud, heroines did not take some 5 minutes (which is about how long a sad song is with the Sufi-ana mukhra these days) to get into a cab and close the door and all 'good' people stopped playing with kids on streets to show they are 'good'. Annoyance or no annoyance ;-)
i cudnt agree with you more!! i went for chak de india last weekend and had all these frikking things...kids (whining, crying both aage and peeche), couple in front row who i dont think had come for movie, and sherlock homes...grrrrrr..yikes, yikes!!! and let me rant too..arre whats with those kids man..go home sleep, do homework or somethin!!:)
Yaay you are back :-)

I just couldn't agree with you more! I hate bawling kids at a movie. I hate crying kids on trains and flights too, but atleast I can understand that - one can't leave a child alone in the US while they vacation in India. But why in theatres, why why why?
Ahhhh Yes, Kids in the theatre gripe..............sooo with you on that. I live in a city where soon the desi population might outnumber the rest and in our one and only Desi theatre, It is just soo hard to see a movie without hearing random brats screaming. Especially when one thinks going for a real late night show might lessen the chances of one facing this problem, but nooo 1:00am ka show..oh thats not wayyy past my kids bed time..........he definitely will not be cranky and sleepy......of course lets take the brat even though hes to young to understand whats going on............ohh or maybe he could pick up a cuss word or two from Omkara......ughhh...

Ohh umm maybe I should have just blogged about it!!! Neways just wante dto let you know that I feel your pain.


This reminded me of the incident, where I had gone to a hindi movie with a friend. And there was kid sitting next to us and his mom. The kid is like 3 yrs old and he started to cry. My friend did the unthinkable, he started to cry as loudly as the kid. End result, the kid is surprised and stops crying but his mom is glaring at us and now my friend, is glaring at the mom. It was quite a standoff for the whole movie!
hey... u look way too familiar! Lol actualy u look alot like a guy I saw at escape in mumbai earlier around in feb when I was in india.

anyway! awesome blog... what I wanted to ask was... when I googled trust me by rajashree, ur blog came up.. have u ever written a review on that book? if so, i cant find it! If not.. then it was prolly a mistake..
i hope u know that i am still MAD at u...u must tk bit more of an effort to console me, like hmmmm!prob dedicating ur whole next( god know when!) post abt me...;););)

aaahhh! forget it coz gos knows when(if at all u r planning to!) reply back to this comment of mine! ** scurries away realising the fact **
Dr.Nandy, you deserve a standing ovation for this post!
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Try watching a horror or thriller movies in Atlanta and you'll think Desi kids are God's gifts to the whole movie watching experince. The movies are punctuated with shrill shrieks of fear and encouragment to the abla nari victim from adolescent Black women.

As far as watching Desi movies go, I usually try to catch them at weird timings - 1 in the afternoon or on weekdays.
you really can make me laugh :-)... keep blogging...
Well.. how abt watching OSO opening weekend.. 100 people in line at 9:30 for 10:00 o clock show best part some people were in line for 11 o clock Saawariya show at I repeat 9:30, still cracking up at that one..
:)) nice ranting! Loved reading your post , will be back for more!
Nice to have you back Sagnik.
have the aliens abducted you, or are you neck deep in work or you agan surrounded by exotic women. Haven't seen you post in a while. Merry Xmas and happy new year.
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Horror movies is my first choice..
Sometimes thriller give me more action for my brain...

"I think Sachin will hit a four." "No No I think Brett Lee will get a wicket". We never do that....lol..super funny analogy

I think everyone hates ppl who annoy us at the movies...and oddly these ppl never realize that they are causing so much of a commotion
lol @ no thanda paani coz yahan ac nai hai..wat a retard !
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Well rant it was, but considering your narrative, I am simply amused...btw, I am strictly the "guessing" kind! LOL! Never knew how annoying it is.....but luckily am also the kind who does it only in my head, cos I am one of those who ends up alone for movies...now is that pathetic or pure independent u say?
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Thank you !
Nice blog.
Oh my goodness finally people who agree! Small babies, toddlers etc in movies is ridiculous. Let's be realistic, put a young child in front of a tv: they're amused. In front of a washing machine: they're amused. Give the child a cardboard box and they're thrilled so let's not take the child to a cinema and ruin at least 50 peoples time out... Right, I feel much better now :) I do enjoy a rant, nice blog
Really Very Nice blog....
I really Enjoyed it.keep posting I'm looking forward to your new posts.

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Loved your blog...i am a new reader here :)
Great Blog I like it so much. I would like to read few more post from you.

babies in movie halls! there are more Indians in India than Indians in US. ergo, more babies in movie halls and more noise in the movie halls here... inducing a feeling like you have accidentally walked into a nursing home facing a power cut. my blood boils.

liked this line. "How will you like it if I went to your house and shouted while your kid was trying to sleep".
I could agree more with you, I wanted to kill myself when I saw it.
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What do you think about horror movies? I am a big fan, but sadly I haven't seen a new one lately.
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